


Danger Days

by Laika_the_husband (Laika_the_wife)



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Basically a YA Novel, Boys In Love, Child Soldiers, Desert, Drama, Endgame, F/M, False Accusations, Family, Feelings, First Time, Folklore, Friendship/Love, Gangs, Guns, Hand Jobs, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Imprisonment, Impulse Control, Kissing, Loss, Love, M/M, Mind Control, Motorcycles, Plot, Radio, Rebels, SKAM Big Bang, Sex, Survival, Teenagers, minor torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-13 02:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18022700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_husband
Summary: In the not too far away future the climate disaster has wiped out modern civilization. The remaining people are huddled in the habitable zones in large city states, surrounded by vast deserts. The cities are at constant war with each other over precious resources. The citizens are assigned their place and duty in society at birth. You either adapt and obey, or you disappear forever. For some reason, only kids ever disappear.Isak Valtersen, just turned 16, can't resist the call anymore. He has to go to the desert.This story is based on the My Chemical Romance album Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys. Listening to it will make reading this better. The names of the chapters are the tracklist, and the first lines in chapters are from the lyrics.I’d love it it you could take time to comment on each chapter as you go, but totally no pressure! I’m just so proud of this story myself, and dying to know what you think!At one point either Isak or Even will appear to be dead, and there are lives at stake here, but the overall feel is not angsty or too gritty. Like a YA version of Mad Max: Fury Road.The incredible art is by Memine. I could just look at it forever.





	1. Look Alive, Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> [](https://imgur.com/fVHPMt9)   
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> That's the main piece. It's amazing. Full size can be found here: https://imgur.com/fVHPMt9
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> Here's some concept art as a bonus!  
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> So lovely!
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> An extra huge THANK YOU to my hard working beta, glasses (@loveglasses)!

_ antimatter for the masterplan _

 

Isak turned around to look at his home from the inside for one last time. His bed, his pillow on the floor, his half-empty closet. The rest of his things were in his backpack, with a bottle of water and a packet of food crackers. He didn’t dare steal more, just in case this didn’t work out and he’d have to return. He would be in enough trouble just for running away for no apparent reason.

That was the strangest, yet the most exciting part. Isak had no idea why he was running away. There was just this feeling inside him, compelling and unyielding, that he simply couldn’t keep pushing down anymore. He needed to leave. He couldn’t breathe in here anymore. For sixteen years and five days Isak had lived in this house, and now he couldn’t stand one second more.

Isak climbed through the window and landed on the concrete. He had planned this out last night, not sleeping a wink, intoxicated by the thrill of doing the unthinkable. Of disappearing. When his parents got up this morning, Isak wouldn’t be there. He would be gone. And, to be honest, Isak was pretty sure his parents would be mostly relieved. He had never been an easy child, and while all his friends had calmed down and gotten jobs and steady lives Isak had remained wild and untamed. He simply couldn’t find the peace the others seemed to have found, and that same urge of unrest was pushing him forward tonight.

The city looked like it was asleep. Isak knew that wasn’t the case, the factories ran in three shifts, and the farms, and the institutions. But the streets were empty. Everyone was either asleep or inside the buildings, working away. Isak was pretty sure that he was somehow damaged or unfit because while everyone else seemed content with that kind of life, he couldn’t stop wanting for something more. Something he didn’t quite have a name for. He called it just  _ More _ . Isak readjusted his backpack and picked up his pace. He couldn’t shake the feeling someone was watching him.

Every step Isak took poured a little bit more relief into him. His past was being left behind, literally, his whole life had been preparing him for this. It was a turning point, a beginning, a long needed change. Sure, it didn’t look like much, just some kid walking down the street, but there was  _ magic _ happening here. First of all, Isak didn’t know where he was going, yet he was certain he was going in the right direction. Everything was uncertain and unknown, and that thought made him feel calm. Serene. Focused. Determined. He remembered, in a passing thought, that he had planned to stop at the end of his home street and turn to look at it one last time, to say goodbye, but he had forgotten and he didn’t care. He had a goal, and he was approaching it, and he could feel it in his bones that he was getting close.

Isak stopped in front of the warehouse. This was it. He had no idea how far he had walked, it had been an hour or two, but now he was there. It didn’t look too special, just a warehouse among others, but Isak knew, he knew about the magic within. He had it himself, the More, on the surface he was a regular looking kid, if on the taller side. Green eyes, wavy, almost curly hair, a thin upper lip. Nothing too special about him, except the fire and the command inside him.

He didn’t stop to think how he knew the door code. He just punched it in and the door opened. He stepped inside. The warehouse looked abandoned and empty. There was a lot of space and little of anything else. Then, he saw the back wall. There were dirt bikes, parked side by side, unguarded and unlocked. Isak walked to one and took it off the rack. He mounted it, because what else would he have done? What else could he have done? These motions all were filled with purpose, every electrifying second of his presence here. And, for once in his life, he knew what was expected of him and wanted, no, needed to comply.

The bike started. The engine made fantastic noise when Isak revved it. He turned the other handle and sped off, with his feet still on the floor. His shoes dragged along, almost completely useless, and by the time Isak finally figured out how to make the bike stop, he had reached the front door he had entered through. Just a couple of meters more and he would have crashed.

“Fucking wicked,” Isak whispered, exhilarated. He could feel the adrenaline. He turned the bike around and looked at the back wall intently. This time he pulled his feet up, but too early, and both the bike and the boy crashed on their side on the floor. Isak felt that he was lucky his leg didn’t get caught up between the bike and the concrete. He laid there on the hard gray floor and felt something bubble up inside him. He wasn’t sure what it was before it pushed its way out of him by force. He laughed. He had been so caught up in suppressing the More that he had pushed down everything else too. He didn’t remember the last time he had laughed.

It felt so good! To be where he really wasn’t supposed to be, to do something he most certainly wasn’t supposed to do. But, at the same time he knew that he had no other options. This was it, this was what he wanted. What he needed. This was More. Isak let his laugh echo out and then he sat up, got on his feet and dragged the bike upright. It was heavier than he had expected, but he managed to get it up. He mounted it again. He looked at the back wall, turned the handlebar, and raised his feet.

Before he reached the back wall, he turned. He leaned into the turn, he slowed down, both too much and he fell again. He knocked his elbow quite unpleasantly, but otherwise, he remained uninjured. Lucky for him, probably, but he didn’t feel lucky. He felt immortal.

After a couple more rounds, Isak was finally getting the hang of the bike and riding it. It was rather intuitive for him. His body somehow understood what worked for him and what didn’t, and he never repeated any of his mistakes. The call inside him got stronger and stronger. He wanted More. In his dreams, he had been flying through the desert, free and fast, and now he knew how that was possible.

The door was wide enough for both the bike and Isak go through it. He let it close behind him and started walking. It was late, the bike was loud, he didn’t want to track any attention to himself right now. The thought of someone coming and stopping him felt devastating. He was finally going to be free, and he couldn’t let anything come between him and the open sky and the vast sand.

He had no idea why he wanted to go there. If he had stopped to really think about it for a second he would have realized how stupid his plan was. How critical the place was where it ended. His whole plan, his Great Escape, was to leave the city and enter the wastelands, and that was it. He was going to ride into his death. The desert knew no mercy, what with the burning sun and the heating sand scorching away all day, followed by the freezing, cold, black night. There wasn’t anything outside the city, except miles and miles and miles of desert between the dense clusters of buildings and people huddled together close to whatever there was left after the Cleanse Wars.

Isak didn’t care. He was free. He was about to be free and true to himself, at last, he was sixteen years and five days old, he had a stolen dirt bike, a bottle of water, a packet of crackers and immortality. The closer to the city limit he got, the more stars were appearing in the black sky above him. The easier it was for him to breathe.

Finally, the road ended. The asphalt was covered in sand, first small patches and piles, then more and more of them, until Isak sank ankle deep in it and still his feet didn’t meet anything solid anymore. He looked at the blackness ahead of him. The lights of the city faded in the distance, and the only way to tell the sky and the ground apart was that the sky was covered in stars. Their dim light was of little use, especially this close to the city. Isak mounted the bike - finally! - and turned the engine on.

The headlight lit up, but it didn’t reach all that far. Isak hesitated. It would be stupid. It would be dangerous, to ride into the black, not seeing where he was going, not knowing where he was headed.

Not caring.

Isak turned the handle, lifted his feet on the footholds and rode into the night.

 

The lights of the city were only a distant whispering echo behind the horizon when the inevitable and the obvious happened. Isak’s bike ran out of fuel. He hadn’t even checked the cells when he had left, he had been too busy to just get up and go.

He stepped off the bike and pulled down the shirt he had tied over his face after the first five minutes of his ride. The sand was fine and it flew everywhere. Isak pushed his fingers in his hair and shook out at least two handfuls of painfully sharp tiny grains. He spit on the ground a couple of times to get rid of the sand in his mouth. He wiped his eyes four times, dug out the sand from his ears and finally fell down on his knees on the cooled down dune. He looked around, but saw no light anywhere except for dim starlight, which didn’t really help at all..

Well shit.

The bike’s engine had created enough heat to keep Isak warm during the ride, but now that it had run out of juice the cold winds of the desert bit down on his skin and flesh all the way to the bone. The dawn was still hours away. He was in trouble.

Isak looked at the bike. He took off his backpack and rummaged through it. He took out the blanket he had packed there just in case, gathered his things and himself right next to the power cells and threw the blanket over it all. He crawled under the blanket as well, huddling up next to the still warm but constantly cooling engine case. The wind had lost its bite, at least for now. All Isak could do was wait for the dawn and hope for the best.

Now that he had stopped, he had time to think about all this. Of the recklessness that had fed the cause of his escape, and of all of the consequences.Why had he run so recklessly into the night? Now that he was here, in the middle of the desert, all alone, his freedom didn’t feel like a thing worth celebrating anymore. He was free, and he would die free, and he might die very soon. After sixteen years and five days of longing, it felt unfair to lose his newfound happiness, and even more unfair to lose his life at the same time. Sure, one life meant nothing, but Isak had grown fond of his own. Especially in the past few hours.

Would his mom and dad miss him? Would they look for him? Probably not. It happened sometimes, kids went missing, and nobody got too agitated by it. Nobody had time to. To be honest, Isak felt like he wouldn’t really miss his parents, either. They had never understood him. They had never really been there. Sure, they had been present all his life, but still, something was standing between them, like an invisible wall. A membrane he couldn’t puncture.

Hours passed. Isak ate some crackers and drank some water. He dozed off, but woke up before dawn because he was so cold. He wrapped the blanket around himself and walked around a bit to keep his blood flowing and his mind awake. He was afraid to fall asleep again. He kept looking east, at the horizon, at the narrow and pale strip of light that was promising a dawn of hope. A part of him was painfully aware that once he had warmed up, he would be cursing the sun. Maybe he would, but now, the sun was offering renewed spirits of revolution. He was thirsty, but he didn’t drink. He had to save water. He had no idea where he could get more, or when, but for now all he wanted was sunlight. Warmth.

Finally, the dawn cracked the dark edges of the sky. The first golden and orange rays swept across the desert and pushed the shadows of the dunes and rocks ahead of themselves, first stretching them long and then winding them back, shorter by the minute. Isak just stood there, blanket over his shoulders, his arms spread, his face toward the sun. It felt so warm. He had made it. He was now sixteen years and six days old. Most importantly, he was free.

As the huge fiery ball rolled slowly over above the horizon, Isak warmed up. He could feel his toes and fingers again. He could walk. He could finally think straight. Isak looked around where he spent the night and saw nothing but sand. Up north, in the distance, he saw something that looked like a shadow. It could be mountains, or big rocks. There might be water. But it was a long walk, and Isak was already starting to feel the heat of the merciless and unnerving sun. He knew he would not make it.

He also knew he would not make it if he didn’t try. So he packed his blanket into his bag, wrapped his shirt over his face and started walking. He wasn’t thrilled about abandoning the bike, but it was way too heavy to walk with, especially in the sinking fine sand. Every step Isak took felt a bit too much like work.

Still Isak couldn’t shake the feeling. He was hopeful. The thrill of the leaving was still buzzing inside him, and the sun was shining, the desert was beautiful in its vastness and the sky was so, so blue. Isak might die here, but he would die free. He would die surrounded by unspeakable beauty.

He would die alone, Isak thought bitterly, as he shook the last drops of water out on his tongue. He had tried to make the bottle last, but the dust and the heat had been too much. His whole supply hadn’t lasted him a day. What was he thinking when he left? Nothing much. Now that bit him in the ass, and it bit him hard. The shadow had been mountains, Isak could see them now, but they were still just distant shapes and devastatingly far away. He had traded his life for one day of freedom and discomfort, and he wasn’t sure had it been worth it after all.

He heard something in the wind, but he couldn’t truly discern what it was..

But it sounded a lot like an engine.

Isak stopped and listened. It was hard to locate the sound, since the wind got mixed into it, but finally he could see a small cloud of dust. Blown up by a vehicle of some kind. Isak yanked the shirt off his head and started waving it like crazy. He was screaming too, because he was an idiot and strained his voice way, way too early. Whoever it was, they were too far away to hear him. But they were coming closer. The dust cloud grew bigger and bigger.

It was coming towards him, wasn’t it?

Isak started to jump up and down. He was screaming. He was waving. He was seen, wasn’t he? He was. The dust cloud turned a bit, changed its trajectory, now it was heading straight for him. He stopped jumping and screaming but kept waving, until both of his arms had become numb and started to hurt from all of the motion.

He waited. He kept his eyes on the dusty and sandy cloud and he didn’t even blink in the bright sunshine. He stared at the mesmerizing flying dust. He could see the bike and the rider approaching. They were wearing a scarf over their face and another one over their hair, and they were riding fast. The closer they got, the lighter Isak was feeling. He was being saved, wasn’t he?

It occurred to him at the last moment that he had no way of telling if the rider was a threat to him or not. He had no idea how far in the desert he had traveled. They could be from another city. They could be a soldier on a scouting mission. It was possible. It was likely.

He had no choice. He had been seen, and he couldn’t outrun a dirt bike. He probably couldn’t outrun a tortoise, he was exhausted and dehydrated and possibly on the verge of a heat stroke. He was already partway dead, so he had nothing to fear.

Isak had to cover his face again when the bike got closer. The dust it raised flew into his eyes and hair still, but at least he could breathe. The rider stopped the bike a few meters away from him and waited for the dust to land.

Something made a somersault in Isak’s belly when the rider pulled his scarves off. He was a guy. And he looked really good. Dark and thick wavy hair, a strong jaw and brow, a pair of blue eyes that seemed to be in a permanent state of sparkling. Isak hadn’t seen a twinkle like that in a pair of eyes in years.

“Hello there," the guy said. Isak tried to lick his lips but his tongue was parched.

“Hi," he managed to say. “Water?”

The guy looked at him. Tilting his head. He was considering. Contemplating.

“What can you trade me?”

Trade. Of course. Water on the desert was valuable, precious, and. And.

“I have a bike.” Isak turned around to look but didn’t see it anymore. He had gone too far. “Somewhere. I started walking when the sun got up.”

“You have a piece of junk metal. If you had to leave it it’s broken, isn’t it?”

Isak shook his head. No. It wasn’t broken. He hoped.

“I ran out of fuel.”

“Do you have anything else?”

The guy was looking at Isak’s backpack. Isak took it off his shoulders.

“Just some food crackers.”

Isak saw the hunger flash in the guy’s eyes. It seemed that he had something after all. Something to negotiate with. If he only wasn’t so thirsty. This guy could hustle him as badly as he wanted to. The guy looked somewhat friendly, which was a plus.

“I’ve been eating just energy gel for a week straight. I’d kill for something to sink my teeth into!” The guy paused, frowning, his head tilted. “Wait, if I did kill, I could sink my teeth into flesh, right?”

Isak stepped back. He was eighty percent sure the guy was joking. That twenty percent was starting to become more of a chance, though.

“Or you could trade me some water for a cracker? Less messy and bothersome?”

“I like the way you think.” The guy grinned. “What’s your name? I’m Kobra --” Just like that, the grin was gone. He remembered something he had forgotten and the memory broke his heart. “..Jonas. You can call me Jonas.”

Isak nodded. Jonas. Not Kobra, not anymore, just Jonas.

“I’m Isak. And real thirsty.”

“Ah! Of course, yes, just a second, Thirsty.” Jonas opened the saddle bag and took out a flask. He threw it to Isak. Isak caught it, uncapped it and brought it greedily to his lips. The flask was half full and he drank half of its contents without even tasting what it was. It was wet. That was enough.

“Thank you.” It was so much easier to speak now that his tongue didn’t feel as if it was  made of sandpaper. “You saved my life.”

“And for that, I’m taking your bike," Jonas said. “Well. And you, too, I can’t transport it alone, but. It’s your turn to save my life.”

Isak was puzzled. How would his bike, the one without fuel and abandoned to the desert, save Jonas in any way? But he didn’t argue. He needed help, and Jonas was practically his saviour. He was in debt.

“Okay?” he said doubtfully. “I suppose?”

Jonas held out his hand. Isak took it. Jonas laughed, just like that. Laughing was something that Jonas was used to and it barely registered to him. He wasn’t like Isak, who had almost forgotten how to laugh in the middle of it, intrigued by its presence.

“We can hold hands later. Now I’d like a cracker, please?”

Isak blushed and pulled his hand quickly back. Of course. He had just. He didn’t know what he had been thinking. Nothing much, obviously.

“Yes. Sure. Wait.” He dug into his backpack and took the packet out. He had half of it left. Six crackers. He had eaten way too many but he had been so cold, he had needed something to distract himself. Isak handed the packet out to Jonas. “Here. If you have energy gels left I can take them and you can have these.”

Jonas looked at him, eyes wide.

“Are you serious? You. You have no idea how valuable these are here, do you?”

Isak frowned.

“They’re just food crackers. They’re even not that tasty.”

Jonas laughed again. He took one cracker and gave the rest back to Isak.

“I’m taking this for the water. Take good care of the ones that are left.”

Isak nodded slowly. He would. This Jonas guy definitely seemed to know what he was doing. They were two hundred percent more on his home turf than Isak’s. Three hundred percent. Isak packed the crackers carefully and took his backpack on his back again.

“I can’t walk back there. To the bike. I can’t..I can barely stand.”

“It’s okay. We can ride there.”

Jonas put his scarves back on. He showed Isak how he could tie his shirt so it served as a headscarf and a face cover. He left just a narrow slit for Isak’s eyes.

“We really should wear goggles. But I busted mine when a pebble hit them. And I suppose you didn’t bring any either?”

Isak shook his head. He didn’t. He hadn’t thought this through at all.

“It’s alright. When I left the city I didn’t even bring crackers with me. But I did have a backup power cell.”

Isak swallowed his pride. He had more important things to address now.  _ When I left the city. _

“You’re from New Oslo?”

“Yeah. It’s been a while. To be honest, I don’t miss it one bit.”

Isak grabbed Jonas’ arm. He had to ask. He had to know. He couldn’t be alone, right? It couldn’t be just him, the faulty one, the misfit, right?

“Why did you leave?”

Jonas seemed puzzled. He seemed to register that this was important to Isak, but he couldn’t tell why.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean. I just. All my life I’ve been feeling this need. This urge to go and find something. More.” Isak just really, really wanted to understand this. To understand himself. And now he had met someone who might have gone through the same he had. Maybe?

Jonas smiled. Isak didn’t see his lips, but he saw him squint. That was definitely a smile.

“Oh, you’re in for a treat. But first, let’s go get that bike before you forget where you left it.”

Jonas mounted his bike. Isak had to climb over the saddle bags a bit awkwardly, but he managed to get behind Jonas. He had nothing else to grab on to so he wrapped his arms around Jonas and rested his chest against Jonas’ back. It felt nice. Strong. Safe. He had been lost, but Jonas had found him.

Isak pointed the direction and Jonas started the engine. Isak felt its power under him and between his legs, its roaring purred inside him and when Jonas shouted a cheerful Woo! Isak joined him with all his heart.


	2. Na Na Na

_drop like a bullet shell_   
_dress like a sleeper cell_   
_I’d rather go to hell  
than be in purgatory_

 

Isak had enjoyed riding by himself, flying across the desert, but this, riding with Jonas, leaning on his back, was even better. Jonas blocked most of the dust with his body, and Isak could watch the dunes and rocks fly by as he was leaning his cheek on Jonas’ back. His heart was thumping, strong and fast, he felt the other boy between his arms and against his chest, and he felt a connection, something he hadn’t noticed he had lost but had sorely missed. He had lost the connection with all his friends, one by one, around the same time his longing for More had become a constant background noise. This was it, Isak thought, he had found it. This was More.

Isak turned his head and leaned closer to Jonas’ ear.

“Can we go faster?”

Jonas laughed. He revved the engine and the bike sped forward. They rode up a larger dune and as they flew, actually flew, off the ground, in the air, to the next one Isak screamed of joy. He begged for Jonas to do it again, and again, and again. Every time higher, the jumps made Isak’s stomach turn and his fingers and toes tingle. He was so, so alive. He was immortal and invincible and he had found a friend.

“There it is!” Jonas exclaimed. He turned their course a bit, he slowed down, he focused on going somewhere instead of blindly speeding through the nowhere. They had a goal now. The tingling got stronger. Something was about to begin, Isak could feel it. Jonas rode to the bike and stopped the engine. They pulled their scarves down and shook most of the sand off their hair.. Isak hopped off. And stretched his legs. Jonas opened a saddle bag and took out a spare battery.

“This should do it," Jonas said with a grin. “You’ll be up and running in no time.”

Isak wasn’t as happy about that as he probably should have been. He had liked riding with Jonas, leaning on his back and enjoying the speed. Holding on to him tightly. Now that Jonas had saved him he’d probably want to keep going his own way.

“Thanks.” Isak knew he didn’t sound too enthusiastic. Jonas noticed it too.

“Yeah, I’m just saving your life here. Nothing worth celebrating, really.”

Isak blushed. He was being ungrateful.

“It’s not that. It’s just. Now you’ll get back to whatever it was you were doing, won’t you?”

Jonas kneeled on the sand next to Isak’s bike and opened the case.

“I wasn’t really doing anything. I was just looking for something.”

“Oh? What?”

Jonas looked at Isak over his shoulder and grinned. He had a nice grin.

“I think I found it now.”

Something made a somersault in Isak’s belly again. He wasn’t sure why.

“Oh? That’s a funny coincidence.”

Jonas laughed. Warm and long.

“Man, you are funny! That’s good, we all need some laughs in our lives.”

“You have no idea.” Isak paused. He watched Jonas take the old battery out and slip the new one in. The time was running out. “I have no idea what I’m doing. I need help.”

“I could tell that the second I saw this bike," Jonas said calmly. He pushed the new battery in its place and closed the case. “Going to the desert without a radio is the same as going without a bike, you know?”

Isak shook his head. He had absolutely no idea.

“The bike didn’t have a radio when I took it.”

“It also had a busted battery. That’s why it ran out of juice. Did you seriously just blindly grab the first one you came across?”

Isak didn’t know what to say. He was so pissed off at himself, for being so stupid, and embarrassed that Jonas could immediately tell how stupid he had been. Reckless and thoughtless. He wouldn’t last a day in the desert by himself. He had lasted a night, but only barely.

Jonas stood up and lifted the bike as he went.

“There you have it. It should be operating again. You can ride it, right?”

Isak nodded. He could.

“Not like you can ride yours. You’re incredible.”

Jonas grinned again. His eyes were so sparkly. They made Isak feel restless but in a good way.

“There are better riders than me. You should see Shade Rage jump the dunes with Silver Heat.”

The names sounded weird. And at the same time their echo made Isak a bit jealous. He sort of wanted a name like that, too. Something that was spoken in the tone Jonas had used just now. Pride. Defiance.

“I’d love to.”

“Well, in that case.” Jonas sounded pleased. Like he was happy that the opportunity had now presented itself. “You’d better come with me. I’m going back to Nissen. My tribe.”

His tribe. Isak wasn’t sure what he exactly meant, but he knew it was something he wanted to have. Connection.

“Can I? Really?”

Jonas nodded.

“Well, you have no radio and no tribe. No brothers and sisters. I can’t just leave you here or send you off to your death.”

Isak fought the urge to jump and hug Jonas. He failed. He wrapped his arms around the boy and squeezed, hard. He was too full of everything, swept away by a rush or a tide, he needed something to hold on to.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Jonas let Isak hug him. He even gave Isak a couple of pats on the back, and when Isak finally let go Jonas was still smiling.

“Don’t mention it. But now we must go, we have a long way to ride before the night falls.”

Isak nodded.

“I’d rather not spend another night out here without any shelter.”

Jonas stopped smiling. He looked at Isak with something Isak hadn’t seen before. Respect?

“You spent the night. Out here? In the desert, alone?”

Isak nodded again. A bit hesitant. Jonas seemed like it hadn’t been a good thing.

“Yes. I almost froze to death.”

“Did you see him?” Jonas spoke so quietly Isak barely heard him. And he understood even less.

“I didn’t see anybody. It was just me, all alone. You’re the first person I’ve seen after leaving the city.”

“Did you see the crows? Did you hear them caw?”

“Jonas, you’re scaring me.”

It was his face, really, and how his shoulders had shifted position, just barely but significantly. Isak was scared. He wanted the smiling and sparkling Jonas back, the one with a silent calmness mixing with the joy and power of youth. Isak needed that Jonas, not this one, who looked at him like seeing a ghost.

“..right," Jonas finally said. He nodded at Isak to take the bike. Isak grabbed the handles and waited for Jonas to lift his own bike upright. “Let’s get going then. Ride fast, die free.”

Isak felt like he should have said something. He didn’t know what, so he just covered his face and hair again and mounted his bike. Jonas turned his engine on, Isak followed suite. Jonas sped off with Isak just behind him.

Isak noticed quickly that riding behind Jonas was a bad idea. He directed his path a bit to the side, out of the cloud of dust blasting off the ground. That was a lot better, he could see where he was going. He could see the sun, the sky, the endless desert. He could see Jonas.

Jonas looked amazing when he was riding. His arms and shoulders were so strong, his legs powerful, when he pushed himself up and standing as his bike jumped across the valley between two dunes. Isak kept his wheels on the sand, he didn’t want to fall and hurt himself. He let Jonas do all the tricks, and shouted out encouragements during and after some more impressive feats. The rush was contagious. They were in this together, and that feeling was so strong that it overpowered everything else. They were in this together.

They rode for a long time. Isak’s arms and back were aching, his ass was sore, but Jonas just kept riding on and on. Isak had no choice but to keep up with him. If Jonas rode off away from him he would die, alone in the desert, and after having just found something as grand as this budding friendship Isak was not ready to give it up. Or the tribe. It sounded a lot like a family.

Finally Jonas slowed down again. They had been riding like back and forth in broad arches for a while now, and if Isak didn’t know better he’d said Jonas was lost. They stopped the bikes and Isak hopped off immediately. He spun his arms around in large circles, he shook his legs. He was so tired. And hungry, and terribly thirsty. Jonas looked worried and confused.

“They’re gone," Jonas said, in disbelief. “We were here. The camp was right here. They’ve left me.”

The crack in his voice twisted Isak’s heart. He was scared again. The salvation, the family, had been just a mirage?

“What do you mean?” Isak asked.

“They’ve moved the camp while I was away.”

Isak twisted his fingers. He didn’t know what to make of this at all. He had spent only a couple of days in the desert but he knew what something like that meant. Leaving someone in the desert alone. It was a powerful message, with underlining and more than one exclamation points.

“Maybe we’re just lost?” Isak asked, trying to offer some comfort. Jonas scoffed.

“That’d be the worse option, really. If I’ve suddenly forgotten how to navigate we’re definitely doomed.”

Isak blushed and bowed his head. Jonas was angry. At him, a bit, but more at someone else. Maybe himself. But it was best that Isak didn’t provoke him any further. Without Jonas he would be definitely doomed, tenfold.

It was frightening. To watch Jonas get gradually more upset. To look at him fiddle with his bike’s radio and kick at the sand and just stare in the distance, blank. Finally Jonas seemed to wake up from his trance. He looked at their shadows, he checked the sun’s position in the sky. He looked worried.

“We need shelter before the sun sets. And water.”

Isak nodded. Jonas shadowed his eyes with his hand and looked at the dark shadow in the horizon.

“It’s a long shot, but it’s our only chance. See those mountains over there? We must reach them before the night falls. And hope that the stash has some water in it.”

Isak nodded again. This was not his decision to make. This was not a decision at all. Either they made it or they didn’t. At least Isak wouldn’t die alone.

Jonas took the water flask from his saddle bag and drank. He gave the flask to Isak, who emptied it gratefully. He gave it back to Jonas.

“That’s it," Jonas said, as he put the flask back in the bag. “That’s all our water.”

Isak’s throat felt still dry. Dusty. But he nodded. He didn’t want Jonas to think he was a burden, so he wouldn’t whine about anything. He would agree on everything that Jonas said. After all, Jonas knew what he was doing. Isak most certainly did not know what he was doing here, much less if he was doing. He would just follow Jonas’ lead. Anywhere. So, though his whole body was already aching, he lifted his bike when Jonas did. Though his legs were screaming at him that they couldn’t do this anymore. He ignored the wailing of his arms and shoulders, he pushed aside everything else but the mission at hand. Reach the mountains. Find water. Follow Jonas.

The shadows grew taller. The mountains loomed out of the distance and drew closer. They might make it, Isak thought, they just might. Jonas didn’t play and have fun anymore, he just rode and rode and rode, as fast as Isak dared. He sensed Jonas wanted to go faster, but Isak couldn’t. He would fall and that would slow them down even more. They didn’t have time for delays. Isak bowed his head and pressed on, across the burning sand.

The sun had half disappeared behind the horizon when they reached the mountains. Isak felt a sense of accomplishment, but Jonas was no nonsense. He rode to a pile of rocks and practically jumped off his bike while it was still going. Isak rode to him and turned his engine off. He walked to Jonas who was on his knees on the ground, brushing the sand with his hands. He pushed the layer of sand away and under it wasn’t rock, there was metal. A hatch.

Jonas dug the hatch out and pulled it open. There was a hole, half a meter deep, and on the bottom of it there were two bottles of water and a handful of energy gels. Isak stared at the bottles greedily. One for each, he couldn’t wait.

“Give me a cracker," Jonas said. Isak took his backpack off his back and traded one cracker to a bottle. A more than fair trade, if you asked Isak. Jonas dropped the packet in the hole and closed the hatch. The other water bottle was still in there.

“Aren’t you thirsty?” Isak asked, confused. Jonas nodded.

“Of course I am. But if we take all the water, what will the next desperate bastard drink? You never empty a supply hole, never. You always leave something in exchange, too.”

Jonas took the bottle from Isak and opened it. He poured exactly half of it into his flask and gave the rest to Isak. Isak brought it on his lips and drank, drank, and drank. Jonas placed his hand on Isak’s arm and pressed lightly down to make him stop.

“If you drink too much at once, you’ll just throw it up. Don’t waste water.” Jonas quenched his own thirst in moderation and lifted his bike. “Come on, let’s find a cave.”

They walked their bikes to the rock walls. They found a cave large enough for the two of them and left the bikes outside. They had to bend down and bow to enter the cave but they could sit with their backs straight, and the air stayed somewhat fresh. Jonas rummaged for and found some sticks from his various bags and assembled them into a frame. Jonas and Isak pushed the ends of the poles through the corners of Isak’s blanket to create a makeshift door. Isak didn’t think they needed one, but Jonas was very persistent. He wanted to be indoors by the time the sun set, so they hurried. As the final light died they lifted the door in its place. The cave got really dark.

Isak could hear Jonas breathe in the darkness next to him. He could feel the heat radiate from his body. He heard fabric rustle, and he heard sand rattle on the cave’s rock floor. Jonas was undressing. That made Isak nervous.

“You okay?” Jonas asked, and Isak realized he had been holding his breath.

“Yes,” Isak exhaled. He was okay. “It’s just so dark.”

“Oh, right, sorry. Wait.”

Just as usual, Isak hadn’t really thought things through. Jonas turned on a small lantern and Isak could see his bare upper body. Most noticeably his skin, decorated with a couple of scars, and his muscles showing though. Isak tried his best to look away from his dark round nipples. He had just drank and now his mouth was suddenly parched again. Jonas didn’t seem to notice anything. He kept undressing, and that made Isak’s brain work again. It was in a hurry to stop him, before it was too late.

“Why did your tribe leave without you?”

Okay, that sort of worked. Jonas stopped undressing, because he stopped moving, because he was visibly upset by Isak’s question. Great, Isak just had to ruin everything. But Jonas pulled himself together and shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal after all.

“Maybe they had to leave all of a sudden. Maybe the camp wasn’t safe anymore.” Isak could hear Jonas didn’t believe his own words. They were spoken out of empty hope. Jonas sighed. “The desert is a cruel place. A tribe has to stand united or it will perish. I caused trouble and drama.”

Isak wanted to comfort Jonas somehow, but he couldn’t touch him. Not his bare skin. That would have been too much. Too bold. Too significant.

“That sounds,” Isak paused, looking for the right word. “Harsh. To abandon you for something like that.”

“At least I wasn’t put in a hole,” Jonas said bitterly. Isak was scared to ask, so he didn’t. He didn’t want to know.

“We can start a new tribe,” Isak suggested. It made Jonas chortle, but his eyes had a twinkle again.

“That’s not how it works. But we will find Nissen, and when we do, I can buy my way back in.”

Isak nodded slowly. He didn’t like how he was feeling, not at all. Like he was the currency for that trade. But Jonas had saved Isak’s life, and he owed Jonas almost everything. Besides, Isak had no chance of surviving on his own. He had to tag along with Jonas for as long as Jonas let him.

“I hope so,” Isak said. “I’ve always wanted a tribe. I thought I had one but then everyone. I don’t know, they changed. And I didn’t.”

“And then you left,” Jonas added. Isak nodded. Yes. All his friends had changed, and then he had left.

“That’s what happened to all of us,” Jonas continued. “We didn’t change, so we left. We were destined for something other than an ordinary life, Isak, we have a greater purpose. We are shooting stars, that burn short but bright.”

Isak looked at Jonas speak. He sounded so sure of himself. His eyes were sparkling and his face lit up when he spoke of glory and freedom. Isak really wished he could speak with same certainty himself. Maybe the tribe would help him accomplish that.

“What’s the purpose?” Isak asked quietly.

“We are soldiers. We are the revolution. We fight the power and the authority and the old geezers of City Councils, and we make them pay for their sins. We cut them down to the size of the people.”

Isak saw the change in Jonas, that change his words provoked. His shoulders pulled back, his back was straighter, he held his head higher. Pushed his chin just a bit forward. He looked defiant,powerful, and proud. All the things Isak longed to be himself. He wanted to stand like Jonas did, as a free man.

“Sounds wonderful," Isak said.

“It’s the only life worth living. The life of a Sand Kid.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Taking in the power of the words Jonas had spoken. Isak’s heart beat louder, stronger, but his body was about to give in.

“I will follow you until you tell me not to," Isak said. He really meant it. He would ride with Jonas to Hell and back. Jonas smiled.

“I don’t need a follower. I need an ally. Would that do?”

Isak nodded. He could do that. He wanted to do that, to stand by Jonas. To ride with him. To fight with him and to die with him if need be.

A yawn nearly dislocated Isak’s jaw. Jonas laughed at him, warm and bubbly again.

“It’s late. Time to get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Isak hesitated, but after Jonas encouraged him he undressed. He left his pants on, and folded his shirt into a pillow. Jonas spread one of his blankets between them and the cave’s floor, and took another one as their cover.

“Bare skin helps distribute our body temperature better," Jonas said, calmly. He had seen Isak’s nervousness after all. “Turn around.”

Isak did. He turned on his side, his back to Jonas, and tensed up as he felt Jonas press his chest against his back. Bare skin. On skin. Jonas pulled the blanket over them and turned off the light. He wrapped his arm around Isak. Isak let him. He didn’t know what else to do, and Jonas was so strong, and so, so warm. He smelled like sand and sun.

“It’s okay," Jonas whispered into Isak’s hair. “Just sleep now. I’m right here.”

Isak closed his eyes. He tried to relax, but he couldn’t. Jonas let him be, just held him, and after a while Isak heard Jonas humming softly. It was a song, a lullaby, one with no words, and slowly Isak felt his body give in and let go, to float in that tune. He heard Jonas’ warm voice carry him away note by note, na na na.


	3. Bulletproof Heart

_hold your heart into this darkness_   
_will it ever be the light to shine you out_   
_or fail and leave you stranded_

 

Jonas was still holding Isak when he woke up. Isak had been half awake many times during the night, and each and every time Jonas had simply slightly readjusted his hold and Isak had drifted back to sleep. He didn’t remember his dreams, or if there had been any. But now it was morning, and Isak yawned, and opened his eyes to a new day. Held by Jonas, held close and tight, and it felt like finally coming home.

It could have been anyone, Isak thought. Anyone kind and friendly and willing to connect with him. He was really happy it was Jonas, but he also knew that he would have clinged to anyone else just the same. Isak closed his eyes again and focused in feeling Jonas against his back. His strong chest, his drowsy breath, his lip barely touching Isak’s shoulder. He wondered if Jonas knew that he would never, for the rest of his life, be able to shake Isak off.

“Morning," Jonas mumbled against the back of Isak’s neck. His lips brushed against Isak’s skin and made it crawl, but in a good way.

“Morning," Isak sighed softly. He didn’t want to move. He couldn’t, either, Jonas would have to let go first. Isak didn’t want him to. It was most likely that they were going to die soon anyway, why should they bother? Couldn’t they just stay here and wither away, in an eternal embrace?

Jonas shifted. Isak was suddenly terrified. No, he thought, not yet.

“Tell me how you came here," Isak said. “How you left the city.”

Isak hoped that would be a long story. That he could lay here for hours, against Jonas, listening to his warm voice speak into his hair. He was wrong.

“It’s the same story as yours. We all have the same story," Jonas said. “We don’t fit in. We leave. We find each other.”

Isak felt something touch the nape of his neck. Was that a kiss? Was it just the tip of a nose? Whatever it was, it was brief and sudden and then gone, Jonas let go of him and got up.

“And now it’s time we go find them.”

Jonas pulled aside the door and light flooded the cave. It framed Jonas, traveling past and around him in a golden wave. Isak couldn’t get his eyes off of him, his silhouette, until Jonas had stepped away from the entrance and out of Isak’s line of sight. He was ready, he thought. He was ready to die for Jonas, if they ran out of water in the middle of the desert he would slit his wrist and make Jonas drink from it to keep him alive.

Isak laid back down on the floor of the cave, on his back, and stared at the low ceiling. He listened to his heart, how it was beating louder and stronger than in ages. He had felt this alive when he was just a kid, but not in years anymore. He was in grave danger to die but at the same time more alive than ever. He wasn’t alone. He had someone to live for, someone who would definitely notice he was gone. Isak gave his parents a passing thought, just a quick pondering if they were worried of him, if they had maybe skipped work that day to go look for him. But he let that thought pass unresolved.

Jonas came back and pulled the blanket off Isak.

“Come on, it’s time to get moving. The sun is getting high, and it will burst us into flames if we stay in one place too long.”

That wasn’t hard to believe. The sun, scorching the desert, hot and white and golden, was at the same time a welcome friend and a fearsome foe. Isak crawled out of the cave and into the continuous fire falling from the sky. He brought the blanket and their clothes with him, too.

Jonas disassembled the door and packed it in his bags. They shared what was left in the flask and packed Isak’s bottle into the bag as well. One day, Isak thought. They had one day to find the tribe, or more water.

“Jonas," Isak said, quietly. Jonas stopped packing and looked at him, over his shoulder. “If we don’t find them we have to come back here and take the rest of the water.”

Jonas turned all the way around. He stood up, slowly, keeping his eyes on Isak.

“Isak, that’s not. It’s not done. Ever. You never take the last water.”

“We can bring some back when we find more. But if we don’t, we have to take it, or we will die. What good is it for anyone just lying in a hole untouched?”

There was something dark in Jonas’ eyes. In the way he looked at Isak. Jonas was both offended and offensive, biting his tongue to keep the meaner words in his mouth.

“You’re too fresh," Jonas said, more to himself than to Isak. “You don’t know how important the rules are.”

“Jonas --”

“No," Jonas interrupted him. “We are not taking that water, because we don’t need it. We are going to find them, just wait and see.”

Jonas turned back to his bike. Isak pulled his shirt on and wrapped his arms around himself. He didn’t want to argue with Jonas. He didn’t want to fight, that might end with Jonas leaving him here with his precious water and when it would run out that would be it. And he would die alone. So he didn’t say anything, just watched the vast desert spread out in front of them. Jonas was leaning over his radio, turning the knobs, all Isak could hear was static.

They stayed still for a long time. Isak staring into the desolation, and Jonas focused on his radio. The spell was broken when Jonas jumped up in celebration and did a little dance. Isak stared at him. Had Jonas snapped?

“Time to go!” Jonas exclaimed. “I have a direction.”

Isak wet his lips slowly. He felt like shit for doubting Jonas, but he couldn’t help it.

“How?” Isak asked.

“The radio," Jonas said. “I know where they are.”

“The radio told you that?” Isak had heard only static, with some clicks in between. If Jonas heard something in that, Isak had reason to be worried about him.

“Well, sort of. I’m the best radio navigator around, you know. All you need to know is what to look for.”

“And you know?”

Jonas nodded. He looked solemn and certain, and Isak really, really wanted to trust him. But could he?

“Yes. I can read the static, and the masts and beacons activating and deactivating with radio traffic.”

Okay, that made sense. Isak breathed out, a long and relieved sigh, and smiled shyly after.

“I believe you. And I’ll ride with you, wherever, like I promised.”

Jonas stepped to Isak. He looked Isak in the eye and Isak’s knees felt a bit weak. Jonas hugged him, briefly but tight.

“Thank you. Let’s go.”

They got dressed and covered their face and head. They got on their bikes and turned the engines on.

 

Hours later Jonas raised his hand, beckoning Isak to stop. They did, both of them, looking down in a small valley. Tents. Bikes. People. Isak licked his lips under his scarf. He was nervous and giddy at the same time. He looked at Jonas, and Jonas looked more nervous himself than he had expected. They had found his tribe, right? This was a good thing. Right?

“What is it?” Isak asked.

Jonas shook his head.

“It’s just that. They left. They just left, and I’m not sure how warm the welcome will be. For me, at least, you haven’t done anything.”

Isak wanted to take Jonas’ hand. He wanted to say something encouraging, something that would fill Jonas’ heart with braveness and confidence. But he knew he wasn’t that guy. Jonas was.

“What was the drama?”

Jonas shrugged. He didn’t look at Isak.

“Someone died. It was my fault.”

Isak tried to see Jonas’ face, but it was still covered and Jonas turned it away from him as well. His shoulders twitched. Isak licked his lips again.

“Was it an accident?”

Jonas laughed. It didn’t sound happy at all.

“It was fucking war.”

“What happened?”

“I failed my partner. She died. End of story.”

To Isak it seemed that the story had been barely scraped at, not done with, but he didn’t argue. They were so close to the camp. They couldn’t turn back now. They would die. He wasn’t going to let that happen, to neither one of them. He looked down again.

“You have a radio, right? Ask them.”

“What?”

“Ask them. If it’s okay that we come.”

Jonas stared at him. In disbelief, and scared, and desperate.

“What do I do if they say no?”

Isak shrugged.

“Then we go get that fucking water. Okay?”

Jonas laughed. Short, panicked, but he laughed. Small victories. He shadowed his eyes with his hand and looked down into the valley. At the family he had lost.

“No. Let’s just go. Get it over with.”

Isak nodded. He was ready. He was with Jonas. He wanted to tell him that, to make him believe that no matter what, Isak was with him. But he didn’t have time to come up with anything, Jonas had already started the engine. He was riding down the hill, and Isak had to scurry after him.

The people in the camp saw them coming. Three bikes rode out to meet them, and they all stopped at the same time. The three kids, two girls and a boy, hadn’t covered their faces. Jonas pulled his scarf down, and Isak did too. All three looked at him, curious, then at Jonas, then at him again.

“I told you Kobra Kid would find us!” The boy jumped off his bike and ran to Jonas, taking him into a bear hug. Isak felt a little sting inside him, he didn’t like it that this other boy hugged Jonas like that. And smiled that widely when he saw Jonas.

Jonas laughed again. This time he sounded happier, relieved, his nervousness melted away in the warmth of the hug Isak had no part in. The girls kept their eyes on Isak, measuring him. Isak felt a bit like squirming. Was he squirming?

“Who’s this?”

Jonas stepped away from the hug. Closer to Isak.

“Isak’s from the city. He’s new. I found him and his bike in the desert.”

One of the girls stepped closer to Isak’s bike. She walked around it, looking at it carefully. She was impressed.

“Looking good?” Jonas asked. The girl shrugged, but it was too late. They had all seen she was interested.

“It’s in shit condition. But it’s a good bike. Better than yours.”

Isak raised his chin a bit.

“It’s mine. And it goes wherever I go, and I go -- wherever Jonas goes.”

“Isak --” Jonas tried. Isak shook his head. No. He wouldn’t negotiate on this.

“Come on," the blonde boy from the camp said. “Let’s go meet Monster Ride. He’ll know what to do.”

Jonas didn’t seem too happy about that. But he didn’t argue, either, and finally the five of them decided to do just that. Go to the camp and see Monster Ride. Isak got on his bike again as Jonas did, and he rode directly by Jonas’ side to the camp.

It was a blur. A neverending stream of names and faces, all of them young. Isak’s age or younger, he didn’t see any grown ups. Girls, boys, a couple of kids Isak couldn’t tell which they were. They had left their bikes with the other bikes and were walking through the camp, between the tents. They stopped at the largest of them, and when a young man, the first adult Isak had seen, though he was probably barely in his twenties, stepped out of it everyone went silent.

The guy was definitely in charge here. He was handsome, too. Narrow eyes, high cheekbones, well defined jawline. A commanding presence.

“Kobra Kid," the guy said. “Impressive. Finding your way back. Please.”

The guy stepped back and waved his hand, beckoning Jonas into his tent. Isak tried to follow Jonas, but Jonas touched his arm briefly and shook his head. Isak stopped, and watched Jonas enter the tent, and the guy follow him there. The camp woke up again, everyone scattering to continue doing whatever it was they’d been doing.

“Funny," the blonde boy said behind Isak. “Monster Ride was more interested in him than you.”

Isak turned to look at him. He looked friendly. And curious, really really curious. Isak knew he wasn’t being fair but he had found someone who seemed safe to be pissed at.

“He calls you his tribe. A family. And you left him in the desert to die.”

That hit. It hit harder than Isak had intended to, because the boy seemed to just crumble at Isak’s feet. He started crying, too.

“I voted no! It was an accident, it wasn’t Kobra Kid’s fault that Acid Blood died.”

“Hey. Please. Stop crying.” Isak couldn’t handle it at all, seeing someone cry like that. Because of him. It was wrong. He was starting to get upset himself, and he really, really wanted to drink. “Do you have water here? I’m parched.”

“Of course!” The boy stopped crying, like Isak had hoped, and hurried off dragging Isak with him. They went to the supply storage tent and retrieved a bottle for water. Isak drank, grateful.

“What’s your name?” Isak asked the other boy, handing the bottle over to him. He didn’t drink, just closed the cap and gave the bottle back to Isak.

“Shade Rage. Yours?”

“You all have weird names. I’m just Isak. What was it you called Jonas, Kobra something?”

“Kobra Kid. Yes. That’s his name.”

“I thought his name was Jonas.”

Shade Rage shook his head.

“No. That’s just a name. Kobra Kid is more. It’s him, his true name, his nature. Once you find your tribe you will find your name. Monster Ride will give you one, too, I’m sure.”

“I don’t know. I like Isak.”

“Well, Shade Rage is a million times better than Magnus. What’s that supposed to even mean? Our old names are something our parents gave us before they knew who we were. It’s not us, it’s something they hoped we’d become.”

Magnus, Isak thought, was better. Shade Rage didn’t mean anything, just some cool sounding gibberish. Acid Blood, Kobra Kid and Monster Ride were the same thing. But he didn’t want to make Magnus cry again, so he just nodded.

“I guess.” Isak considered for a bit. But this might be the last chance he would get. “What happened to Acid Blood? I need to know.”

Magnus looked around, quickly, to check if anyone was close by.

“She was his gunner. The rock was completely covered in sand, we were in the middle of a raid, he couldn’t have seen it. They fell. If you fall you stop moving, and if you’re not moving you’re --” Magnus grimaced. This was hard for him. “You’re a sitting target. It’s a miracle Kobra Kid wasn’t shot too.”

Isak nodded. Slowly. There were a million questions buzzing in his head. A raid? Gunfight? Dead people? Why wasn’t Magnus more upset talking about it, why did it sound like business as usual? Before he could ask, a girl ran to them and told them that Monster Ride wanted to meet the new kid.

They followed her to the leader’s - it was obvious, Monster Ride was the leader here - tent. Jonas stood outside it, visibly upset. Isak ignored the girl and the ushering, he walked straight to Jonas and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Jonas? What happened?”

“Just get in there," Magnus said. “I’ll take care of Kobra Kid.”

Magnus wrapped his arm over Jonas’ shoulders and pulled him away. Isak was about to follow when someone cleared his throat behind him. Monster Ride.

Isak turned around. The guy was looking at him, his hair hanging in front of his eye, his other eye narrowed. He looked mysterious and dangerous. Intense. Isak was the first one to avert his eyes.

“Come on.”

Monster Ride returned in his tent. Isak followed him. He pulled the fabric at the door aside and stepped in. It was a big tent, it had two rooms. A sitting room and a bedroom, Isak could see the corner of an inflatable mattress behind a light screen. The sight made him blush.

“Please, sit.” Monster Ride has sat down himself, in a nest of inflatable pillows. Isak sat down on one carefully, opposite the young man lounging all relaxed. Monster Ride looked indifferent. Isak didn’t think that was appropriate.

“What happened with Jonas?”

Monster Ride raised his eyebrow.

“Kobra Kid is none of your concern. He’s our problem, not yours, outsider.”

“He’s not a problem! He saved my life!” Isak raised his voice, clenched his fists. He wasn’t sure anymore, if he wanted to be an insider in this club.

“And caused Acid Blood to lose hers.”

“From what I hear it was an accident.” Isak got up. He couldn’t just sit still and have this conversation, he had to move. Pacing back and forth. “Besides, what the fuck do you expect from a gunfight?! People are bound to die in those!”

Monster Ride wasn’t moved. He shrugged, untouched.

“It was a standard supply run. People tend to die without water and food, too, you know?”

Isak had to admit the guy had a point. He had tried making it in the desert and noticed how hard it had been. How terrifyingly lonely. He turned away from the leader, furious at himself for not coming up with a response. Monster Ride let him simmer. Finally Isak sighed, looked at the man from the corner of his eye.

“Are you taking him back? Jonas. Kobra Kid. If you don’t let him stay I’m going with him.”

Monster Ride laughed.

“Some threat. You’re an outsider, we would be doing you a favour by letting you in.”

“We’re not talking about me now.”

They looked at each other. Isak on his feet, Monster Ride sitting, measuring each other. Finally the man chuckled.

“Fine, I’ll bite. What will you give me if I let him stay?”

Isak took a tiny step back. He remembered how Jonas had looked at him. _What would I do if they say no?_ Isak knew Monster Ride had seen his face just now, and that the man must have understood he had the upper hand.

“I have these," Isak said, taking off his backpack. He took the crackers out of it. Jonas had considered them valuable, maybe --

“Don’t care. Got anything better?”

Isak’s skin crawled under the man’s gaze. He closed his eyes for a moment. Took deep breaths. He remembered a touch at the back of his neck, maybe a kiss.

“Would you settle for me admitting my defeat? I can kneel in front of you and give my pride to you, but do you really, really need my inexperience too? As a leader I’m sure you can get plenty, and better.”

Monster Ride didn’t say anything. Isak opened his eyes and looked at the man. He was considering. Maybe. Isak’s breathing grew shallow, passing only through his nose in sharp little draws. He was so, so scared.

The man stood up. He looked at Isak and Isak knew what he was supposed to do. He had to force himself to do it, to make his feet move, but he managed to drag himself to Monster Ride. Right in front of him. Isak could smell his skin, his hair, his. Masculinity. He swallowed, nothing, his mouth was so dry.

“Down, boy," Monster Ride whispered. Isak swallowed again. But he obeyed. He landed on one knee first, then turned the other one under him too, his knees sank in the sand. He looked up at the man and closed his eyes as he felt the fingers on his cheek. Shallow breaths. He didn’t know did he want Jonas to know about this sacrifice or not. Probably not, he was too ashamed to.

“Open.”

The fingers pressed lightly, at the corner of Isak’s mouth. His lips quivered. He forced them open. It was okay. It was for Jonas. Anything, including death. This wouldn’t kill him. Not long, at least.

He waited. And waited. He didn’t hear anything, the fingers had retreated, Isak was on his knees in the sand, his mouth open, ready to receive but nothing came. Finally he opened his eyes again, barely breathing anymore. Monster Ride’s face was directly in front of his, the man had grouched without Isak noticing it.

“Maybe later," the guy whispered. Isak felt like fainting. Monster Ride stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. “Welcome to Nissen, Jet Star.”

Just like that. Isak wanted to rebel. He didn’t dare. Monster Ride had given him a name, and his name was now Jet Star. He didn’t understand why, but a part of him was. Happy? He had a parent now. It was insane, but this man was his father now, in a way and sense Isak had no name for.

“Go now," Monster Ride said. He stood up and helped Isak up on his wobbly feet. “Go tell Kobra Kid you’re sleeping in their tent from now on.”

Their. Isak had sort of hoped to be alone with Jonas, but now that he thought of it, the camp had way less tents than kids. Of course they would share. Except for Monster Ride, of course. The man guided Isak out of his tent and at the door nodded at a girl close by. She flashed a warm smile and nodded as well, and Isak knew that this girl would be spending the night in the leader’s tent. It made him feel just a bit queasy.

“Sand Kids of Nissen!” Monster Ride’s voice boomed over the camp. Everyone gathered around, gradually, watching Isak curiously. “Bid welcome to your newest brother, Jet Star!”

Everyone cheered. They raised their eyes and fists to the sky and howled. Monster Ride raised his hand and the howling stopped.

“And welcome your old brother, Kobra Kid. Let the past be left behind and rejoice of his return. Tonight we will dance!”

More cheers and howling. Louder than for Isak. He didn’t mind. He joined them.

 

Isak spent the day with Jonas and Magnus. They showed him around the camp. The supply storage, the bikes, the water purification system. The shower, that recycled its water over and over again until it would have to be discarded. Isak was really tempted to ask for a chance to clean himself up a bit but he didn’t want to undress with Jonas _and_ Magnus present. He’d ask Jonas later. If he’d show him how the shower worked.

Isak kept close to Jonas. He really hoped Jonas would take his hand, but he didn’t. Jonas looked so happy to be back home, and almost everyone Isak saw seemed pleased that he had returned. They seemed more interested in Jonas than him, all of them, the way he had found his way home was impressive to everyone. His absence had been noticed, and he had been missed. Maybe, Isak thought, after enough time, Jet Star would be someone who would be missed too.

Jonas was snatched away from them a lot. To have short private conversations or to come check out a radio or a map, and during those moments Isak was left alone with Magnus. He didn’t mind, really, Magnus seemed like a nice kid, but still, when Jonas was absent Isak grew restless. This was his home, not Isak’s, not yet, and while he really welcomed the possibility of having a family, he couldn’t ignore the threat of it taking Jonas away from him. Isak had liked it when it had been just the two of them.

“So, you’ve met him, what, a day ago?”

Magnus startled Isak with his question. And made him blush.

“Yes. One day and one night and today.”

Magnus nodded. He was grinning, knowingly.

“That’s all it takes. Less, even.”

“What takes?”

“Hi, Kobra Kid," Magnus greeted over Isak’s shoulder. Isak spun around way too fast. He didn’t see anyone, but he did hear Magnus giggle behind him. A part of Isak wanted to punch him, but a bigger part wanted to dig a hole in the sand and disappear there forever.

“Sorry about that. I just had to prove my point.”

“Mm.”

A sudden noise made Isak jump. It was a roaring, rumbling sound, electrifying. It filled his body with its vibrating purr, made his heart beat faster and louder. His senses keen, his eyes wide.

“What was that?”

Magnus grinned, from ear to ear.

“That, my brother, is a guitar. If your bike had a radio you’d heard it before.”

The sound crawled up and down, squirming like a living thing. It made Isak’s skin prickly and his  feet restless. He wanted to go closer to the sound. It was music, but not like any music he’d ever heard before.

“Doctor D is on ether again," Magnus explained, without really explaining anything. “You’re in luck.”

“Can we go closer?” Isak finally managed to ask. Magnus was happy to lead the way. They walked between the tents and ended up in the middle of the camp, an open space. There were two huge speakers and through them music, blasting so loud that it made the air vibrate. Isak stepped closer to Magnus, without noticing it himself.

Monster Ride jumped up on a rock next to the speakers. He was shouting something above the music, to the crowd gathering up to the clearing, but Isak didn’t hear him. He didn’t care, either. He was looking at Jonas, who was standing by the rock, without a shirt and some sort of red paint on his skin. Two lines on his each of his cheekbones, three broader ones across his chest. He was smiling.

“Go," Magnus told Isak, pushing him towards Jonas. Isak went. He walked to Jonas. He couldn’t hear anything but the blasting music, the guitar and drums and something that sounded like a flute but not quite. Jonas reached out his hand. Isak took it and let Jonas pull him close.

“Take off your shirt," Jonas said, his face very close to Isak’s ear. Isak’s heart was fluttering, but his mind was still in charge. He knew why. Not because Jonas wanted to, but because this was something that was done. Isak was a bit shy of the idea of simply undressing in front of everyone, but the music, the golden glow of the sun starting to set, Jonas, it was like this whole thing wasn’t exactly real. It was part dream. He was safe, Isak thought, and pulled his shirt over his head.

Monster Ride drew the same markings on him that he had drawn on Jonas. Isak squeezed Jonas’ hand at the touch, but it wasn’t too bad, just a stroke, a couple of brushes, and it was done.

“Nissen! Kobra Kid and Jet Star are now your brothers!” Monster Ride shouted. Everyone cheered. Isak was standing there, holding a hand, the center of attention and celebration, and his heart was filling with exhilarating joy. The music was turned a bit louder and the first kids started dancing, here and there, and it wasn’t long until the whole camp had been swept away by the eternal, everlasting movement. Isak, never danced once in his life, surrendered to it completely.

They danced together, him and Jonas and Magnus, with all the others. They were part of the same motion, one without a beginning or an end, and when they were all intoxicated by it the music started to fade out.

Isak froze when he heard the Voice. It was deep, it was powerful, it made every cell of his body pay its full and complete attention to the speaker. Other kids stopped to listen, too, but not as thoroughly as Isak.

_\-- Here’s to all you rock’n’rollers, all the crash queens and motor babies, listen up! The future is bulletproof! The aftermath is secondary! It’s time to do it now and do it loud!_

Isak didn’t know the man speaking, he had never heard his voice before, but his words filled him with a storm looking for a way to erupt. He was a rolling mass of thunder, a howling wind, the merciless drumming of a billion heavy raindrops. He looked at Jonas. He looked at his lips.

The music started again, a new song, full volume. Everyone in the camp raised their fists to the sky and howled, from the bottom of their hearts. Then they continued their dance. Song after song after song. Isak had first waited for the Voice to return but by each song he gave in further, he let go of things like thoughts and an inner voice, he became motion and breath.

They danced until the music stopped. The sun had almost set when that happened, and as the trance was broken the kids looked around them, confused and near frightened. They scattered off, all to their chores, hurrying to finish before the night fell. Isak’s head was buzzing. The paint had spread all over, he was sweaty, he was dizzy.

“Come," Magnus said and pulled Isak away with him. They rushed to the showers and Magnus showed how they worked. Isak washed the dust out of his hair and the paint off his skin. The water didn’t feel clean, but it kind of worked. Magnus waited for him to finish, growing more impatient by the minute.

“He likes you," Magnus said suddenly. Isak looked at him over the plastic wall, it reached him only to the shoulder.

“What?”

“Kobra Kid. He asked me to train you to be his gunner.”

Isak blushed. He turned the water off and grabbed a thin, worn out towel. He was still feeling restless, the storm was within him.

“What does that mean?”

Magnus glanced at the horizon. The sun had almost disappeared. Isak could tell it made Magnus restless. He tried to hurry.

“Every rider has a gunner. You can’t really shoot while you’re riding, especially on sand.”

Isak nodded slowly. He got dressed behind the wall and stepped out.

“So I’d be riding with him, then?”

“Right behind his back, yes.” Magnus flashed Isak a grin, but the dying light made him turn serious quickly. He pulled Isak with him again, towards their tent.

“I do like the sound of that," Isak said, a bin uncertain. He had liked riding with Jonas, he had liked it a lot. Magnus hummed, knowingly, and took Isak inside the tent. It was almost dark, but Isak could see shapes and shadows. Four beds on the sand, made of blankets. But there were only three of them.

“Silver Heat is on a patrol mission," Magnus said. He sounded worried, and like he was hiding it well. He was whispering, because Jonas was already fast asleep, taken by his exhaustion.

Isak crawled on a bed next to him. He didn’t want to talk anymore, Jonas might have woken up. He needed to sleep. Saving lost city boys must have been tiring. Magnus bid him goodnight, whispering, and Isak replied to him, but then they were quiet in the dark. Isak saw the light disappear completely as the night fell over the camp and the desert surrounding it.

A gunner, he thought. He might need to fire the gun. He might need to send a bullet through the air into a living body. Isak looked at Jonas, at the darkness in the direction where he heard Jonas breathing, and he knew he would. To save Jonas, he would. His own heart had been hit already, and no heart was bulletproof.


	4. SING

_ I am not the singer that you wanted _ _   
_ _ but a dancer _

 

Isak focused on the weight of the gun against his palm. He aimed, carefully, his both eyes open. He didn’t jump anymore when he fired, he just squeezed the trigger and heard the shot and remained perfectly still. Ready to fire again.

He really wished the practice targets hadn’t been human shaped. They were just sticks and cloth, bundled up and tied together, but it was way, way too easy to imagine you were shooting at people.

“Headshot!” Magnus exclaimed. Isak glared at him. He was comfortable enough around Magnus for that, the week at the camp had done wonders. He had started to think of Magnus as a friend. Him and his rider, Silver Heat. Mahdi. But the person Isak was most desperate to bond with, to get closer to, didn’t really have time for him. Something had gone really wrong with the radios while he had been gone, and he was still fixing the problems, riding from mast to mast with a team of fixers.

“It’s not a head," Isak said firmly. “It’s a blanket.”

“I  _ mean _ that it was a great shot. You’re ready to try this while on a bike.”

Isak looked at the gun he was still holding. He didn’t like how familiar it had started to feel. He didn’t like the dreams he’d been having, the dreams where the voice he’d heard from the radio chanted at him to take a shot.

“I don’t feel ready.”

Magnus groaned. This wasn’t the first time they had this conversation.

“Look, Jet Star, I get it. You don’t want to kill anyone. But the thing is --” Magnus paused, staring into the ever hostile desert. “It’s about survival. We need supplies. We have to take them, because they are not given to us, and nobody trades with us.”

Isak knew Magnus was right. He knew he was being a hypocrite. He ate the food. He drank the water. He just didn’t want to think about where they had come from. That luxury was about to be taken away from him.

“Beside, if you’re a good enough shot, you won’t kill anyone. You can incapacitate them but leave them alive.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to fire a gun at someone if you don’t want to kill them.”

Magnus shrugged. He had been all patience and kindness towards Isak, but now both were growing thin.

“Kobra Kid is one of my best friends. The best, after Silver Heat. And he needs a new gunner, because he needs to be a raid rider again, because it’s killing him that he’s not one. Are you up for the job or not?”

Isak really didn’t know. But the thought, the idea of someone else being his gunner, riding against his back into battle, was too much to bear.

“Were they together? Kobra Kid and Acid Blood.” Isak knew that Magnus wasn’t together with Mahdi, not like that, but some other riders and gunners were solid.

“Yes," Magnus said. Isak’s heart sank. Jonas had broken his heart, and Isak wouldn’t be enough to mend it. He was too much of a mess himself. “And no.”

Isak raised his eyebrows when Magnus continued. What?

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. They were together, but they weren’t together. They both were with other people too.”

“What? He was with other girls?”

Magnus nodded. “And boys.”

At that point Isak kind of stopped hearing what Magnus was saying. He was too busy taking in what he had just said. That Jonas was with boys. And girls. And other people in general, and Isak couldn’t give him that kind of freedom.

“Jet Star?”

Isak blinked slowly. Magnus was looking at him, amused.

“Huh?”

“Should we try the riding and shooting now?”

Isak looked at the gun he had forgotten he was holding. He thought about riding with Jonas through the desert. He pulled his goggles hanging around his neck back on his face.

“Yes.”

Isak got on the bike. Magnus got in front of him, and the second they took off Isak was happier. He loved this. The riding, the speed, the warm strong back to lean against.

“I’ll take it slow at first," Magnus shouted over his shoulder. “Fire when you’re ready.”

Isak wrapped his left arm around Magnus and turned his right hand to the side. He followed his gaze along his arm to the gun and the barrell, past them into his target. He took a deep breath. He fired. He missed.

“Fuck!”

“It’s okay! We’ll try again.” Magnus rode around and curved past their target again, a bit slower. Isak missed, again. And again, and again.

“Are you even trying?”

“Fuck you! This is hard!”

Magnus stopped the bike and placed his feet on the sand.

“Try now.”

“What? We’re not even moving?”

“It’s an unfamiliar and awkward pose, isn’t it?”

Isak had to admit that Magnus was right. It was hard, trying to keep his balance and his aim at the same time. Isak swallowed his pride in big bitter chunks and raised his arm again. Deep breath. Squeeze the trigger. Fire the shot.

“That’s more like it!”

Isak couldn’t help grinning. He had hit the target, right in the middle of the bunch that represented a torso. For a second he was  _ proud _ that he had hit it so well. That second made him a bit sick to his stomach. It wasn’t like him. Was it?

“Again.”

They practiced for a long time. Isak’s eyes were stinging from all the light and strain. But he was getting the hang of it. He had hit the target when the bike had been moving, he had hit it more than once. He would still need to practice, and with a rider, too. Magnus was a gunner. It would be different with a rider, especially with higher speed and tighter turns.

“Not bad for a day’s work," Magnus said while Isak rubbed his arm. It was tired and sore from holding the weight of the gun for hours. “Do you want Silver Heat take you for a spin before showing your skills off to Kobra Kid?”

Isak blushed. He still wasn’t used to Magnus’ teasing. He didn’t mind it, but still, he didn’t know how to react to it, either. But, Magnus was right. He wanted to impress Jonas, he really, really did.

“If Silver Heat won’t mind? Or you?”

Magnus smiled.

“It’s cool. I totally get it. I’ve been there. There’s this girl I like, but she’s got eyes only for Monster Ride.”

Isak shivered. He remembered his first meeting with Monster Ride. Down, boy. Open. In his memories there was this weird tone, one he knew hadn’t been present at the time. But whenever he thought about it, of himself on his knees in front of the man, he felt something warm splash in the bottom of his shame.

“Why do people want to sleep in his tent so much?” Isak had noticed, it was a thing. A privilege, an honour, to be picked by Monster Ride and taken in for the night, only to be replaced the next. Until next time.

“Well. He is the leader. He’s the best of us. He and whoever is with him gets better food and clean water to bathe in.”

Isak frowned. He walked to the target and picked it up from its pole. He supported it on his shoulder and started walking back to the camp with Magnus and his bike.

“That doesn’t sound fair? Why is he better than anyone else?”

“Because he is?”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

Magnus shrugged.

“He’s worthy.”

Try as Isak might, he didn’t get more out of Magnus. There was something he wasn’t saying, Isak could tell, something that scared him too much. A taboo. But nobody seemed to mind the system of the camp, and Isak was convinced that the rules had been tried and tested and proven the best for survival. He had spent enough time in the desert to know how treacherous and dangerous it could be.

 

Every night Jonas rode back to the camp before sunset. Every night Isak was waiting for him, his heart thumping loud in his ears, watching at the cloud of dust getting closer, listening to the sound of his engine. Isak could tell it apart from the other bikes, he knew which one belonged to Jonas. His own bike had been repaired and equipped with a radio, and passed  to a girl couple of years younger than Isak. He didn’t mind. He didn’t need a bike, he had a rider.

Tonight was the night Isak was going to ask Jonas the question. He was so nervous. What if Jonas said no? He wouldn’t, this whole thing had been Jonas’ own idea, but still, he might have changed his mind? What if it had taken too long for Isak to get the hang of it and come to terms with the brutal facts of desert life? Magnus had laughed at him, friendly and bubbly, and told him over and over again that he was just being silly. It didn’t help much.

Isak stood on a boulder by the edge of the camp and looked out to the desert. He could see the cloud. He could almost hear the engine. The sun was setting behind him, painting the whole scenery with gold and orange. Isak’s shadow stretched out longer and longer by the moment. His legs went on for miles.

The wind was blowing sand everywhere, as usual. Isak readjusted the scarf he had tied on his face. It worked so much better than a shirt. It didn’t smell like Jonas anymore, but Isak could remember the scent and imagine it present when Jonas was out in the desert and Isak missed him horribly. It helped. A little.

The sand scraped at Isak’s bare midriff, too. He knew his outfit was impractical, but he wanted to impress Jonas, and he didn’t turn down any possible mean of doing just that. So he borrowed a cropped shirt from Magnus, and he left the top button of his pants open, and he stood on this rock posing, one foot higher than the other. A powerful pose, but also one that created a nice long curved line along his side, from his head and down his neck and ribs to his bare waist, only to turn into a bump at his ass.

Isak could feel someone was watching him. Jonas was still too far away to see him, other than his shadow stretching along the sand. Isak looked over his shoulder, behind him, and saw Monster Ride standing there. Just watching. Isak bit the inside of his cheek and hoped, hoped so hard, that the man wouldn’t come to him. And, finally, Monster Ride turned around and disappeared between the tents. Isak sighed, relieved, and turned to watch Jonas again.

He was coming closer. Isak could see him now, not just a cloud of dust or a lump of bike and boy. He saw Jonas’ arms and shoulders and head, his scarf, and he knew Jonas could see him too. His heart was thumping. He waited.

Jonas stopped his bike in front of the rock. He made a point of looking at Isak, really looking at him. Isak couldn’t see his expression through the scarf.

“Hey," Isak said.

“Hey," Jonas replied. He sounded like he was smiling.

“Did you get it fixed?”

Jonas nodded.

“Yes. One more mast and the network is fully operational again. I just don’t understand what kind of a signal could have done all that damage.”

“Monster Ride says we ride out as soon as the masts are fixed. Does that mean we’re leaving?”

“Yep. A camp can’t stay in one place too long, it isn’t safe.” Jonas looked at Isak again, for a long time. “You look different.”

Isak blushed. He was so glad his scarf hid most of it.

“I do? If you say so.”

“I say so.” Jonas looked over his shoulder, at the shadows. “Come on, we have to get inside before dark.”

Isak followed Jonas to the camp. Everyone else was also getting ready to retreat into their tents. Isak delayed. He wanted to ask Jonas when they were alone. He stopped in front of their tent and took Jonas by the hand. He pulled his scarf down, too.

“Jonas. Can I ride with you?”

Jonas looked surprised. He let Isak hold his hand, and looked him in the eye, but he didn’t react like Isak had expected him to. He didn’t really react much at all.

“Uh. Of course? Wasn’t that the plan all along?”

Isak bit his lip lightly. Wasn’t it?

“I don’t know. We never talked about it and I’ve been training with Magnus and.”

“It’s so weird to hear you use that name of him. It’s okay to call me Jonas, but Shade Rage has never been cast out.”

“Sorry," Isak said, quietly. “It’s just so. Odd.”

Jonas tightened his grip on Isak’s hand and pulled him into the tent. It was getting dark fast.

“But will you? I need you to say it.”

Jonas pulled Isak down on the ground, too. On the same bed with him. Isak followed him, of course he did, he would follow Jonas anywhere. Jonas turned on his side, his back to Isak.

“Come behind me," Jonas said. “Let’s try it out.”

Isak did. He crawled to Jonas and pressed his chest against Jonas’ back. He wrapped his arm around Jonas, tightly, and held out his gun arm.

“How does it feel?” Jonas whispered. His voice was warm and a bit hoarse. Darker.

“It feels just right," Isak answered. Jonas shifted a bit. Isak felt it along his whole body.

“Yes. Just right.”

They laid there in silence for a long time. Jonas breathing slow and steady, Isak’s breath fluttering all over the place but slowly settling down as well. Sleep was taking them both over, bit by bit. The last thing Isak’s brain registered was Jonas placing his hand on his.

 

Isak tried to fold the tent like Magnus had showed him. The wind kept blowing under it, raising the thin fabric into bubbles, and getting sand between every layer he managed to make. Every grain of sand in there added weight, Magnus had told him, and that made sense. One grain didn’t weigh enough for him to feel it on his palm, but a thousand did. The less sand in the tent, the less fuel hauling it across the desert consumed.

“Here," Mahdi said and grabbed the other end. “Like this.”

They folded the tent and packed it in a saddle bag with their blankets and deflated pillows. The poles were in the other bag, and them both together weighed surprisingly little. Theirs was the last tent, the rest of the camp was already packed in the bags and right now being strapped on the bikes. The air was buzzing with nervous excitement. Moving camp must have been a routine operation, but Isak had to admit that the thought of riding through the desert with his tribe felt exciting.

Riding behind Jonas, especially so.

Isak grabbed the bags and hauled them to Jonas and his bike. He lingered his steps, to look at Jonas for a bit. He was checking his bike carefully, to make sure it was in prime condition for the long ride, and the viewing angles that operation offered Isak were interesting, to say the least.

“Room for two more?”

Jonas looked at the bike, already packed, and then at Isak.

“Well, it’s either them or you.”

Isak turned around way too fast. Shit.

Maybe Jonas didn’t notice. And if he did, would it really matter? Isak knew it must have been obvious that he liked Jonas. Like, liked liked. But they hadn’t talked about it, and Jonas hadn’t expressed any interest in him except when they were spooning through the night, in silence and asleep.

“I’ll make these Silver Heat’s problem, then.”

Isak hurried to Magnus and Mahdi. Mahdi resisted them taking the bags but Magnus simply took them from Isak and told him to get to his rider because they were leaving. Isak flashed him a shy and grateful smile, then ran back to Jonas.

Jonas smiled at him.

“It’s always great," he said, “but the first time is something you’ll never forget.”

Isak blushed, because he was an idiot. He knew what Jonas meant, and he knew what Jonas didn’t mean, but the latter had been hanging in the air between them for a while now, hadn’t it?

Before Isak could come up with an answer the engines started roaring all around them. They were ready to go, they were impatient, they were young and free and wanted to ride.

“Hop on!” Jonas told Isak, and Isak obeyed. He got on the bike, arranged his legs in between all the stuff they were carrying and wrapped his arms around Jonas. They pulled their scarves on their face, Jonas started the engine and turned the radio on with everyone else. The noise was dizzying, the engines and the wind and the music and their cheers formed a dome of sound around the whole tribe. Nissen was going to ride together and the whole desert got to hear it. Isak held on tighter. He pressed his chest closer to Jonas, so his fluttering heart had something to lean on.

It was amazing. They didn’t ride too close together so the dust wouldn’t become an impenetrable wall. Isak could see his brothers, sisters and others spread out around, in front of and behind them, the riders jumping the dunes and rocks in feats of stupid bravery, unable to contain or control themselves anymore. It was like a song, Isak thought, every bike an instrument and every kid a singer. They were making music to complement what was blasting from their radios, and that unrepeatable, irreplaceable masterpiece was their anthem. It was their call to arms in a war against anything that tried to oppose them. It was their battle cry, their declaration of independence, it was their song. Isak sang along to it with all his heart.

The most powerful rush of leaving settled down gradually. The music was still playing, and the spirits were high, but the general mood was turning its focus on the long ride ahead of them. They had to reach the next campsite before dark. Everyone in the tribe was really, really afraid of the dark. Their restlessness had started to take him on as well. He had heard stories, whispered snippets of tumbleweeds and crows, and something like a spell muttered under breaths whenever they saw birds in the sky.

_Hold your breath when the black bird flies_ _  
__Count to seventeen and close your eyes_ _  
___One, two, three, four, five --

Isak glanced at the sky. It was blue, it was endless. He didn’t see any birds, and the sun was still high. He saw Magnus riding behind Mahdi, a short distance away from him and Jonas. They had scarves on their faces too, but Isak could easily tell that Magnus was laughing. He leaned his cheek on Jonas’ shoulder. He had friends. He had a purpose. He was safe.

That was as close to happy as Isak dared to hope for.


	5. Planetary (GO!)

_I've got nothing to lose_ _  
_ _you've got nothing to say_ _  
_ _and we're leaving today_   
_we'll never go home_

That night everyone was exhausted. They had ridden all day, full speed ahead, with minimal breaks, and they had reached their new campsite well before sundown. The camp had been rebuilt and everyone had retreated to their tents to crash on their beds and fall asleep before hitting the ground.

Except for Isak. He was still awake, staring at the desert. They had ridden all day, and the scenery was still pretty much the same. Sand. Sky. The setting sun dyeing everything in bright orange, just like at the old camp. The dread of the approaching darkness, the tents protecting the tribe from it, everything the same. What was the point of moving the camp, anyway, if nothing changed?

_Keep moving, children. The desert is vast and the sun is cruel, it will set you on fire if you let it. Ride fast, die free, don’t let Them get to you._

Doctor Death Defying’s voice had more impact on Isak than his words. If he just thought about them in his head, in his own voice, they were empty and meaningless. But if he focused on remembering how they had sounded when he had heard them, it felt different. It felt important. That booming, deep voice was radiating caring. Doctor Death Defying was their father. Each and every one of them were his children. Everything felt so much better with the radio on. Jonas had been right, without a radio you’d be as lost in the desert as without a bike. You could struggle for a while, but you wouldn’t survive.

“Aren’t you worried that you might turn into a tumbleweed?”

Isak jumped at Monster Ride’s voice suddenly speaking behind him. He spun around and saw that the man was alone. He also saw the cocky grin on his lips. The way he looked at him. Isak pulled his shoulders back a bit.

“I don’t know what that means. I’ve heard someone mention it but I don’t understand.”

Monster Ride came to Isak. He was standing a bit too near, most likely on purpose.

“If you’re out in the desert after sundown, the Scarecrow might get you. Turn you into a tumbleweed, if you’re lucky. Devour you if you’re not.”

Isak tried a chuckle. But Monster Ride wasn’t kidding. He was looking at Isak deadpan serious.

“What?”

Monster Ride nodded.

“He walks the desert in the dark. He sends his crows to find prey for him to catch. It’s not safe to be anywhere where the crows can see you.”

Isak nodded slowly. That explained why Jonas had wanted to make a door, when they had spent a night in a cave. He hadn’t wanted the crows look in.

“What’s a tumbleweed?”

“They say the Scarecrow feasts on your soul. A tumbleweed is what’s left of you after that. An empty shell, walking around.”

Isak shivered. That sounded awful. Suddenly he noticed how tall his shadow was getting.

“Come to my tent, Jet Star. Let your friends sleep. You’re not sleepy at all, after your first move, are you?”

Isak shook his head. He wasn’t, he was wide awake. The day had been too intense, the rush hadn’t yet left his body completely. He had thought he’d be spending the night huddled against Jonas, trying to stay still so he wouldn’t wake him up, but that didn’t really seem all that tempting. He could ask more questions from Monster Ride, to get to know the desert life better, right?

“Okay," Isak said. “I’ll come. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

Monster Ride laughed softly.

“What would it mean if it did?”

Isak blushed. His cheeks felt hot and his skin prickly. Suddenly he kind of wished he’d had more clothes on, but the day had been so hot.

“Nothing.”

“That’s what I thought," Monster Ride said and turned around. Isak followed him to his tent, the biggest one of them all, and all for one. Or two, most of the nights, Isak thought as he slinked in through the door. It was almost dark in the tent, and the second he heard Monster Ride’s breathing behind him he knew he shouldn’t have come. Things would be expected from him and he’d need to find the strength to say no.

“Look, I really don’t want you to --” Isak was interrupted by a lamp turning on. It wasn’t too bright, but it illuminated the tent and the man inside it, and Isak himself as well. The second there was light present Isak’s fear seemed smaller and sillier.

“Hm? You want me to turn the light off?”

“No!” Isak hurried to say. “I mean. It’s okay. Thanks.” Isak just stood there, waiting for Monster Ride to sit down first. That way he could pick his seat far enough from the man. He shouldn’t have come.

Monster Ride took a seat in the pile of pillows. Isak sat down opposite to him, looking at the man over the lantern on the floor between them.

“You look like you’re scared out of your mind, Jet Star. Why is that?”

Isak fiddled with his fingers. Why, indeed, was that?

“I just. I’m not. I don’t want to do anything. With you.”

Monster Ride laughed. His teeth flashed white in the dim light.

“Okay?”

Isak felt like squirming. Monster Ride knew what he meant, Isak was certain of it, but for some reason the man refused to state it out loud. He left it for Isak, and Isak didn’t like it. He licked his lips quickly, to buy himself some more time. That didn’t buy him much of it.

“I know what you do with others who sleep in your tent. I don’t want that.”

“I see," Monster Ride said. Isak couldn’t read his tone, or his face. He had no idea if he was in trouble or not.

They sat in silence for a moment. Isak stared at the lantern, feeling Monster Ride’s eyes on his skin, burning and stinging. He was making it up, Isak thought, Monster Ride hadn’t done anything that could be seen as threatening, the man was just sitting there with that cocky grin of his, and Isak was making up all kinds of things. It would have to stop before he’d pass out or something.

“I should just go," Isak finally said. He got up on his feet and turned to leave.

“The sun has set, Jet Star. The crows are up and about.”

Isak stopped. Shit. He wasn’t seriously scared of the dark, but his imagination got the best of him, and he worked himself up into a state where he was freaked out by how freaked out he would be if he’d seen a crow.

Wait.

“Why did you give me that name?”

Isak turned back, to see Monster Ride had also stood up. And come close. He was standing far too near again, but Isak didn’t want to step back, because that step would have taken him closer to the door and the dark.

“You accelerate from zero to hundred in a second, like a jet engine. And..you shine.”

Isak laughed. Shy, small.

“I do not.”

Monster Ride raised his hand on Isak’s cheek and turned his face a bit. So Isak was looking at him. Something was accelerating indeed. Panic.

“Like a star.”

The man leaned closer and Isak knew why. His lips parted instinctively. He stepped back and turned away.

“I’m sorry if I led you on.”

Monster Ride didn’t seem pleased. To Isak’s relief, he didn’t seem angry, either. Simply disgruntled?

“If you sleep in my bed you will succumb.”

Isak nodded. Yes. That seemed fair. He wasn’t sleepy at all anyway.

“Can I stay here?”

“Yes.” Monster Ride pulled off his shirt, just like that. Isak almost gasped. He looked good, well defined and toned. He had some scars, just like everyone in the desert had, Isak’s eyes followed the longest one across the man’s stomach and to the waistband of his pants, under which it dove to go on who knew how long.

“You can crawl in anytime.”

Isak blushed again. He had been caught looking. It didn’t matter. He would not crawl in. But he did look again, when Monster Ride walked past him to his bed. He saw through the sheer fabric wall the man’s silhouette, how he took off his pants too. Isak looked.

“Turn the lantern off, please.”

Isak grabbed the thing from the floor and turned it off. He was left in darkness. He fumbled his way to the pile of pillows and built himself a little nest to curl up in. He kept listening, carefully, to Monster Ride’s movements and breathing.

Gradually, the breathing got slower and deeper. Isak kept listening to it, he was breathing in the same rhythm himself, and he missed the familiar pace of Jonas. His warm body against Isak’s. His scent, the sunshine and sand infused into his skin.

Isak was still wide awake when he was sure Monster Ride had fallen asleep. He emptied one pillow and draped it over the lantern. When he turned the light on it was dim, dim enough to not disrupt Monster Ride’s sleep. But it was bright enough so that Isak could see.

The tent was large, but there wasn’t much more than space inside it. The nest of pillows, the bed, the stash of Monster Ride’s personal things. And, Isak noticed, in the corner furthest away from the door, something rectangular covered with a blanket. That sparked Isak’s curiosity. He wanted to know what it was.

Isak looked at Monster Ride. He seemed to be fast asleep. Good. If he woke up with Isak sneaking around on this side of the tent he would absolutely get the wrong idea. He had to move really quietly. He sneaked to the corner and pulled the blanket slowly away.

It was a radio. It had headphones plugged in. Isak’s heart was thumping. Maybe he could hear the Voice again. Doctor Death Defying’s voice could chase away his fear of the dark, his terror of the man in the tent with him. His hands were shaking when he put the headphones on.

Isak didn’t hear even static. He found the on switch and flicked it. He listened. Carefully. He found a dial and he turned it, back and forth, slowly. He stopped at every click and wished that Jonas was there to tell him what they meant.

_WIlliam?_

Isak slapped his hand on his mouth to keep himself from screaming. That was. No. It couldn’t be.

_Why are you contacting us in the middle of the night? Is something wrong?_

Isak’s heart was at the same time stopping and fluttering all over his chest. He knew that voice. He would know it anywhere. But it wasn’t possible.

_Did you want to ask for clarification for tomorrow’s strike? I already told you, I checked with the City Council and the number of acceptable casualties is correct. This is an important operation._

Isak listened to his mother talk about casualties and operation and the City Council and tried to understand what was happening.

_William? Are you there?_

Isak flipped the switch. He couldn’t stay silent for a second longer, be pressed his palm so hard against his mouth that his teeth pressed into his flesh. He tried to catch his breath. He tried to stop shaking. This was. This was something big.

“What are you doing?”

Isak yanked the headphones off his head. William was awake. He sounded drowsy. Maybe he hadn’t noticed.

“I was bored and tried to find some music. But I don’t know how to turn this on.” Isak’s voice was shaking less than he had feared. Good. So good.

“Nobody’s broadcasting at night. Because nobody is listening. If you’re bored I’m sure we can come up with something.”

Isak pulled the blanket on the radio and staggered away from it. He had to tell Jonas. He had to tell him now.

“I think I’ll just go now. Good night.”

Isak practically ran out the door into the darkness. The stars were shining bright and numerous, but they offered him no comfort. He needed Jonas. He managed to find their tent and get inside, he felt around the floor with his hands and met the curly hair. He shook Jonas awake.

“What? What’s wrong?” Jonas yawned. “Aren’t you with Monster Ride tonight?”

Isak blushed. Jonas thought that. He thought Isak was. It didn’t matter.

“Jonas I need you. We have to talk. Alone. Now. This is important.”

They were whispering. Jonas was better at it than Isak, who struggled to keep his voice down.

“No. It’s dark. We can’t go out.”

Isak sniffled. He wiped his eyes quickly.

“Please. Jonas, I have to tell you something.”

Jonas wrapped his arms around Isak and pulled him close. Isak was shaking. But Jonas was warm and safe and strong and held him tight until he calmed down a bit.

“The first thing in the morning," Jonas whispered. “I swear. Okay?”

Isak shook his head. Then he closed his eyes and nodded, defeated. Jonas would not budge, an  soon Mahdi and Magnus would wake up and then they couldn’t leave the tent in secret anyhow.

“Don’t let go," Isak mumbled. Jonas laid them both down slowly.

“I won’t. I’m here. It’s okay.”

Isak really, really wanted to believe him.

He curled up tightly against Jonas. He pressed his ear against Jonas’ heart. He ran his fingers down Jonas’ side, counting his ribs, and his scars. Isak heard the heart beat faster. He was breathing heavier, and more shallow at the same time. The harder he focused on that skin, the easier it was to forget what he had just heard, and to keep not thinking about it until morning.

Jonas brushed his lips against Isak’s forehead, at the hairline.

“Stop," he whispered. “We’re not alone.”

“Please," Isak mumbled. “I need to touch you. Like this. That’s all.”

Jonas pulled his hips a bit back. Isak did the same. He let his fingers dance along Jonas’ spine. Jonas let him. Skin, scar, skin, skin, sand pressed into skin, scar, skin skin skin. Isak kept feeling it in the dark, with his fingers, focused on it until sleep finally took him over.

 

The next morning Isak woke up still clinging to Jonas. Magnus was sitting on his bed, and he looked absolutely devastated. Isak yawned and rubbed his eyes, maybe he was still sleeping, but it didn’t help. Magnus was still there, and he looked the same.

“Hi?” Isak tried. Magnus started crying. Jonas moved too, waking up slowly.

When Isak saw the gun Magnus was holding he was suddenly wide awake.

“Shade Rage, you need to tell me what’s going on.”

Magnus threw a length of rope in front of Isak.

“Kobra Kid, tie him up," Magnus managed to sniffle. Isak looked at Jonas over his shoulder. Jonas was so serious. This was not a game or a joke.

“Jonas, please, you have to listen to me.”

“No. You have to put your hands behind your back for me now. Please.”

Isak’s heart was speeding again. He had been caught. Monster Ride, William, had spoken to his mother and heard about a certain one sided conversation last night, and now Isak would pay for it. He would die. He would die before he could tell Jonas. He couldn’t tell him now, not with Magnus present, Magnus was wonderful but not built for secrets like this one.

“Magnus, you don’t need to do this.”

Magnus raised his gun and aimed at them. Jonas was too close, if that gun fired Jonas could be hit too. Especially since Magnus’ hand was shaking so badly. Isak bit his lip and slowly put his hands behind his back. Jonas tied them up. Tight. Not too tight, but Isak had no way of wiggling free from them. He was caught.

“Out," Magnus said. Jonas helped Isak up and out of the tent. Everyone was there. The whole tribe, and the way they looked at Isak hurt like a thousand needles. They all hated him, and he had no idea why.

William stepped forward. Everyone else went quiet.

“Jet Star is from now on held captive until his trial. We’re lucky to have discovered his treachery this early, before he managed to do any actual harm.”

Isak didn’t understand. He tried to look at Jonas, but Jonas turned his eyes away. He tried to look at Magnus but that just made Magnus cry harder.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about," Isak said.

“Silence!” William barked. He yanked a scarf from the closest kid and came to Isak with it. He tied it around Isak’s head, gagging him with it. It tastes like sweat and sand and dust, it made Isak’s tongue dry up. Nissen did let its prisoners drink, right? He didn’t know.

“Jonas --” Isak tried to say, but it was a muffled mess. William grabbed his hair in his fist and twisted until Isak faced him, their noses almost touching.

“You never really fit in, you fucking maggot. Now we know why. Someone could have died because of your sabotage!”

The crowd hissed in its anger. Isak was feeling dizzy. It was too early, too much.

“Take him to the pole!”

Two older boys grabbed Isak and dragged him with them. Isak didn’t put up a fight. He let them walk him through the camp, to the north side. Isak saw a thick pole that had been dug deep into the ground. His ropes were untied and his arms twisted to the front, his chest pressed against the pole and his arms wrapped around it. Then his hands were tied again, and there he was. Caught.

Isak tried to plea. He tried to beg them to at least remove the gag, at least let him have a bottle of water here, but it was in vain. The boys looked like they wanted to beat him up, and Isak felt lucky that they didn’t do just that. But watching them turn their backs and walk away, his brothers leaving him here to rot, hurt just as bad.

The day crawled forward so slowly. The sun crept across the sky. Isak was able to find at least some shade most of the time, but for the torturing, slow hours of high noon he had no cover. The sun and the wind and the sand bombarded him continuously, without mercy, and his thirst got worse by the second. He tried to call out for someone, anyone, but the gag and the drought in his mouth shrunk his voice into less than a whisper. He was on his own.

Monster Ride had accused him of sabotage. And that someone might have died. Isak felt a bit sick to his stomach. He was sure that whatever Monster Ride had done in his name was something where someone getting killed would have been an acceptable casualty. Isak was happy that nobody had died. Then he looked around, at the cloudless sky and the endless desert, and couldn’t help thinking that it might not take long for someone to die anyway.

His torture lasted until the sun started to set. He had almost fallen asleep, leaning on to the pole, when he heard steps and jumped up on his shaky legs. It was Jonas. Isak couldn’t move his tongue anymore, but he howled, he made a desperate sound, he didn’t know where his body found enough water for it but he was crying. Jonas raised his finger on his lips and Isak shut up immediately.

Jonas pulled the gag down. Isak coughed, he tried to lick his lips, but it was useless. Jonas brought a bottle of water on Isak’s lips and Isak drank, he drank it all, to the last drop in greedy gulps.

“Please," Isak whimpered. “I just need to piss.” He didn’t want to do it here, to soil his pants, or even if he could wiggle it out he didn’t want to practically stand in the puddle. “I promise to let you tie me back up, I swear, please.”

Jonas looked at him for a while. His eyes were so gentle, and so pained.

“Is it true?” Jonas asked. Isak started crying again.

“No! You know it’s not! You know me!”

Jonas covered Isak’s mouth with his hand. He looked around, quickly.

“I can’t untie you. But. Here.”

Isak squeezed his eyes shut and hid his face behind the pole as Jonas pulled his pants down. He felt the mouth of the bottle brush against the tip of his dick. He wanted to die. He wished he’d turn into sand and the wind would scatter him over the desert. But he didn’t die, he didn’t turn to dust, he just gave in to his body’s need and relieved himself. When he was done Jonas closed the cap and helped his pants back on.

“I have to go now. I’m sorry.”

“Jonas, please. What will happen to me?”

Jonas shook his head. But Isak saw it flash in his eyes. Isak was going to die. He’d be sent to the desert, probably without anything, not even a bike, and he would die there. If he was lucky and didn’t just receive a bullet in the head right here.

“I must go. The sun is setting.”

Jonas pulled the gag back on. Isak let him. He pressed his fingernails into the pole and watched Jonas sneak back into the camp. He had never felt so alone in his life.

The sun set. It became dark. Isak didn’t hear anyone else come to him. His shoulders were killing him, they hurt in a dazzling sparkling pain, that shot down his arms whenever he moved. He was sitting on the sand, hugging the pole with his legs too, trying to rest his elbows on his knees. He leaned his cheek on the pole and bit down on his gag even though it made his jaws ache.

Someone touched his back, between the shoulder blades. Isak was immediately panicking, because nobody moved that quietly except William. It was time, he would die now, alone in the night. Or maybe it was the Scarecrow, who had come for his soul.

“Don’t make a sound," Jonas whispered. Isak’s eyes grew wide. Jonas. Out in the dark. It was the only thing his wonderful, brave rider was afraid of and he was here, with Isak. Or maybe this was a dream.

Nonetheless, Isak nodded. He would be quiet.

Jonas grouched in front of him to untie his restraints. He was working fast, focused, the moon was only a half but in its light Isak could see Jonas, his figure, his movements. Isak had never seen anything that made him this happy.

“Shade Rage and Silver Heat are bringing the bikes. Can you ride?”

Isak couldn’t, his body screamed in his ears. But he nodded. He couldn’t, but he would. He pulled his wrists to his chest and rubbed them vigorously. He yanked the gag out of his mouth and dropped it to hang around his neck.

“Water?”

“Shit. Here.” Jonas shoved a bottle in Isak’s hand. Isak could barely unscrew the cap, and he dropped it when it came off. He didn’t care, he was so thirsty, he emptied the bottle and only then returned to the real world. Just in time to see Magnus and Mahdi sneak to them, walking with two bikes in full load.

Only then Isak really understood what exactly was happening.

“Jonas, you can’t come with me.”

“I’m not sending you out there alone. You won’t last a week.”

“You just got back in! If you leave now -- what did he say I did?”

Jonas looked away. Isak took a deep breath to whisper-yell at him but Magnus interrupted him.

“One of the bikes was tampered with. It would have exploded mid ride and killed possibly more people than just the rider and gunner.”

Isak was horrified. That was. Had Magnus really.

“And you thought I did it?”

Magnus was on the verge of tears again. Jonas waved his hand hastily.

“We have to go. Now. We must walk the bikes far enough that nobody wakes up when he start them, and we have to go immediately.”

Jonas walked to Magnus and hugged him. Then he hugged Mahdi, who gave Jonas his bike from his hands. Isak went to get his from Magnus, and almost let it fall when Magnus jumped him and squeezed him so hard he could barely breathe.

“I’m so so so so so sorry! You have to believe me!”

When Magnus finally let go Isak looked at him.

“Won’t you two get into a world of trouble for this?”

“Yes," Jonas interrupted again, impatiently. “If they get caught. The longer they hang around here the more likely that is getting. Come on, we have to go!”

Jonas was right. They had to go. Isak hated himself for it, but he couldn’t ask Jonas to stay anymore. He had tried, right? He didn’t want to ride alone in the desert, he didn’t want to die alone. He needed Jonas. Isak hugged Magnus again.

“Ride fast," Isak said.

“Die young.”

“Be louder than God’s revolver --”

“-- and twice as shiny.”

The familiar parting words gave probably more solace for Magnus than Isak. He had been repeating them much longer.

“I’ll bury a lantern in the sand," Mahdi said. “When you can’t see the light anymore it should be safe to ride.”

“Thank you," Isak said. Jonas cleared his throat. Isak hugged Magnus one last time and followed Jonas into the darkness.


	6. The Only Hope For Me Is You

_if there’s a place that I could be_ __  
_then I’d be another memory_ __  
_can I be the only hope for you_ __  
_because you’re the only hope for me_  


Isak was struggling. His feet were sinking in the sand, his arms had gone numb and his shoulders were now a constant crackling fire of pain as he pushed the bike forward. You can’t, his legs screamed at him, you have nothing left in you. He didn’t listen. Isak shut away everything else in the world except Jonas leading him. He followed. He pushed the bike, he pulled his feet out of the sand and moved them forward, step by step, just following Jonas. Nothing to it. He just did it. There were no options, this was not a matter of choice.

Finally Isak looked over his shoulder, and despite knowing the exact location of the lantern he couldn’t see it anymore. It was time. His shoulders would still have to just bear, but at least his legs could rest a bit.

“I can’t see it anymore.”

Jonas turned around too. And nodded.

“We’re walking. The crows can hear the engines.”

Isak almost lost his grip on the bike. He caught it mid fall.

“Jonas I can’t. I’m so sorry but I can’t.”

Jonas looked at him. Isak was too ashamed to look at him at first, but when he did, he saw it. Jonas was scared. He was really, really terrified. Had been for a while. Jonas was fighting back tears and Isak couldn’t take that, not at all.

“I’m okay. Let’s just go before my legs get the word.”

“Are you sure?”

Isak shook his head. He wasn’t.

“Just promise to help me up if I fall, okay?”

Jonas bit his lip. Isak walked past him, pushing his bike onward, one pained step at the time.

“Okay," Jonas sighed and walked with him.

Jonas caught Isak before he hit the sand. He pulled Isak against his chest and held Isak’s bike up with his leg. It must have been hard and painful. Isak clinged to Jonas’ shirt and tried to bend his legs under himself so he could push his body up on his feet again.

“We’re leaving your bike here. We’ll come look for it in daylight, if it’s safe. Come on.”

Jonas helped Isak back to his own bike. Isak sat on the sand beside it while Jonas gathered all the water and food and two blankets from the bags. Isak helped him shove them in the bags.

“You sit on the bike and put your hands on my shoulders. I’ll walk you and the bike.”

“What? How strong are you?”

Jonas chuckled. It was too dark to see, and the scarf covered his face, but Isak was pretty sure Jonas had blushed.

“Strong enough. Hop on now.”

Isak climbed on the bike. It took them a couple of tries, but they managed to balance everything out so that Jonas could walk with the bike while Isak was on it. He was close enough so Isak could smell his hair and the skin at the back of his neck, the scent he had been falling asleep to for many nights now. He had to stay awake now. He looked up to the sky but couldn’t see any birds, only stars.

Finally there was dawn. It started as a pale glow, then it turned into a strip, then the colours and light spread across the sky until the sun peeked over the horizon again. It was daylight. The Scarecrow had retreated into the shadows.

“Jonas, you have to rest.”

“Hop off so I can get on," Jonas just said. Isak slid down from the bike and let Jonas mount it. He climbed back on, behind Jonas.

“Are you sure you can ride?”

“I can ride in my sleep," Jonas said and started the engine.

 

Jonas was very quiet. He looked out the glassless window of the abandoned energy station and just sat there, without saying anything. Processing what Isak had just told him. About Monster Ride, and his mother, and what it all could mean. It was something big, big enough to frame Isak as a saboteur and put lives in danger.

Isak let him think. Those were the longest minutes in his life. Longer than the ones under the sun, tied to a pole. What if Jonas wouldn’t believe him? No. Jonas had to believe Isak, or at least in Isak, he had abandoned his family for him.

“What you’re saying, Jet --” Jonas bit his tongue, shook his head. Isak had asked him to not call him with a name Monster Ride had given him. “Isak. This is huge. If it’s true. Are you absolutely sure?”

“It was my mother, Jonas. I know her voice, I’ve heard it my whole life. Monster Ride, William, is speaking with city folk. What if he’s not the only one?”

Jonas shook his head.

“You’re saying that my life is a lie. That all of our lives are a lie.”

Isak nodded slowly.

“Not all of it.” Isak took Jonas by the hand. “This is real. This is true.”

Jonas pulled his hand away.

“I’m sorry, Issy, I can’t -- I’m going to listen to the radio for a bit now. We should go get your bike.”

Issy. Jonas had named him and Isak could barely hear the rest of his sentence. But he heard a _we_ in there. It was all he really needed.

“Okay.”

Isak watched Jonas go outside. He followed him to the door. They had found this place early in the morning, slept for a few hours and then Isak had told Jonas everything he had heard. Isak found half a packet of energy gel from his pocket and sucked it empty absentmindedly. He was focusing on Jonas, who was on his knees by his radio, turning the knobs and switches and listening to the clicks and the static, the language Isak couldn’t understand. Jonas sat there for over an hour. Isak brought him some water and forced him to eat something, and then Isak lost him to the radio waves again. All Isak could do was wait.

Jonas got up. He was frowning, like he always was when he was thinking about something he wasn’t too happy about.

“I think it’s safe to go get your bike.”

“Well, that’s great news?”

“Not really. I should be able to tell for sure. But I’m not.”

“They don’t know which direction we went," Isak said. “Wouldn’t they use the radios if they spread out to search for us?”

“Yes," Jonas sighed. “If they don’t come to think of the fact that I’m really, really good with radios.”

Jonas had a point. Monster Ride wasn’t stupid. Neither were the kids of Nissen. But they needed that bike.

“The longer we wait the riskier it gets," Isak said. “It’s your call. You’re the rider. I’m your gunner and I go where you go, always.”

Jonas frowned again. Isak put his hand on Jonas’ arm.

“I’m not afraid to die with you. But I’d rather die trying than just fade away.”

Jonas grinned.

“You sound like a sand kid, at last.”

“To hell and back?”

“Hell yeah.”

Isak pressed harder against Jonas, encouraging him to ride faster. Jonas took the bait. He revved the engine and they sped across the dunes, like on their first ride together, only better. They knew how their bodies worked and moved together, and they could go so fast that it was almost hard to breathe. This, Isak thought, was exactly what they needed after last night.

“Turn the radio on!” Isak asked Jonas. He wanted music. Maybe Doctor Death Defying was out there now, broadcasting courage and carnage for the sand kids all over the desert.

It took a moment for Isak to get over the sound of the voice of God, so that he heard what he was actually saying.

“Stop the bike! Turn it up!”

Jonas slowed down and stopped. Isak reached under his arm to turn the volume up.

_If you encounter the spies, fire at the first chance you get. Kobra Kid and Jet Star must pay for their deeds._

Isak turned pale. His fingers and toes felt numb. He listened to the voice he had loved from the first word recite a list of things he and Jonas had supposedly done. Terrible crimes. If Isak had encountered the people Doctor Death Defying was talking about, he would have shot them without blinking.

But he was talking about them.

Him and Jonas. That made no sense at all. They listened to the man on the radio talk about them, they pulled their goggles on their forehead and their scarves down, as if they’d been somehow disrupting the message. It didn’t help.

“Monster Ride," Isak hissed. “He doesn’t know that Monster Ride is a liar.”

Jonas didn’t say anything. Isak knew without seeing his face that he was upset, he could feel it in the muscles of Jonas’ back. He stroked them, tentatively.

“Jonas, we need to find him.”

Jonas looked at him, confused.

“Find who?”

Isak pointed at the radio.

“Him.”

Isak could see the cogs turning inside Jonas’ head. Then he got it. Realization spread on his posture like the dawn. Then it mixed with disbelief.

“You can’t be serious.”

“He can tell everyone what actually happened.”

Jonas looked at Isak over his shoulder.

“If he believes us.”

It was Isak’s turn, he realized. It was his turn to be the strong one, the one who knew what they were doing. His plan was terrible and it had many breaking points, but it was a plan.

“It’s our only chance. The whole desert will be after us now. We have to go get the bike, and then we’ll return to the fuel station and spend the night there. Tomorrow morning we’ll go find him. You can do it, can’t you?”

“Isak, you’re asking me to find God.”

Isak reached over and gave Jonas a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Amen.”

Jonas blushed. He blinked. Then he pulled his goggles and scarf back on. Isak did the same. Jonas turned the radio off and sped off, full throttle. Isak leaned his ear on Jonas’ back and heard his heart beat fast and hard.

 

Isak rummaged through the backpack once again. It didn’t help, more blankets didn’t magically appear in there. The fuel station had too many windows to cover. Too many missing doors. The sun was setting and Jonas was getting increasingly nervous.

“Anything?”

Isak sighed. He stood up and turned to look at Jonas.

“I’m sorry. Nothing.”

Jonas was fidgeting his scarf. He kept looking up at the darkening sky. The sun was setting, inevitably, and the crows were rustling their feathers behind the horizon.

“Should we just pitch a tent?” Isak asked.

“We need to hide. He’s coming.”

It was painful to look at. How much Jonas was hurting, how scared he was. Isak looked at the pile of blankets and tent cloth he had gathered. Not enough to cover the windows, but. There was enough to cover them. Isak dragged the pile to what was left of a sales counter and hauled everything behind it.

“Come here, then. Let’s hide.”

“That’s not a very good hiding place," Jonas objected. Isak sighed.

“It’s the best we can do right now. Come on.”

Finally Jonas dragged himself to Isak. Isak had made a nest under the counter, with the tent as their mattress and the blankets piled up with the pillows. It looked like debris. They could hide in that, and even if Isak said so himself, it was pretty impressive work.

They crawled into the pile and Isak covered them carefully. It got dark. Isak couldn’t see a thing, but he could hear Jonas breathing and his own heart speeding up again.

“Jonas," Isak said, quiet and low. “Why are you so afraid?”

Jonas drew a breath that sounded a lot like crying. But he wasn’t crying, at least not yet, he was just heavy. He was really, really scared. Isak didn’t know what to do, but he tried hugging. Jonas allowed him. He let Isak slide his hand over his chest and press against him, rest his head on his shoulder.

“It’s okay," Isak whispered. “I was so, so scared when I met you. And at the pole and. Let me be there for you, too, okay?”

“I’m almost seventeen," Jonas said. He said it like a secret, it clunked out of him like a rock that had been weighing on his chest for too long. Isak didn’t know why it was that significant.

“Okay?”

Jonas laughed, without sounding happy at all. Isak felt him move, maybe wipe his eyes.

“That’s when you will meet the Scarecrow. If you make it to seventeen without falling in battle or being turned into a tumbleweed, the night you turn seventeen you will go to his temple to face him.”

Jonas sounded so scared. His voice was trembling and thin. He didn’t sound like himself at all, and for a moment Isak realized just how small and helpless the both of them were, under the endless sky, huddled up under some blankets inside a building with no doors.

“What happens then?” Isak forced himself to ask. Jonas had to tell him this. It didn’t matter if he was ready to hear it or not.

“Those who return are made leaders. I would return to Nissen, take a few tribe members with me and we’d leave, never returning. We’d start our own tribe. But -- so few ever return. One in ten. Twenty.”

Isak stroked Jonas’ collarbone with his fingertips, lightly, lightly. He kept his own breathing steady and slow, so that Jonas had something to copy.

“And if you don’t return?”

“Nobody knows. They are never heard of again. The Scarecrow takes them, some people say he turns them into crows and sends them off every night to find him more souls to feed on.”

Isak shivered. He saw it in his head, the long claws of the Scarecrow, stretching over the desert, like shadows in the darkness, invisible black talons.

“But," Isak tried. “I’m sure you will make it. You’re a million times more worthy than William.”

“It’s not just that.” Now Jonas was crying. A bit. He sniffled, and a wet hot tear dropped on Isak’s forehead. He didn’t wipe it away.

“Tell me. Please. I need to know these things.” Isak was one of the sand kids now, and he needed to know all the rules.

“The Scarecrow can sense it. He can smell me getting older day by day, and he’s impatient. Every morning I wake up, I’m grateful I’m not a tumbleweed.” Isak could barely make out what Jonas was saying, through his tears and sniffling. He wrapped his leg around Jonas too, trying to just hug him as much as possible. Jonas clinged to him. “I’ve seen it happen many times. They wake up and they’re not there anymore, they don’t know who they are, or who _we_ are and. Issy, I can’t forget you! Please don’t let me ever forget you!”

Isak pushed his fingers into the dark curls. He turned Jonas, his face, slowly. It was still dark, no light reached under the blankets, but Isak looked where he estimated Jonas’ eyes would be.

“Never. I’m not letting that happen.”

Jonas pressed his forehead against Isak’s. He was shaking. Isak wiped his cheeks dry with his fingertips.

“I promise you. I will make sure you will remember me, always.”

Isak wasn’t sure which one of them kissed first. Probably him. It happened so easily, just a small movement, turn of his face, and his lips were on Jonas’ lips in his first proper kiss. It took his breath away. When it ran away, frightened by its own power, Isak was near panting.

“Always," he whispered again. He closed his eyes as he felt Jonas slip his hand under his shirt, against his flickering skin. His own hand was shaking as it searched its way to the back of Jonas’ neck, to pull him into another kiss.

Jonas tasted so good. Like he smelled, he tasted like the desert. Sunshine. Wind. Blue, blue sky, Isak didn’t know before this kiss that the sky had a flavour, but it did, and Jonas tasted exactly like it. Isak caught his bottom lip between his own, flicked the tip of his tongue at it and let go, and the sound Jonas sighed out made Isak’s stomach feel heavy and warm.

“Remember me," Isak mumbled, leaning closer, his lips against Jonas’ neck. His skin tasted like sand, dust, and salt. Isak loved that taste. He ran his lips over it, tried it with his tongue, nibbled at it with his teeth too, but carefully. Jonas wrapped his arms around him tighter, pulled him closer. Isak arrived. He crawled on top of Jonas, their bodies pressed together, he pushed his hands along Jonas’ sides under his shirt. He just wanted more skin, he couldn’t get enough.

“Remember me," Isak murmured again, nibbling on Jonas’ ear. Jonas was more sighing than breathing by now, Isak felt his body move in slow rolling waves under him. Isak pulled back just enough to drag the shirt off Jonas. Jonas helped him with his shirt, and as Isak pressed back against him they both gasped sharply. They exhaled into each other’s lips, locked in a passionate kiss.

Isak froze for a split second when he felt it. Jonas was hard under Isak’s hip, just as hard as Isak himself was, and the realization that Jonas must have felt his just as clearly was what made him pause. Briefly. His hunger won, his thirst, his lust and need. Isak pressed his hard dick tighter against Jonas, enjoying the wonderful friction it gave him, a beautiful contrast to the slick smoothness of their tongues rubbing together.

It was getting hot. The air was heavy under the blankets, heated by their want, it was completely dark but Isak still closed his eyes. He focused on his skin, his mouth, his fingers, all of them all over the smooth strong chest under him. He was drowning Jonas into this, wrapping the sharp edges of his fear into this thick warmth. The Scarecrow had no place here.

Jonas stroked Isak’s back, drawing squirming little trails along his skin. It felt so good. They had hugged before, they had, Isak had pressed his skin against Jonas just like this, but now everything was different. There was an urgency here, hungry grasps and mouths, and when Jonas touched a spot more sensitive than others, near the edge of Isak’s pants, he moaned softly. It felt so good. Almost too good, and still not enough.

“Jonas," Isak whispered, against his collarbone. He rutted his hips against Jonas. “Please?”

Jonas pushed his fingers into Isak’s hair. Pressed Isak’s face closer to his skin.

“Yes.” Isak heard Jonas lick his lips. “Yes.”

“Yes," Isak repeated, in a happy sigh. He needed this so much, and Jonas was willing to give this to him. Isak rolled a bit to the side, off Jonas, so he could reach the clasps and buttons that were keeping his pants up. They were so badly in the way it wasn’t even funny. Isak fumbled in the dark, hissing silent curses, they made Jonas laugh. A warm, deep chuckle, he sounded so. Happy.

“Hell yes," Isak sighed when the pants were finally undone. Before Isak could shove his hand in them Jonas grabbed him and flipped him on his back. It made Isak gasp sharply, enthusiastically, being thrown around like this by Jonas felt so hot. The certainty, with which Jonas unbuttoned Isak’s pants in this full darkness, was a major turn on too. Jonas knew what he was doing, and Isak trusted him completely.

Jonas eased Isak’s pants down so, so slowly. It was pure torture. Isak wanted him to go faster, but he could feel from Jonas’ movements, hear from his soft sighs, that Jonas was still a bit on edge. This was a moment of heat and desire, but it was still a delicate one. They were both so raw, for different reasons but equally much.

“Kiss me again," Isak whispered, when his pants were finally pulled past his buttocks. He needed the certainty he could drink from Jonas, from his lips, and as Jonas pressed those on Isak’s Isak pushed his tongue between them. It felt so wonderful, to want something this much. Isak felt so alive. His hands fumbled and missed their mark constantly, shaking and scared, but with each touch, each kiss, each brush of the tongue from Jonas made Isak’s confidence grow. Jonas was liking this. Isak could feel against his thigh just how much.

Isak really, really wanted to touch that dick. He was a bit scared and a lot nervous, but even more so he was horny. He had been wanting to do this, to hear these sounds Jonas was making, for a while now. Days, but it seemed like months, or years. Jonas seemed to sense he was hesitating, since he pulled away from the kiss and rolled on his back.

“Go ahead," Jonas whispered, his voice dark and low. “It’s okay.”

“Mm.” Isak nodded. He settled on his place, nesting against Jonas, his head on his shoulder, and stroked that lovely warm heaving chest. Isak let his fingers travel lower, taking their time, listening to Jonas. His heart, his breathing, his soft moans. His own breathing was a hot mess, getting caught in his throat or interrupted by a moan or a sigh repeatedly. His fingers went lower, lower, lower still, they met the line where the barrier of the waistband had been only moments ago, and they passed it. Isak’s hand dove in Jonas’ pants, and just like that he was having sex with him.

Isak found what he was looking for. It was hard. It was smooth. It was nice and big, not huge or anything, but when he wrapped his fingers around it it felt substantial. It was laying against Jonas’ thigh inside his pants, Isak helped it up slowly. He eased it out of the pants and ran his fingers along the length, carefully, feeling every detail of the shaft with his fingertips. It was so smooth and silky, most of it, and it had a couple of veins traveling around it in long lazy curves. The tip felt hard and a bit moist, and as Isak pushed the tip of his finger lightly against the hole at the top Jonas moaned louder.

Isak reached over and kissed Jonas again. He wrapped his fingers around Jonas’ hard, pulsating dick and started moving them, up and down, in slow, tentative strokes. The way those touches made Jonas stumble in the kiss made Isak smile against his lips. It was so good. It made Isak feel so sexy and hot. Something he did drove Jonas this off balance, it was delicious. Isak moved his hand faster, bit by bit.

“Ohhhh shit, Issy, that feels so good," Jonas moaned. He grabbed Isak’s shoulder and his hair, just held on, pushing his hips off the ground to meet Isak’s fingers. He pushed them in the same rhythm Isak was moving his hand. Isak saw it in his head, the heated thrusts, how they made Jonas’ abs contract, and that sight made him pant.

Isak rested his cheek against Jonas’ chest and turned the angle of his elbow a bit. So he could stroke faster. Harder. More demanding than he ever was before. He was commanding Jonas to come with everything he had. He felt a hard nub brush against his lips, and he closed his mouth around it. That made Jonas cry out in his heat, and that cry was turned into a series of lustful whimpers when Isak kept flicking his tongue over the nipple. He moved his hand faster. He wanted to make Jonas come, he needed it so bad.

At least Jonas wasn’t thinking about the Scarecrow now. Not as far as Isak could tell, Jonas was focusing his full attention on Isak, his lips and his tongue and his hand, his sighs against skin. Isak was making tiny little sounds echoing every moan Jonas let out, he was making them at the back of his throat, these sharp, small barks he didn’t recognise as his. They were something older than him, something ancient, primal.

Jonas came. Isak felt him tense up first, then release, he felt the hot splash on the back of his palm and all over his fingers. Isak slowed down his strokes, softly pumping Jonas until he couldn’t give him one more drop. Jonas settled, drowsy, spent, beside Isak, and Isak himself was wound up so tight he felt like he could explode any second now.

Jonas pushed Isak on his back. Isak made an excited little chirp. His pants were already out of the way, hugging his thighs, and the tip of his dick had left a moist spot below his belly button. Isak bent his head back when he felt Jonas’ breath on his neck, then his lips, his teeth, and at the same time Jonas grabbed Isak’s dick in his hand. It felt incredible. It felt familiar, like his own hand, and at the same time it was a stranger, Isak had no control on how it touched him, or where, and that felt so, so good. Not knowing, just getting, receiving, accepting.

Jonas nibbled at the side of Isak’s neck with his teeth. He licked the skin with his tongue, he moved his hand in fast strokes up and down Isak’s tight dick. Something was coiling up inside Isak, every stroke, every bite, every touch of the tongue signaled his body to prepare, to build up, to seek release. Isak had no idea how loud the sounds he was making were, he didn’t care one bit, all he cared about was that release, getting closer by the second. His first orgasm with anyone else, he couldn’t wait for it. He couldn’t. He. His first. His first, his, with Jonas, Jonas, Jonas --

Isak screamed Jonas’ name when he came. Maybe. He wasn’t sure, he couldn’t tell, his head was a red glowing mist and his dick a white hot lightning bolt, he came ridiculously hard. He heard Jonas chuckle.

“Dude, you got some on my face.”

“Sorry!” Isak winced. Jonas stroked his cheek.

“It’s okay. It’s hot.”

Just like that, Isak was rock hard again. Every real thing except seemed to disappear. He moved his thigh a bit to the side. Jonas was hard as well. It was so hot under the blankets, but it added to their lust, the lack of oxygen as dizzying as the touches of hands, mouths, tongues. Isak kissed Jonas again. He could taste a drop of himself on his lips.

They made each other come again and again. After his third orgasm Isak collapsed against Jonas, he pulled his hips back, away from him, no more. He was seeing stars. It might have been the thick air, too, but he didn’t care. He was done. He was panting. He slid his hand along Jonas’ sweaty abdomen but Jonas placed his hand on Isak’s. He was done too.

“If," Isak whispered, his voice almost gone from all the screaming and moaning he had been doing these past moments. “If you dare to forget _that_ then I will make my purpose to make you remember it again.”

Jonas laughed. Warm, sparkly. He pressed an exhausted kiss on Isak’s forehead, between the damp curls stuck on it.

“I can’t wait.”

Isak sighed. He was tired, warm and happy. He cuddled up against Jonas and closed his eyes.

“We should try to get some sleep. We have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow.” They would need to go and find God. Though, if you asked Isak, he had been pretty close to him tonight. Three times.

Jonas yawned, long and thorough. He pulled Isak a bit closer.

“Thank you, Issy.”

Isak was almost asleep himself. He rubbed his cheek against Jonas.

“Mmh? For what?”

“For saving us all.” Jonas said something else, too, but Isak didn’t understand it anymore. He was already asleep.


	7. Traffic Report / Jet Star and The Kobra Kid

_ keep your boots tight, keep your gun close _ _   
_ _ and die with your mask on if you’ve got to _

 

Isak woke up because he was feeling so unbearably hot. The air had run out under the blankets, and Isak struggled his way out of them. He was greeted by sunlight flooding the station. How long had they been sleeping?

No. How long had he been sleeping. Jonas wasn’t there with him anymore, and Isak could hear the static of the radio outside. Jonas was already looking. Isak yawned thoroughly and got up on his aching feet. His whole body was sore, all over, and as he pulled his pants all the way up he blushed. Last night had really happened.

Suddenly a rush of anxiety filled Isak, from the feet up. He hadn’t seen Jonas yet. He had no way of knowing if he was still Jonas. Of course he  _ knew _ that this fear was silly and pointless, but Jonas had been so, so afraid and so, so serious last night that it was hard to just push that thought aside. The  _ what if. _

Isak walked to the window as quietly as he could. He peeked out. He saw Jonas, on his knees in the sand by his radio, his back to the window. Isak had to force himself to speak.

“Good morning?”

He sounded ridiculous. His voice was so thin, the wind tore it apart almost completely. But Jonas heard him, and he looked over his shoulder, and Isak could see it really was him. All of him.

“Morning. Come out when you’re ready, I need a hand in this.”

Isak changed his clothes quickly, and drank some water and ate half of an energy gel packet. He went out through the back door to relieve himself by the wall. Then he circled around to the front, the bikes and Jonas.

“Happy to see me?” Jonas asked, without raising his eyes from the radio. “I saw your face just now. I’m not a tumbleweed yet.”

Isak blushed. He was supposed to support Jonas, but he had let his imagination get the best of him.

“Of course you’re not. Even if he caught you he’d notice your potential as a leader. The bar is obviously not high.”

Jonas hummed.

“You don’t know what Monster Ride was like before meeting him, you know.”

Isak blushed. Jonas was right. But still, he had a hard time to think highly of William.

“It’s not an easy job, either, leading a tribe of sand kids. We’re a handful on a good day, and his job is to keep us all alive. Monster Ride has had his hand full for three years, it must have had an impact.”

Three years, Isak thought. Monster Ride was twenty, then, and he was sleeping with sixteen year olds. Disgusting. It didn’t matter that he refused anyone younger than that, it was still just gross.

“By what my mother said, and what he’s lied about us, I wouldn’t be too sure about that keeping us all alive -part.”

Jonas was silent for a moment. Then he sighed. And nodded.

“You’re right. It’s. It’s hard to really wrap my head around, you know? It’s easier for you, you haven’t shared a tribe with him for over three years.”

Isak did the math. He looked at Jonas, curious.

“You were in the tribe he left?”

“Yeah. Penetrators. A bunch of us chose to ride with Monster Ride and form Nissen.”

“Were Magnus and Mahdi there too?”

“Shade Rage and Silver Heat have both joined Nissen when they came to the desert. I’m- I was the youngest of us who left. Acid Blood and I. Ingrid.”

Isak saw the pain in Jonas’ eyes when he mentioned Ingrid. He still blamed himself for her death. He probably would keep doing that all his life, but Isak could hope he’d come to terms with it sooner or later.

“So. Your whole original family is now..gone?”

“Dead or tumbleweeds. Only Monster Ride is left.”

Isak sat down on the sand next to Jonas. He leaned his temple on Jonas’ shoulder.

“I can see the difficulty. To wrap your head around all this.”

“Thank you.”

They sat silent for a moment. Isak sighed.

“We should get to it, then. What do you need?”

Jonas brushed the curls on the back of Isak’s neck with his fingertips. Isak closed his eyes. It felt good, being Issy for Jonas. It was something more than being Isak, and definitely more than being Jet Star.

“Let’s just sit here for a moment?”

Isak settled himself against Jonas. He was happy to give him this moment.

“Tell me about him," Isak asked quietly. Jonas hummed and wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulders.

“Doctor Death Defying is our. You could say our spiritual leader. His broadcasts give us strength and fire to just -- last. Life can’t be only about survival, and he makes our lives more than that.”

“And they let him do that? The city folk.”

Jonas laughed.

“Of course not. There’s a huge bounty on his head. He’s on the move constantly, and his signal is highly encrypted so it can’t be traced. You’ve asked me to do the impossible.”

“Can you do it?”

Jonas grinned and winked at him.

“For you, Issy? Sure I can.”

Isak blushed and nuzzled a bit closer

“It’s for all of us, Jonas. There is something huge going on, and we must get to the bottom of it.”

Jonas sighed. Deep. Weary.

“I don’t like huge things going on. I just want to fix radios and ride with you.”

“So, radios first, riding with me second?”

Isak shrieked, pleased, when Jonas tickle-attacked his ribs and tipped him over onto the hot sand. When he had tickled Isak out of breath Jonas leaned down on his elbow and kissed him. Bastard didn’t play fair. Isak didn’t really mind, panting into the kiss felt so, so hot. Too hot. They had things to do, Jonas wouldn’t make it through another night in here. They needed proper shelter from the crows. So Isak pushed Jonas away after a while. His eyes were twinkling.

“I forgive you," Isak said with a smile. “Now, we need to get to work.”

Jonas agreed, groaning. He showed Isak how he should use the dials of his bike’s radio, and a couple of minutes later they were both sitting in silence, listening to the static and faint clicking sounds. Isak didn’t understand their meaning, but every time he looked at Jonas - often and frequently - he saw how focused Jonas was. The Scarecrow himself could have walked right next to him and Jonas wouldn’t have noticed a thing.

“Stop right there!” Jonas shouted. Isak jumped, and of course turned the dial, and had to turn it back slowly until Jonas told him to stop again. He did. He didn’t hear any difference, but Jonas seemed really agitated.

“Did you find him?” Isak whispered.

“Not sure. But I found  _ something _ that is worth looking at. Get me a stick.”

Isak got up and shook the sand off his clothes. He looked around for a bit and found a splinter of plastic inside the station. He brought it to Jonas, who had swiped the sand into a flat surface for him to draw on. First he stuck the splinter on the sand and marked its shadow, then he got to scribbling. Isak let him work. He went inside to pack their things.

Isak was ready before Jonas. He didn’t go outside. He walked to the window and looked at Jonas, scribbling away, and could only admire his drive and determination. Jonas was definitely a doer. You gave him a goal and he got working immediately. Isak had been out in the world for so little time that he didn’t know yet what he was, but he hoped whatever it was it’d be a match for Jonas.

Was that love?

Isak didn’t know. He didn’t know what love actually was, he had never seen it in his life. His parents must have loved each other at some point, right? Maybe. It was clear that Isak didn’t know his mother at all, so maybe he didn’t know his father, either. He leaned his elbows on the windowsill and just looked at Jonas. He didn’t feel like looking at anything else, and he wanted to be with him so much. Maybe that was love.

It was a disappointment that Isak couldn’t ride with Jonas on his bike, behind his back. But riding with him was fun too, speeding across the sand and the dust and just following Jonas, following him anywhere and everywhere. Watching Jonas jump the dunes and pull every ounce of power out of the engine. It inspired Isak to ride faster, more dangerous, that danger felt the same like the music had felt when he had ridden with the tribe. He was with his tribe, Isak thought, he was with his family. Jonas was his family, and that was all the family he needed.

Finally Jonas slowed down. He stopped. Isak stopped his bike and grabbed the water bottle first thing, he emptied it completely. It wasn’t wise, but he was so thirsty.

“What is it?” Isak asked. Jonas raised his hand to shut him up. Isak waited. Finally Jonas turned to look at him. He looked pained.

“It doesn’t make sense," Jonas whispered. Isak got off his bike and walked to Jonas, took his hand.

“What is it?”

“I have followed the signal, through the masts, through the encrypters, and I’m sure I have it. I didn’t lose it, I’m sure of it, but it doesn’t make sense.”

Isak tried to catch it. What Jonas was going for, but he couldn’t. He stroked the back of his palm with his thumb. He encouraged Jonas to draw strength from him.

“What doesn’t?”

Jonas squeezed his hand.

“This is not a mobile system. It’s fixed.”

Isak nodded slowly. He knew Jonas didn’t want to say it out loud. It was Isak’s job.

“So, when Doctor Death Defying is supposed to be on the run --”

“Fuck, Isak! It doesn’t make any sense!”

Isak stroked Jonas’ cheek.

“I know. None of this does. That’s why we are here.”

Jonas pulled back. He was angry. Isak was the only one around for him to be angry to, Isak knew it, but it still felt bad. Did Jonas think Isak had brought this on him?

“I told you to stay," Isak reminded him quietly.

“As if that was an option! Fuck!”

Jonas looked away, biting his lip. Isak didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He wanted to hug Jonas and make all the bad things go away, but at the same time he knew he couldn’t, and that Jonas wouldn’t let him.

“You can walk away now," Isak said. He wiped his eyes. “Just point me in the right direction and let me be the one who brings all this shit down. You can step back. I would understand.”

“Do you really believe that? That I can walk away now?”

Isak shrugged. He didn’t know. He knew he didn’t have a choice himself. This had to be done, if they wanted to live.

“I would do it for you," Isak finally said. “Everyone is hunting us, Jonas. To kill. We won’t survive long on our own, not with everyone after us.”

“Issy --” Jonas shook his head. He knew Isak was right. He wanted to be able to argue with him, but he couldn’t. “Fuck it.”

Isak nodded. He agreed. Fuck it. Whatever it was, fuck it, very much.

“What do you want to do?”

It took forever for Jonas to answer. During that eternity Isak went through every possible emotion from fear to anger to hope to fear again.

“I’ll see this through. With you. If you let me.”

“Let you? I need you!”

Jonas took Isak’s hand again.

“I’m here. I promise.”

Isak stepped closer. He leaned his forehead against Jonas’ forehead and closed his eyes. He just stood there, listening to Jonas breathing. If he could just stay here forever. He couldn’t. They had a mission.

“Let’s go.”

 

The house was small, and in the middle of nowhere. It had a radio mast beside it. Two stories tall, with a metal staircase on the outside, and an array of solar panels on the roof. There was a jeep parked behind the building, next to something that looked like a well. Isak crawled back behind the rock where Jonas was waiting for him.

“Is he still on air?” Isak whispered. Jonas nodded. They had waited for Doctor Death Defying to start his night broadcast, where he told the sand kids the news of the day and played them the Last Song, one that filled their hearts with hope, the same one every night.

“When he puts the Last Song on, we’ll go, okay?”

Jonas nodded. He was ready. Sort of. They had talked about this all evening, about how uncomfortable Jonas was with the idea of going to meet God, guns in hands. But, Isak reminded him, that was what Doctor Death Defying always told them to do. Keep their boots tight and their guns close. That was exactly what they were going to do now. It didn’t help  much, but it made it possible for Jonas to calm down enough to be able to operate.

They waited. The shadows took over the sand, the first stars started to burn on the darkening sky. Finally the familiar tunes started playing and Isak nudged Jonas on the move. The weight of the gun in his hand was equally alarming as it was soothing, and his heart was beating like crazy. They ran to the stairs and started climbing up them as quietly as they could.

Isak’s mouth was parched again. They were wearing their scarves to mask their identity and their sheer horror. This had to work. This was their only chance, and the worst part was that if this worked, then the real struggle would just begin. Isak reached the top of the stairs and tried the door. It wasn’t locked. He opened it, into a dimly lit hallway. There was light at the end of it, oozing through a cracked door. Isak stopped to listen. They heard someone move in the lit room, but couldn’t make out what was going on in there. Isak was playing the Last Song in his head, and he knew they had to hurry.

Isak looked at Jonas and bit his tongue. Shit. Jonas was a wreck. His hands were shaking, his eyes wild, he looked like he would crumble any second. That was a liability. Isak turned to face Jonas and pressed his lips against his ear.

“Guard the door. Come when I call. Okay?”

Jonas nodded. He looked relieved and ashamed, but more relieved. Isak gave him a quick kiss through the scarves and started to sneak towards the door. He kept his gun ready, he kept breathing as evenly as he could. He reached the door during the final chorus of the song. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open, aiming his gun at the same time.

There was a man in the room, sitting on a chair by radio equipment, his back to the door. He was tall. He had the longest neck Isak had seen. And arms, and his legs were folded kind of awkwardly so they fit under the desk. This was it, Isak thought, and had to support his gun with his both hands to keep his aim. He was pointing his gun at God. He listened to the last chords play in his head and yes, at exactly the right moment, the man flicked a switch and the equipment was turned off.

“Keep your hands where I can see them," Isak said, the echo of his own voice startling himself a bit. The man was more startled, he jumped up on his feet but kept his hands up and visible. The man turned around, slowly, and Isak’s heart did a somersault. He had expected someone older, someone paternal, someone who looked like a man who had a thousand children all over the desert. He had not expected this.

The man looked at the gun with his big, blue eyes. His full lips parted, his cheekbones sharp, his hair all over the place and his expression so genuinely confused. He looked almost fragile, and at the same time so strong. He was really tall, standing there, slightly hunched, tall and narrow. He was older than Isak was, but he wasn’t -- he didn’t look like a proper adult. In his twenties, maybe. He looked nothing like the image of him Isak had built in his head listening to his voice. But wasn’t that always the case with deities?

“Uh," the man said slowly. “How can I help you?”

Isak knew the answer, but he had to ask. He had recognised the man's’ voice already, but he had to be absolutely sure.

“Are you Doctor Death Defying?”

The man nodded slowly. He looked scared, like one would expect someone to look when held at gunpoint, but he also looked oddly relieved. Like he was happy to be finally caught. Isak squeezed his gun tighter.

“What’s your real name?”

The man tilted his head, raising his eyebrow.

“My what?”

Isak pulled his scarf down. The man’s other brow raised as well.

“I’m Isak. What’s your name?”

The man considered. Isak waved his gun at him. Just to remind him that Isak was in charge here right now.

“Even.”

“Please sit down, Even.”

While the man sat down Isak called for Jonas. Jonas ran to them and in through the door, and there he froze. He was holding his gun, but it just kind of hung there, pointing at the floor, useless.

“Is this -- Is he --?”

“Yes," Isak said and nodded. “He’s Doctor Death Defying. You found him.”

Jonas looked around. He looked at the equipment and shook his head.

“He can’t be. We’re mistaken.” Jonas sounded like he was about to burst into tears. He was really upset.

“That’s possible," Even said calmly, his hands resting on the arms of the chair. “But I’m still the same man.”

Jonas recognised the voice. Isak could tell. Jonas covered his mouth with his hand and looked at Isak.

“How dare you aim your gun at  _ him _ like that?”

Isak sighed.

“To keep us alive, Jonas. Can you handle this?”

Isak knew the answer while he was asking the question. Jonas was not handling this at all. Not one bit. Isak had to keep his eyes on Even, he might have had a gun hidden under the desk or in his clothes or anywhere, but he nodded at Jonas.

“Go check the other rooms, okay? I’m starving.”

Jonas was grateful to be excused. He practically ran out the door. Isak kept looking at the man he was holding his prisoner. His heart was beating so loud in his ears it was almost hard to think.

“You lied to us," Isak said. His voice was shaking too. Jonas had been so upset that it was contagious. “You’re not on the run.”

Even nodded.

“I’m not.”

Isak didn’t want to think what it would mean. But he had to. He had to connect the dots and look at the picture that was forming in front of his eyes. He was really happy that Jonas wasn’t here right now.

“We could track you. We found you, and it wasn’t even that hard. All we had to do was start looking.” Isak licked his lips. His hands were shaking again, and his arms and shoulders were getting tired of holding the gun. “They’re not looking, are they?”

Even shook his head. He let Isak finish his thought at his own pace.

“They’re not looking, because they know where you are.”

Even nodded. He looked kind of impressed, really. Isak couldn’t help it, part of him was proud that Even was impressed. It didn’t help much, but some. Because Isak was now feeling pretty much like he had been feeling when he had heard his mother speak to William on his radio.

“Please," Isak said, his voice faint and weak. “Please tell me you’re not working for them.”

Even pressed his fingertips slowly together and pressed his chin down a bit.

“I am used to lying," he said. Isak felt sick to his stomach. He needed Jonas. But Jonas couldn’t be here, not for this, and Isak knew painfully well that in one of the other rooms Jonas was needing him just as much.

“How fucking dare you?” Isak was so angry. He wanted to shoot this man right then and there. But the City Council knew about him. He probably had to check in every now and then, and. If Jet Star and Kobra Kid appeared on the radio instead of him, they couldn’t explain themselves out of it. They’d be godkillers.

Even remained calm. At least on the outside. He looked at Isak with his blue eyes and Isak’s insides were in a turmoil.

“You tell me," Even said in his turn. “What is Doctor Death Defying? In one word. What is he to you sand kids?”

Isak blinked, confused. But he thought for a moment. One word, one single word, what was that voice on the radio to them?

“Hope," Isak finally said. “He’s hope.”

“Hope of what?”

Isak shrugged. He wiped his eyes.

“Just hope. It’s a hard life, you know.”

“Harder than you think, Isak.”

Hearing Even say his name made Isak’s heart do another somersault. God was speaking to him, directly. It felt like being named again, like being seen. But the gun weighed his hands down, the strain on his shoulders reminded him of why he was here. He fixed his posture.

“So?”

“You asked me how I fucking dare. That’s how. I give you hope. It’s not much, but it’s everything, isn’t it?”

Isak started tearing up again. He was fighting the urge to just rush to either this man or to Jonas and curl up in their lap to cry his heart out. He wasn’t strong enough for the role he had been cast in. But there was no understudy.

“I don’t understand," Isak said, quietly. Why did the City Council want to give them hope? That made no sense at all. Even looked at him, calm, collected, and still oddly relieved. Like he had been waiting for an opportunity to confess and was now grateful that one had presented itself like this.

“What else do I give you than hope?”

Isak didn’t like it that this interrogation was starting to go backwards. He was the one who was supposed to be asking the questions, right? He was in this end of the gun, wasn’t he, the question asking end? Even raised his eyebrow. Isak waved his gun, frustrated.

“I don’t know! Spirit? A sense of belonging? Someone out there is watching over us, you’re our God.” Isak’s voice cracked in the end of his answer. He sniffled, too. This was just so much, and he was so alone, and he was so worried about Jonas and so scared of this man in a way he didn’t understand.

“You ride to war with me. Not to rob a store, or a fuel station, you’re riding to war.”

Isak nodded. Even was right, it felt like that. Like being a part of something bigger. It felt like justice. They were robbing stores and it felt like they had the right to.

“And that, dear Isak, is why I’m here.”

“Stop toying with me! Tell me everything, now!” Isak tried to keep himself calm and assertive and worthy of a man holding someone at gunpoint, but he couldn’t. He was getting upset. He had thought he was ready for this, but he wasn’t, not one bit.

“That gun must be really heavy. Why won’t you tie me up or something so you can get rid of it?”

Even was right. It was getting heavy, and Isak’s hands were getting shaky, and he was increasingly scared he might actually shoot God. Jonas would never forgive him for that.

“Jonas!” Isak called. “Bring rope!”

He hoped Jonas heard him. And that Jonas would bring the rope. They waited, listening to Jonas and his steps, and yes, they were coming to the room’s door. Jonas stepped in, sniffling a bit, and tied Even to the chair begrudgingly but with expertise. Isak could, finally, lower the gun and put it away.

“Jonas, this is Even," Isak said. It was important. So that Jonas understood that Even was a man, a person, not just an omnipresent voice. “He’s been lying to us all along.”

Jonas punched Even. Just like that, before any of the had time to expect it, Jonas had hit Even in the mouth with his fist. Even’s lip split, he spit a bit of blood on the floor, he wiggled his teeth with his tongue. Jonas was shaking. He was falling apart in front of Isak’s eyes. So Isak grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room.

“Jonas!” Isak hissed. “What the hell was that supposed to be about?”

Jonas rubbed his knuckles. He didn’t look up from the floor. He just shrugged.

“I really needed to do that.”

“Well, it’s good you weren’t holding a gun right then.”

Jonas didn’t smile. One bit. Isak licked his lips quickly.

“Jonas, I can’t do this alone. I need you.”

“Well, in that case, you’re screwed. I can’t help you.”

Isak looked at Jonas. His shaking shoulders. His bowed head. The tear running down his cheek. His whole world was falling apart around him and he just wasn’t strong enough for that. Isak could relate to that, oh yes he could.

“He seems like a good man," Isak tried.

“He’s a fucking liar!” Jonas slammed his fist against the wall. It made Isak jump. And that made him feel like shit. He didn’t want to be scared of Jonas, not even startled. So he placed his hand on Jonas’ shoulder.

“I know. But there’s something about him. It’s like. He’s on our side? Or he wants to be? I don’t think he’s a threat to us, to be honest.”

“He’s been telling everyone lies about us.”

“Lies Monster Ride has told him, I guess?”

Jonas laughed. Hollow and blunt.

“You guess. Give me a fucking break.”

Isak looked at Jonas for a moment. He was so angry. He was upset and distraught but most of him was angry.

“What is it, Jonas? Beside the obvious?”

Jonas glared at him. That was when Isak realized it. Jonas was angry at him. Not at Even, at him. It didn’t seem fair.

“I trusted you, Issy.”

Isak nodded. Slowly. He wanted to ask Jonas to go on, but decided it was better to just wait for him to do just that.

“I can’t be near you right now. I’m taking the first room, the second is the kitchen and the third a bedroom. Don’t come knocking tonight.”

Isak stared after him. Jonas slammed the door shut. Isak turned around to look at the room where Even was sitting, tied up -- hopefully. He tried to grab his gun but he had left that on a table in the room. With Even. He looked over his shoulder at the door Jonas had just closed, but he knew he was on his own. He walked to the door of the radio room, slowly. He opened it.

Even was right where he had left him. As was the gun, on the table, heavy and cold. Isak walked to it and shoved it under his waistband behind his back.

“Tomorrow you will tell everyone that Jet Star and Kobra Kid are dusted. We can’t do this if they’re after us. We need to come up with a plan, and we can’t do that if everyone’s on our trail.”

“That’s a bad idea," Even said. “The City Council will know something’s up when none of the tribe leaders know who did it.”

“That will still give us a day or two, won’t it?”

“If you’re lucky. And then they’ll come after me.”

Isak nodded slowly.

“Come with us, then. You said you wanted to help the sand kids? Then help them. Help us.”

“You’re talking about a revolution, Isak.”

Isak smiled, faintly.

“So are you. Every day.”

Even smiled too, just as barely.

“I suppose I am.”

“You can sleep on it. But I’m sleeping with you so you don’t try anything stupid.”

“That’s an oxymoron if I ever met one.”

Isak frowned.

“Are you calling me a moron?”

“No," Even said. “I’m calling myself a fool.”


	8. Party Poison

_ain't a DJ gonna save my soul?_ __  
_I sold it long ago for rock 'n roll_ __  
_drop the needle when the tape deck blows_ __  
_I gotta shout this out so everybody knows_ __  
_this ain't a party_ __  
_get off the dance floor_ __  
_you want the get down_   
_here comes the gang war_ __

Isak pressed his gun against Even’s back. It felt wrong, but it was necessary. He couldn’t trust Even, no matter how much he wanted to. Now that Jonas was mad at him, he was desperate for someone he could lean on. Someone who knew what was going on, someone for Isak to follow. He didn’t want to be in charge, and here he now was, on the business end of the gun. Shit.

They walked to the bedroom. Isak had the rope with him, hanging over his shoulder. He would need to tie Even into the bed. His skin was tingling all over, like it was bombarded by a dust storm. It felt so good to be actually indoors, inside a house instead of a tent or a cave or a nest of blankets under a desk. Isak bit his lip when he remembered that. It had been last night, and yet it felt like it had been ages ago. The whole world had been dismantled and rebuilt in that time.

And he couldn’t ignore that during that same time he had met Even. Isak didn’t know what to do with him. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to build a nest of blankets and disappear in there with this man, forever, but that was not on the list of possibilities for him. He had a revolution to start and run.

The bedroom was small. But it had an actual bed. Not just a mattress on the floor, or blankets on the sand, it had a frame and all. Isak stared at it greedily. He thought about Jonas on the floor in the first room, alone and. _Don’t come knocking._

“Would you like to undress for the night?” Isak asked. Even nodded.

“I would. I usually do.”

“Go ahead, then.” Isak didn’t mind it at all. Seeing Even undress. He stared at the man from behind, shamelessly, at his smooth skin and his never ending limbs, his narrow hips. Even left his underwear on, but something made Isak think that this was an exception. He took a deep breath through his nose.

“I have a shower," Even said. Isak stared at him. A shower. Was that an invitation or..what? “You two look like you could use one. If you keep it short you can both get clean water, too.”

That sounded so good. So wonderful. Isak licked his lips quickly.

“I’m still going to tie you on the bed, you know.”

“Yes, of course. I’m not unreasonable, and neither are you.”

“Get on with it, then.”

Isak watched Even spread himself out on the bed. He turned on his side and positioned his wrists and ankles so Isak could tie them on the bed’s frame. He tied the knots tight and wrapped the ends of the rope around the bed’s legs all the way down to the floor. Even couldn’t reach them to pull his restraints loose.

“Where’s the shower?”

“The first door when you come in.”

Jonas was in the bathroom. Shit. Jonas had known it was the bathroom when he had locked himself in there. He didn’t want Isak to take a shower. Very well.

“I’ll pass," Isak said. “I’m tired.” He was. He was so tired, waving a gun around at people was hard work for him. Isak pulled his scarf, shirt and pants off and blushed at the rattle of the sand on the floor. He was filthy. But there was nothing he could do about it. Isak pushed his fingers into his hair and shook most of the sand out before he crawled into bed behind Even’s back.

“I’m sorry I don’t have more blankets," Even said. Isak conveniently forgot the four blankets in his bag, and just pulled Even’s blanket over both of them instead.

“I think we’ll manage," Isak whispered, as he pressed his chest against Even’s back. All that skin, Isak thought, it was so much. It was too much. Isak buried his nose in Even’s hair, on the back of his neck, and breathed in deep. He didn’t smell like Jonas, like a boy. He smelled like a man.

“Good night, Isak," Even said. Isak wrapped his arm around him.

“Good night, Even.”

In the middle of the night someone moved on the bed and woke Isak up. He opened his eyes and turned over to look.

“Just me," Jonas whispered. He crawled in the bed and turned his back on Isak. He had brought his own blanket with him. Isak didn’t know what he should do, but when Jonas hitched himself closer until their backs touched Isak just closed his eyes. It wasn’t exactly making up, it wasn’t exactly all it could have been, but it was okay.

 

When Isak woke up the next morning, Jonas was gone. The darkness had left the desert, and the crows had flown into their nests, and Jonas was brave enough to be moping again. Isak stopped mid-yawn when Even moved against him. He was awake.

“I don’t need to be a bother, but I really need the bathroom," Even said. Isak yawned again, this time all the way through. He didn’t want to pull back, away from the warm skin, but he had to, before Even wet the bed.

“Mmh. Yes. A moment.”

Isak crawled out of bed. He listened, but couldn’t hear Jonas anywhere. Maybe he had gone outside. Probably had, Jonas loved the desert. The sun and the wind and the sand. He had lived there long enough to learn to love it. Isak preferred this house. He was still so soft.

Isak released Even of his ties. He kept aiming at the man with his gun, but lazily, indifferent. He was pretty sure Even wouldn’t try anything stupid.

“I still need that shower," Isak said. He licked his lips quickly. “I’m not letting you out of my sight. You’re coming with me to the bathroom.”

“Of course," Even said, squirming. “Can we go now?”

Isak took Even to the bathroom. He brought the rope with him. He was drowsy and lazy but not stupid. Isak let Even do his business and then tied him up, his arms and legs together, on the floor. Isak put the gun on the top of a cabinet. Even would have to untie his ropes completely if he wanted to reach it, and Isak had enough time to stop him from doing that if need be.

Isak blushed a bit as he was undressing. He wanted to clean himself up thoroughly, so he would have to shower naked. He stepped out of his underwear and tried to act casual as he stepped into the shower. Even was looking, he could tell. Isak remembered he had to keep an eye on the man at all times, there was a gun in the room. So as the water, the wonderful, clean water, ran all over his body he turned around and faced Even.

He was right. Even was looking at him. And he looked hungry.

How long had he been cooped up in here, all alone?

Isak licked his lips slowly. He ran his hands along his body, washing away the dust and sand. He took his time. He let Even look, and when he noticed the man was breathing heavier he started to get hard. It felt so nice, being the center of Even’s attention. After all, Even was God. Somehow Isak kind of understood the girls and boys rivaling for William’s attention now.

What would happen if Jonas walked in the room right now?

What wouldn’t happen?

Isak wanted Jonas to walk in. So he’d find out. There was so much Isak needed to find out now. About Even, about the City Council, about the sand kids.

About himself.

He took his time to take this shower. He let Even look at him. All over, front and back, he was bending over and arching his back to reach every part of his body. All the while he kept an eye on Even and his reactions, and it was obvious Even was hard as well. Isak really wanted to go to him and touch him. To kiss him, to untie and undress him. He wanted it so bad it filled his head up completely, leaving no room for any other thoughts.

Isak closed his eyes.

He was wasting water. Isak turned off the shower and just stood there, dripping water, looking at Even. He needed to kiss that man. He had to find out if it felt different. So he walked to Even, bent down and grabbed the ropes to pull Even up. When they had gotten him sitting up Isak got on his knees by him and stroked at his cheek with his wet fingertips. Even looked at his lips. He looked at Even’s.

There was a thud in the kitchen.

Even jumped. Isak didn’t care one bit. He was busy now. He took advantage of Even’s state of confusion and his parted lips, he pressed his mouth on Even’s and kissed him.

It was different. Kissing Jonas felt really good, it felt soft and warm and tender and caring. Kissing Even -- it was a different kind of kiss. It didn’t calm Isak down one bit. It made his skin crawl and his blood boil, it made his brain shut down completely. Even let Isak kiss him, he moved his lips against Isak’s, but he was clearly receiving the kiss instead of taking part in it. That wouldn’t do.

“Kiss me”; Isak whispered against Even’s hot, full, perfect lips. “Please.”

Even did. He kissed Isak, and Isak kissed him back, and his heart was on fire. He had figured it out now. He did love Jonas. But not like this.

Not like this at all.

Isak wasn’t sure how it had happened but he had crawled his way on Even’s lap. His legs wrapped around Even’s waist, his chest pressed tightly against Even’s, his lips still locked in that heated kiss. Isak had wanted to do this since he had first heard Even’s voice. He didn’t have a name for that feeling then but now he did. It was need.

There was a louder thud in the kitchen.

“Your friend seems pissed," Even mumbled. Isak sighed.

“For a change.” Isak leaned his forehead on Even’s, for a moment. Fine. Jonas deserved to know anyhow. “Fine.”

Isak got up and dressed first. Then he helped Even up. Even was hard, and it was obvious. Isak took the gun and shoved it in his pants again.

“You wait here, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Isak helped Even sit down. He left the bathroom and opened the next door. Jonas was in the kitchen, raiding the pantry. He slammed a can on the counter as Isak walked in.

“Find anything?”

Jonas stopped searching. He turned to look at Isak, and Isak saw that he knew. Jonas had known before Isak had, it was obvious now. Isak didn’t know what to tell him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I bet.”

“I do love you.”

“Sure you do.”

“But not like that.”

“I know.”

“I kissed him.”

“Not surprised.”

“I loved it.”

“Of course you did.”

“Do you hate me now?”

“I’m really fucking trying to.”

“How’s that going?”

“Straight to hell.”

“Aren’t we all?”

They were silent for a moment. Isak looked at Jonas. Jonas didn’t look at him.

“Will you still call me Issy?”

Jonas grimaced. But his face settled down soon enough. He sighed, hanging his head.

“Would you like me to?”

“Yes. I need you, Jonas. I really need you.”

“Won’t he take care of you now?”

Isak shrugged.

“Perhaps. I don’t know. We still don’t know if we can trust him at all.”

“But you know how he tastes like.”

That was uncalled for. But Isak had deserved it.

“He tastes amazing.”

“So do you, you know?”

Isak bit his lip. This was terrible. This was so unfair. All he wanted was to give himself to Jonas, but he couldn’t anymore. He didn’t have himself to give. He belonged to Even. Isak blinked to get rid of the tears building up in his eyes.

“I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

Jonas shrugged. He finally looked at Isak. He looked so hurt.

“That’s what we’re set out to do, right?”

Isak took Jonas’ hand. Jonas let him.

“I need to know you’re up for it. It will only get worse from here, and with this -- betrayal?” Isak had no other word for it. He had betrayed Jonas.

“I’ll get over it.”

“Are you sure?”

Jonas laughed. He shook his head.

“Hell no. But I’ll have to, won’t I?” Jonas sighed. Long and deep. “But there’s one thing I. I’d like to ask. I don’t want to sleep alone.”

Isak nodded slowly. Jonas wasn’t asking for much. Was it still too much? How much did Isak owe him?

“Okay. You can sleep with me.”

“Won’t he be jealous?”

“If he can’t understand what you mean to me --” Isak didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Because he knew, that if Even didn’t understand it, if Even made him choose, he would choose Even. It didn’t make sense, it was incredibly stupid, but he would. And he knew Jonas knew it.

Jonas pulled Isak into a tight hug.

“It’s okay, Issy. I’m right here.”

Isak leaned against his amazing boy made of sand and sunshine and wind, and he knew Jonas meant what he said. He was right here. That made it easier for Isak to breathe. He let go of Jonas, slowly.

“Thank you. I really need you. Both of you. This is too big for me to take on alone.”

Jonas tried to pull up a smile. It kind of worked.

“I’m so scared, Issy.”

“I know. Me too.”

Jonas looked at the wall between them and Even.

“Is he scared too?”

“Not of me, at least. That’s a start, I guess?”

“We need to get working. Time is not on our side, or our friend.”

Isak nodded. Jonas was right. It was time for Doctor Death Defying to go on air.

“Go take a shower. The water’s clean.”

“I just might.”

Isak left Jonas to sort out the pantry and went to the bathroom door. He took a deep breath before he opened it. Even was right where he had left him. He looked sorry.

“You heard," Isak said.

“Every word. You weren’t exactly whispering.”

Isak blushed. Even had heard him. What he thought about him. But he wasn’t ashamed, not really. He was willing to stand up to his words. He now knew what being in love felt like. The world around him was about to go down in flames, but he was in love.

“The time of whispers is in the past now. You have a message to send.”

Isak untied Even. He had a gun. He wasn’t scared. And now that Jonas knew how Isak felt he didn’t have to put up a show for him anymore, either. They went to the broadcast room. Isak watched Even turn his gear on. He heard Jonas go in the shower. A part of him thought he should have just joined him.

Then Even started to speak. Doctor Death Defying was on air, and nothing else fit inside Isak’s mind anymore. He listened to the Voice tell him, and everyone else, that Jet Star and Kobra Kid had got themselves ghosted out.

_And remember, even if you’re dusted, you may be gone -- but out here in the desert, your shadow lives on without you. This is Doctor Death Defying, signing off._

Even ended the broadcast. Isak licked his lips, slowly. He wasn’t afraid to die. His shadow would live on. Isak couldn’t take his eyes off of Even’s lips. But he had more important matters to take care of now, while Jonas was still in the bathroom.

“Now," Isak said, as calmly as he possibly could, “you’ll tell me everything.”

It was a long story. It was a horrible one. It made Isak sick to his stomach more than once, and he could only take it because it was told by the voice he had learned to love and trust and look up to. But Isak had been right, Even was a good man. He was simply one who had been given only bad choices to make. His broadcasts gave the sand kids hope, at least, and some joy, and purpose. His influence was so strong it had forged their way of saying hello and goodbye. Because of him they weren’t afraid to die.

The thing was, they didn’t have to die.

They were at war, but not with people they thought they were. Every time their leaders sent them out to strike, they were used as soldiers against the rivaling cities. Or people the City Council wanted out of the way and couldn’t do it themselves. The sand kids weren’t free rebels living by their own law. They were child soldiers.

They were used.

Isak was kind of happy Jonas wasn’t here to hear this. But that meant that Isak was alone himself, and he couldn’t, so he sat down on the floor by the chair and just hugged Even’s legs. He needed something to hold on to.

Isak told Even what he had heard in William’s tent. He left out the bit of the woman being his mother, and Even confirmed his theory. The leaders were in on it. Taking orders. Sending kids to their deaths, and all the while making the kids proud to die for them. It was horrible. It was too much.

It was the truth.

How, Isak thought, how the hell would he tell Jonas about all this? How the hell he could? But Jonas needed to know. They all needed to know.

“This has to stop," Isak whispered. Even hummed, agreeing.

“But how?”

“We will make it stop.” There was a new certainty in Isak’s voice. They would stop this from happening. They would. There was no other option. In one way or another, this would end soon. “And you are included in that ‘we’, Even.”

Isak looked up at the man. His heart was beating so loud and hard. It had been there since the first time Isak had heard his voice on the radio. It pulled Isak in like gravity.

There was a faint smile on Even’s lips.

“I suppose I am.”

Isak walked to him. He pulled the gun out from behind his back and placed it on desk next to Even. Then he bowed down to kiss him. He kept his eyes closed for the whole duration of that kiss, and when it finally, after a small eternity, withered away and Isak looked, the gun was still where he had left it.

“Can I trust you?” Isak asked. He looked Even in the eye.

“To be honest, I’m not sure. I’m not. I’m not as noble as I like to tell myself I am.”

“Well, then," Isak said. “It’s about time to live up to your reputation.”

“Where should I start?” Even’s hand landed on Isak’s hip. His thumb stroked over Isak’s hip bone. It made Isak’s knees feel weak and his stomach feel heavy. He wanted to throw himself into this man and forget about everything else.

He couldn’t. He yanked himself free from the power of that hold.

“Start loading your jeep. Jonas will help you to build a mobile broadcast unit. An actual one. We can’t stay here.”

Isak went to the bathroom. Jonas was done with his shower, but he was still naked. Isak turned his eyes away from him. He couldn’t handle naked beautiful bodies around him right now.

“I’m sorry.”

“About what?” Jonas asked. Isak didn’t hear him get dressed. The air was moist and warm, but still it was hard to breathe.

“About what I’m going to tell you. Please, get dressed?”

“If it’s about you and Doctor Death Defying, I already know.”

“I --” Isak was going to tell Jonas that no, it wasn’t about that, but. He couldn’t break his heart twice in the same morning, could he? It wasn’t fair. “I really am sorry.”

“Yeah," Jonas sighed, “I know. But what can you do?”

“Well, you could start by helping Even build a mobile broadcast studio on his jeep. You know how to build one, right?”

Jonas grinned. He was proud of himself, and he clearly welcomed that feeling.

“I sure do. I’ll just get dressed and then get to work. You go eat something.”

“You know, that sounds really good. Thank you.”

Isak left Jonas get dressed and went to the kitchen. He really was starving. When he got to the kitchen Even was already there. He was opening a can, and Isak’s mouth was watering. Actual food. Energy gels worked but were really, really unsatisfactory.

“It’s rude to listen in to private conversations," Isak said quietly. He didn’t know how well Jonas could hear him through the wall.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Even asked, his voice equally low. Isak sighed.

“I just couldn’t. It will break his heart completely.”

It was a heavy secret for Isak to carry, but the pain in Jonas’ chest weighed more. Fair’s fair, right? Even seemed to agree with him, at least he didn’t bring the subject up anymore. He just finished opening the can, stuck a spoon in it and handed it over to Isak.

“Breakfast is done.”

Isak yanked the can from Even and started shoveling its contents into his mouth. It looked and smelled and tasted like generic foodlike mush. It was the best thing Isak had ever eaten. After all this time on energy gels any solid food was a rare treat.

Jonas appeared in the kitchen. Isak handed his can over to him, out of instinct, he had eaten exactly half of it himself and saved the rest for Jonas. Jonas took it and wolfed it down, probably without even tasting it. They shared a bottle of water after their meal, splitting it in half as well.

Isak saw how Even was watching Jonas. His every move, carefully and close. Taking mental notes, Isak was sure. If he had asked Isak, there was no competition there. Jonas was Jonas, half of Isak, but it was different. He had known Even for less than a day and yet he knew already that Even was very, very different.

“You two should start packing up the equipment," Isak said. Someone had to be the leader here, it seemed, and since Isak was useless with the actual work he might as well take charge of it. Jonas and Even seemed to be satisfied with his leadership. At least they got to work immediately.

Isak listened to Even and Jonas chat about the radios and transmitters and signals and smiled a bit to himself. Creating a revolution was hard enough in itself, and relationship drama added the difficulty by tenfold. Isak needed them both, Jonas and Even, and he needed them to get along.

Thinking about Even made Isak’s smile grow a bit wider. It felt bubbly. Like he had difficulties to contain it. He wanted to go on air and tell everyone at once that he was falling for Even so, so hard. The life of a sand kid was short and intense, he didn’t have time to fall in love slowly. Dead on, head first, that was their way. The only way. Even’s voice traveling to the kitchen from the radio room sent shivers down Isak’s spine. Warm shivers, not cold. He couldn’t wait to see Even again.

Then Isak saw him. Just passing the doorway, carrying a crate full of electronics. He flashed Isak a smile as he went by, first there, then gone, and Isak’s knees gave in a bit. Shit. This was bad. This was it. He was done for, gone for Even, just like that. And with the warmth nesting in his heart followed a cold shadow. Yesterday Isak had been ready to die. For Jonas, for his mission, for it being his time. But now, it was different. When Isak thought about dying, all he could think about was all the things he didn’t have time to do with Even.

There wasn’t enough time left in the universe for Isak to have done enough with Even. But it was too late now. He knew too much to be able to ignore it all. He had picked his poison, and now all he could do was hope he would survive it.


	9. Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

_ you’re the broken glass in the morning light _ __  
_ be a burning star if it takes all night _ _  
_ _ so just save yourself and I’ll hold them back tonight_

 

It took longer than they had expected to load up all the necessary gear. It was getting dark again when Jonas and Even were done, and Jonas absolutely refused to drive or ride anywhere this late. To be honest, Isak didn’t mind the possibility to sleep in a bed for two nights in a row.

Sharing the bed was more problematic, really. Isak had promised Jonas he didn’t need to sleep alone. But Isak really, really, really wanted to be intimate with Even. Very intimate. And he didn’t want to share Even with Jonas. He wasn’t sure if Jonas wanted to share him with Even, either. They hadn’t talked about it, because they hadn’t had time to, but now, when all they had to do was wait for dawn, might have been the time for that talk.

Isak dragged Jonas with him to the kitchen. He crossed his arms, leaning on the edge of the table, and bit his lip for a moment. Jonas let him think.

“How do you feel about me?” Isak finally asked. Jonas rubbed his neck and sighed.

“I don’t know. I really like you? I think you’re hot? I hate it how you just ditched me for him?”

“Do you love me?” That was a crucial question, really. Isak had no idea if Even loved him back, but from Jonas he could ask directly.

“I left home for you.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I don’t know, Issy. To me love is doing. Actions. I love you so I left with you. I love you so I’m letting that man touch you because you want it so much.”

Isak nodded. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Jonas loved him with his actions. Would that ever be enough for him?

“Magnus told me you’re not -- he told me that you’re with more than one people at a time.”

“Yeah, I am. It’s different with every one of you, and I love you all.”

It hit Isak, just then. Why Jonas was so jealous of him. He had been so stupid, so blind and so, so full of himself.

“You miss them, don’t you?”

Jonas turned his face away. Isak saw he was holding back tears. Jonas missed them. He loved them, and he had left them maybe for good. For Isak.

That made Isak feel like a real dick.

“Can I help you in any way?”

Jonas shrugged.

“Don’t forget me? You can have him. But. Don’t forget me completely.”

That wasn’t too much to ask for, wasn’t it? Isak tried to smile a little.

“I’ll never forget you, Jonas. And I’m not letting you forget me. Ever.”

Outside, the sun set. The room got dark. Isak could see the crows taking off at the mountains and flying to their nightly watch over the desert. He took Jonas by the hand.

“I promise.”

Jonas smiled a bit. His thumb stroked at the back of Isak’s hand.

“You want to fool around with him tonight, don’t you?”

Isak blushed. He really wanted to. But he had already promised Jonas that he didn’t have to sleep alone.

“It’s cool by me. Just don’t kick me off the bed.”

“What?” Isak meeped. Jonas said it was okay for him to..fool around..with him in the bed as well?

“We live in tents of four or six people, Issy.”

Now that Jonas had said it, it made sense. Of course he was used to sharing situations like that, fooling around and such. Still it made Isak blush intensely. He really, really didn’t know how he could keep his hands off Even, and Jonas said it was okay if he didn’t, but still.

“Won’t you be jealous? If we. Uh. Fool around, the whole universe will disappear from me. I’ll see only him.”

“It’s cool, Issy. I’m beat anyway, I just want to sleep. So please don’t kick me or be too loud, okay?”

“Uh. Okay.”

This had gone better than Isak had expected. And worse. But mostly better. Still, as he stood in the bedroom by the bed and was almost shy to undress he couldn’t help feeling a bit uncomfortable. He looked at Even. He looked at Jonas. They both were just standing there, waiting for his instructions.

“So, uh. Jonas is going to sleep in the bed with us. I hope that’s okay?”

Even raised his brow.

“So, you’re saying he’s going to join us?”

“Yes," Isak said. Then he understood what Even had meant. “What! No! No, not at all. He’s just going to sleep there and. Or. Is that. Is that something you’d want?”

Even looked at him. He looked at Jonas. Then at him again.

“No.” Even looked at Jonas, half grinning. “Sorry, dude. No offence.”

“None taken. You two have fun. But keep it down, okay?”

“We will," Even said, with a grin. When he looked at Isak again Isak’s stomach made a somersault. His gaze was so intense and so sparkly at the same time. Isak smiled at him. The universe was shrinking, fast.

Jonas got undressed and slipped into the bed under his blanket. He laid down on the very edge, his back turned to the bed, and closed his eyes. Isak undressed as well. Slowly. He was watching Even do the same, and he couldn’t get enough of the man’s creamy skin and his long limbs, his narrow hips. Isak wanted to fool around with him, so bad.

“Kiss me," Isak whispered. Even hesitated. Why did he hesitate?

“Don’t you think I’m a bit old for you?”

Isak shook his head. He did not.

“I love you," Isak said. He knew Jonas was listening, intently. He didnt’ care. He was focused on Even, his face, he didn’t look surprised. Or, most importantly, scared.

“It doesn’t make sense, does it? We’ve barely met.”

Isak nodded. He agreed. It didn’t make sense, but it was still true.

“I know. I can’t explain it, I just. I just know it. I love you.”

Even raised his hand on Isak’s cheek. Isak pressed his face against it.

“For a while now I’ve been feeling this. Lack. Of faith. I’ve kept telling myself that what I’m doing is for the best, or at least for the good, but I’ve not believed in it. Or anything, really, and. Isak, I believe in you.”

Isak blinked, confused. What did Even mean with that?

“In me?”

“Yes. You have this. I don’t know what to call it.”

“Light," Jonas said from the bed. Even nodded.

“Yes. Light. Spirit. You will lead the revolution and I believe in it. In you.”

Isak shook his head.

“Everyone keeps telling me that. William named me a star. But I’m not anything special.”

Jonas chuckled on the bed. Even smiled, shaking his head.

“I’m being serious. I’ve been desperate for something to admire and take care of and to believe in. I’ve found you.”

Isak didn’t know how to respond. He wanted to tell Even the same things. That Even was all those things for him, and Jonas was as well, but Even was also something more.

“Just to be clear, I found you.”

Even laughed. Jonas giggled. Isak smiled.

“Now kiss me.”

Even stepped closer. And kissed him. Isak closed his eyes, leaning against Even, kissing him. A bit old for him? No way. Even was perfect for him, nothing to it. Isak pushed all his might into that kiss to really drive his point home. It seemed to work. At least Even guided him to the bed and tipped him over on it, never breaking their kiss.

Isak pushed closer against Even. He wanted to feel his skin against his own, he couldn’t get enough of it. He needed it. Even let him come close, and his big hands stroked Isak’s back gently. The universe was shrinking, fast, Isak was in a small bubble that had barely enough room for the two of them.

Then he counted the hands.

Even’s hand pushing into his hair, the other one resting on his hip. But still there was a touch, slowly stroking up along his spine. A gentle touch. It traveled all the way up between Isak’s shoulder blades and then took a turn to his side, to slide down his ribcage. It felt good. Isak chose to let it be, to let Jonas touch him, and when he felt Jonas’ lips at the back of his neck Isak sighed softly into Even’s mouth.

He was so safe there. Jonas against his back, Even against his chest, their touches stroking his body all over. His thighs, his hips, his back, his chest, his shoulders, neck, arms, face, hair. Just constant, never ending touch. Hands. Mouths. A flick of a tongue here and there. Isak tried to touch them in return but both of them took his wrist equally firmly and placed his hand away from them, and finally he settled. He let Jonas and Even touch him.

It was. Soft. Warm. Gentle. There was no heat in their touches, no urgency, they were calm and caring. Isak had been turned on at first, but when nothing else happened he eventually just rolled back into this, nesting, relaxing, drifting slowly to sleep. If this, Isak thought drowsily, just before falling asleep, wasn’t making love, then nothing was.

Isak fell asleep there, between two warm bodies pressed tightly against his. He wasn’t one bit scared of anything. Tomorrow he would start a revolution, and he was at peace with it. He had Jonas and Even with him.

Isak woke up in the dark. It took him a moment to understand why he was awake, but then Even’s hasty whispers finally got to him.

“Isak, you have to get dressed. Now!”

Jonas threw Isak’s clothes on the bed. Isak rubbed his eyes, yawning.

“What’s going on?”

“Jonas picked up a transmission. They’re coming.”

That got Isak moving. It jolted him awake, and he got dressed in record time. His shirt was on him the inside out, but it didn’t matter.

“We have to go.”

“Yes. You do. The two of you and every trace of you.”

Isak stopped mid step to stare at Even. It was still dark, but Isak could see his figure.

“Are you telling me you’re not coming with us?”

“They’re close. I’ll hold them back.”

Isak realised Even was holding a gun. His legs stopped responding. His tongue tasted like metal.

“No.”

“This is not a matter of discussion.”

“I’m not leaving your side.”

Jonas appeared at the door. He was out of breath.

“I can hear the engines.”

Isak grabbed Even’s arm. Even yanked himself free.

“I can handle them! I work for them, they don’t know anything for sure, all we know is this might be a random inspection and they’ll leave when they see everything is okay.”

Isak looked at Jonas, pleading him to help. Jonas didn’t seem too eager to.

“Jonas!”

Jonas shrugged.

“He’s right, Isak. It’s our best chance. And we have to take it. Now.”

Isak tried to cling to Even. He kept telling him  _ No _ over and over again but it didn’t help. Even struggled himself free every time and finally pushed him to Jonas, who grabbed him from behind and hard enough to keep his grip.

“For fuck’s sake, you have to leave already! Go!”

Jonas dragged Isak to the door. Isak was kicking but not screaming, he could hear the engines too. He knew he had to stay quiet. And he knew he had to go. But he was not accepting it that Even wasn’t coming too.

“Jonas I’ll never forgive you if you don’t make him come too!”

“You’ll never see the dawn if you don’t do as he says," Jonas hissed back at him. He dragged Isak out the door. “Stop acting up or they’ll spot us.”

Isak calmed down, because he had to. It was still dark, the dawn wasn’t even a strip at the eastern sky yet. The stars were out, and so were the crows. Isak couldn’t see any, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there.

Isak saw the lights. They were coming. Two vehicles and four bikes. Seeing them, seeing the enemy approach, pushed the haste into his feet as well. Jonas ran down the stairs as quietly as he could, and Isak hurried after him. They took their bikes. They ran with them, pushing them forward, as fast as they could. Funny, Isak thought bitterly, how easily you could get used to running into the night in the sinking sand, pushing your bike.

They didn’t look back until Isak heard the engines stop running. He had to look. He looked over his shoulder but he couldn’t see anything, the lights were all out. Jonas hissed at him, urging him to keep running, and Isak turned back around. He ran.

Then it hit him.

The jeep.

Even and Jonas had loaded the jeep with radio equipment that Even had no reason of moving anywhere.

They knew.

_ They knew. _

Isak stopped to stare at his shadow that suddenly appeared on the sand, surrounded by an orange glow. He tried to understand what the sounds of glass breaking meant, but his mind refused to consider anything that included Even being hurt.

His shadow grew darker. It was barely there, but still undeniably visible. Isak let his bike fall down and turned around to look. Even’s house was on fire. Flames were striking out the windows, every one of them, if Even was inside he had no chance. Nobody survived a fire like that.

Isak couldn’t move. He couldn’t hear anything. He barely registered Jonas grabbing him and shaking him, he was probably yelling at him too but Isak didn’t hear a thing. All he managed to decipher was the fire. The terrifying, purifying flame. They were far away, but Isak could feel the heat on his face. A sharp, burning glow on his right cheek.

Then on his left cheek. Then on the right one again. Around then Isak understood that it wasn’t heat, it was pain. Jonas was slapping him. Jonas, who was right in front of him, whisper-yelling at him.

“We have to go NOW!”

He was right. They had to go. Isak took the bike and turned it around so he could ride to Even’s rescue, but Jonas didn’t let him mount it. Isak punched him in the gut, but that didn’t slow him down enough. Isak lost the struggle and found himself on Jonas’ bike, in front of Jonas, who was forcing his hands on the handles under Isak’s arms.

“If you mess with me, you’ll kill us both," Jonas hissed in Isak’s ear. Then he turned the engine on and started riding. Fast. So fast that Isak had to focus on just holding on to whatever he could so he wouldn’t fall. Jonas rode without lights, he rode fast and furious, into the darkness. Isak watched their shadow grow thinner and thinner until it mixed with the black around them.

 

Isak took Jonas by the hand. He was still mad at him, so mad, so angry for just leaving Even there to fend for himself, but now he had to stand by his side. They were about to do something that was never done. A comeback. The bike had not been ready, and Isak’s bike had had all the water, and riding blindly into the night meant they couldn’t find it anymore. But Jonas had a radio. So he could find his way back to his old home. Penetrators.

Jonas was one of the oldest kids there. So it was possible, that not many people were left who’d remember him. And all Doctor Death Defying had done was told everyone to stop looking. He hadn’t told them about the false accusations. So, this was dangerous. But it was all they could do, they were exhausted and scared and alone.

“I think it’s best if you send a message first," Isak said. “They might shoot us on sight.”

Jonas agreed. He turned the radio on. Isak tried to signal to him with his eyebrows, to ask him if Jonas recognised the voice on the other end. Jonas shook his head and demanded to speak to Bullet Blade. Jonas didn’t have any other name for him, but Isak was going to find it out. He was not going to be able to keep a straight face talking to the leader of  _ Penetrators _ called Bullet Blade.

Finally Jonas made contact. Bullet Blade remembered him, and when he told Jonas that he had a hard time believing the accusations he sounded sincere. It could have been a trap. It was most likely a trap. But they had no options. Isak was starting to feel light headed, he was so thirsty. So, when Bullet Blade told them to just ride to the camp they got on the bike and went.

The Penetrator tribe’s camp was bigger than Nissen’s. The tents were better. There were more of them. All in all it seemed that William was not as good of a leader as he liked to think he was. But all the kids here were younger, too. Isak and Jonas were clearly the oldest ones, and Isak shivered when he thought about the possibility of Bullet Blade doing what Monster Ride did, asking the kids to sleep in his tent.

Everyone was looking at them, curious. But Isak didn’t see any guns. Just kids, thirteen, fourteen, the youngest ones looked like they were barely twelve. Nobody spoke to them as they walked to the leader’s tent. It looked just like every other tent in the camp, and when they reached it, Bullet Blade stepped outside.

He was clearly older, a bit older than Even was -  _ had been _ . His eyes were squinting in the sunlight and his blonde hair was cut very short. He had a nice smile, and an aura of friendliness around him. Isak liked him already much more than he had liked William, no matter how much more handsome William was.

“Kobra Kid," Bullet Blade said, opening his arms. “Welcome home.”

Jonas practically jumped him. He clinged to that hug, to that man, with everything he had left in him. Isak waited for the hug to be over with, impatiently. He was so thirsty.

“We need water," he said the second Jonas finally let go. Bullet Blade spun around back into his tent and returned with a bottle. Jonas drank first. Exactly half, then he handed the bottle over for Isak to empty.

Isak looked at Bullet Blade. They needed to talk, and soon. He asked Bullet Blade if they could talk somewhere in private, and soon enough Isak was inside his tent. Sitting down on the sand, there wasn’t enough room to stand up straight. Jonas stayed outside, he wanted to look if he found anyone he knew.

“I’m Isak. What’s your name?”

“Eskild.” To Isak’s surprise there were no nonsense, just a name. He had expected to do this dance for a couple of rounds more. But Eskild just told him. Maybe it was because he was so much older.

“Nice to meet you, Eskild. First, I’d like you to know, that me and Jonas have not done any of the things you heard on the --” Isak swallowed. He couldn’t think about the radio, or the man whose voice would not be heard today. It was too much to think about yet. He wasn’t even sad, because he couldn’t understand the gravity of the events last night.

“Is there something wrong with the name I gave him?”

Isak shrugged.

“It’s not his name.”

“And Jonas is? On what basis?”

Isak bit his lip. He was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Eskild looked at him so sharply. Like he was about to be put in his place.

“It’s. It’s always been his name.”

“Given by people he personally chose to escape. Just like you did. You of all people should understand that.”

“He doesn’t mind the name. He told me he was cast out so he’s not really Kobra Kid anymore.”

“And how does he feel about that? Being cast out.”

Isak bowed his head. He was getting a hunch of what Eskild was going after.

“It devastated him.”

“Look at me, please.” The  _ please _ did not sound too polite. More like a creature of habit. Isak raised his eyes to Eskild’s face. He couldn’t look him directly in the eye.

“Do you understand what a dick that makes you?”

“What?”

“You heard me. You’re a dick to him every time you say his name.”

Isak shook his head. Eskild didn’t understand. It was different. It wasn’t like that.

“I’m a dick to him in so many ways. But not like that.”

“Have you considered trying, I don’t know, not being a dick?”

“What?”

“You’re smarter than that. Stop pretending you don’t understand me.”

Isak paused for a moment. Gathered himself and his thoughts.

“I can’t afford that right now.” That was all there was to it, really. Isak couldn’t surrender to the ways of the desert, because he would have to be able to break them to pieces. “I just lost someone important. I. I need him. He knows that and accepts that and I’m not man enough to set him free just yet.”

Isak could only hope his excuse passed. He knew that Eskild could not be trusted. Jonas had caught a signal from the city. They couldn’t decrypt it, but it was more likely than not that it was something they wouldn’t like. They were walking on thin ice, in the middle of the desert.

Eskild seemed to buy it. He gave Isak an earful about using people, and Isak pretended to listen to him. But he was thinking about Even. About his skin, his lips, his eyes that Isak knew were now gone. But it didn’t  _ feel _ like Even was dead. Isak had this nagging, resilient feeling gnawing in his chest, that Even was still alive. That they would meet again. That feeling hurt, it hurt so much, and Isak allowed tears run down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry," he uttered. “I’m so scared and alone. I don’t want him to hate me.”

Eskild hugged him. It was a warm and tight hug, a comforting one, and Isak took advantage of it. He took solace from it. When Eskild let go he had stopped crying and wiped his eyes.

“I’m sorry," he said again.

“It’s okay. For now. Just don’t be a dick at Kobra Kid, okay?”

Isak nodded. He’d try not to. He’d have to watch his tongue when he weren’t alone with Jonas.

“Can I still be just Isak?”

“Your name is your choice, kiddo. And you should call me Bullet Blade.”

Isak nodded slowly, embarrassed. Eskild had a point.

“Who gave you that name?”

“I gave it myself. When you become a leader you pick a new name for yourself and for your tribe.”

“You chose a matching set.”

Eskild grinned. He had a nice grin. It reminded Isak of Magnus somehow, not by form but by radiation.

“I did. And the kids love it.”

“Why are they all so young?” Isak asked. Eskild’s grin turned off.

“Most of the sand kids never make it past fifteen. The ones who do tend to leave with new leaders when given the chance. They want to leave the nest, so to speak, and that’s how it should go.”

Maybe, Isak thought, Eskild wasn’t that great a leader anyhow. Sure, the camp was nicer than Williams, but at least William could keep them alive longer. But he didn’t say anything, since it was possible that there had been a recent rise of a new leader and all the older kids had just left.

“Can we stay here? For now?” Isak asked. Eskild nodded and smiled.

“Of course you can. To be honest, I’m really happy Kobra Kid returned to me before he turned seventeen.”

Seventeen. Isak licked his lips quickly, being reminded of Jonas’ greatest fear wasn’t pleasant. He couldn’t handle that, not now, when he was barely holding himself together.

“He seems happy to be here. He called this home.” That made Eskild smile a bit wider. Sparklier. “I should go find him now.”

“Go ahead. I’ll arrange a tent for you two for the night.”

For you two. That sounded really good. A place to be alone with Jonas. Isak didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself from crumbling, but now he had a goal set for him. Tonight. Just keep it together until tonight.

“Thank you," Isak said and left the tent. He blinked in the bright sunlight and after some squinting headed out to find Jonas.


	10. S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W

_move your body when the sunlight dies_ _  
_ _everybody hide your body from the scarecrow_ _  
everybody hide_  
  
 _\--_

 _love won’t stop this power_ _  
_ _love won’t stop this power_ _  
_ _love won’t stop this pain_   


A week passed. During the days Isak was almost like a tumbleweed, and some of the smallest kids were obviously scared of him, when he walked around the camp completely numb. The nights he spent crying in Jonas’ arms. He didn’t make a sound, he just cried, and his crying made his whole body cramp up so he was sore every morning he woke up. He kept himself within a hearing distance from a radio at all times, waiting to hear Even’s voice again, but all he heard was static.

Even was alive. He knew it.

It was killing him that he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t go look for him, he couldn’t help him, he couldn’t see him. Even was alive, Isak was alive, and that was about all there was left.

And, of course, Jonas. Isak’s rock. He had his own troubles, worries and trauma to deal with, but yet he supported Isak all the way. Jonas held him until he ran out of tears and fell asleep. Jonas made sure he ate and drank enough during the day, and that he didn’t stay too long out in the sun.

Then came the night when Isak was just about to crawl into their tent to cry, and Eskild stopped him.

“It’s time," Eskild said. Isak’s heart sank. He knew what time it was.

“I want to come with him.”

“That’s not possible. The Scarecrow will devour you.”

At this point, Isak thought, that did not seem like a bad option.

“He needs me.”

“Or is it so that you need him?”

Isak turned away. Eskild was not playing fair.

“We need each other.”

Eskild sighed.

“This is something Kobra Kid will have to do alone. He will have to face the Scarecrow and either meet his destiny or be forever free from his fear.”

Eskild was right. Jonas was so afraid, and after tonight he wouldn’t be, anymore. But what if the Scarecrow turned him into a tumbleweed? Or devoured him? Isak couldn’t handle that, not now. He knew there was no way of convincing Eskild to let him join Jonas, so he just sniffled and bowed his head.

“Can I say goodbye to him first? Just in case?”

Eskild let go of his shoulder.

“Go ahead. But hurry. It’s time.”

Isak crawled into the tent. Jonas was there, curled up on the floor, shaking. He knew it was time, too, and Isak felt like a real dick for not seeing this earlier. Jonas needed him, too. He had to be strong, for Jonas, just for a moment. Isak crawled behind Jonas and pulled him against his chest.

“You will make it," Isak whispered. “I’m sure you will make it.”

“I’m too scared," Jonas whimpered. “He can tell and he will take me.”

Isak closed his eyes. He thought about all the nights he could have spent with Jonas, giving him courage and solace, maybe something more, and that he had wasted away crying over something neither of them had no power over.

“I love you," Isak said. “And I will not let you forget me. Ever.”

“I can’t die, Issy. Who will take care of you if I die?”

Isak kissed the back of Jonas’ neck softly. Hush, love. It’s okay.

“I will. I promise you, I will make it. I will start the revolution with or without you, and I will survive in your honour.”

Jonas didn’t stop shaking. But he nodded. Isak kept talking.

“I’m going to come with you. As close as possible, no matter where they take you I will follow and be there. I’m not afraid. You won’t be alone.”

Jonas pressed himself a bit tighter against Isak.

“Promise?”

“I promise. I swear, Jonas, even if you can’t see me, I’m right there. Hiding, but there. Okay?”

Jonas nodded. Isak nodded too.

“I will ride with you to the end, Jonas. Blasting through the sunset.”

Jonas chuckled.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yes it does," Isak said. “After tonight you won’t have to be scared of the dark anymore.”

 

It was a small miracle that the Scarecrow’s meeting place could be reached by walking. Isak had no idea how he could have followed with a bike without Eskild hearing his engine. But they were walking, Eskild in calm long strides and Jonas with smaller, timid, reluctant steps. The whole camp had gathered to bid him farewell and wish him good luck, and it had been easy for Isak to slip away from the crowd into the darkness surrounding the camp, to wait for Eskild and Jonas to walk out into the desert.

Isak followed them as quietly as he could. They were easy to follow, since Eskild was carrying a lantern, and all Isak had to do was keep out of the lantern’s range. The wind has settled for the night, like every night, and the sky above them was full of stars. It was so quiet. The whole camp had retreated in their tents, and all Isak could here were his own steps, his feet sinking into and raising out of the sand.

The light stopped moving. Eskild lowered the lantern on a rock and turned to face Jonas. Isak quickened his pace, he had to get within hearing distance as soon as possible.

“-- tonight, Kobra Kid. You have survived the desert for all these years, and now, you are presented with a choice.”

Jonas stifled a sniffle. Isak was so proud of him and his bravery. That pride was soon dissolved into confusion and anger when Eskild started talking again. He told Jonas about the choice he was supposed to make now. About what was at stake.

“There is no Scarecrow. He’s a myth. A legend we tell the kids to keep them safe at home when the night falls. The desert is a dangerous place.”

“What?” Jonas asked, in disbelief. Eskild nodded.

“There’s also another use for that name. You see, if the chip in your brain hasn’t activated by the time you’re seventeen, it will not activate at all. You become a liability.” Eskild was speaking calmly. Isak stared at the gun Eskild pulled out, eyes wide. He didn’t aim it at Jonas yet, but Jonas was unarmed and the implication was clear.

“That’s how a tumbleweed is born. Their chips activate. They become docile, they run out of fuel and fury. They become _useful._ They don’t roll away into the desert, they’re herded and picked up to be brought back to the city, to lead a long and prosperous life. They’re the lucky ones, if you ask me.”

Isak clenched his fists. He could not do anything. Eskild was armed. He was a gang leader, working with the City Council, he would shoot Isak in a heartbeat. And then Jonas.

“But your chip has not activated. That means it will not do so. And that means..you’re either a liability --” Eskild nudged the gun at Jonas. “-- or an asset. You can become one of us. You can lead your own tribe, if you’re up for it. If you can handle the truth.”

Isak looked at Jonas. He seemed calm. Eskild didn’t know, thank heaven he didn’t know that this wasn’t the first time Jonas was breaking his heart over this matter. Isak was certain that if this had all been new to him, he wouldn’t have made it, but now -- perhaps?

“You’re telling me that I can be an asset. To whom?”

“To the City Council. You see, someone has to keep you kids at bay. The defects. The chips activate if your brain is functioning normally, but any kind of disruption to that is risky. You’re defective, and that’s why we are here now.”

Jonas looked at Eskild. Isak saw his fingertips twitch.

“Doesn’t that make you defective as well?”

Eskild shrugged with one shoulder.

“Perhaps. But I sure am useful. And you could be as well. You would make a great leader, if you only have the stomach for the job.”

“Why?” Jonas asked. His voice wasn’t shaking anymore. He wasn’t scared, he was angry. “Why all this trouble? Why not just herd the defects into a pen or something and then just eliminate the ones who don’t activate?”

“That would certainly be frowned upon. The chips aren’t all powerful, they don’t make people complete robots. Someone, somewhere would stand up against a concentration camp for children. But a bunch of renegade runaways who rob and kill good law abiding citizens? That’s a whole different story.”

Isak frowned. That didn’t quite match what Even had told him. Maybe Eskild didn’t know, either? It was possible.

“So you want me to lead a bunch of kids to their deaths so that the City Council doesn’t have to?”

“But what a life they lead before that, Kobra Kid! The life of a sand kid is not an easy one, but it is worth living, is it not? Riding under the free sky. Believing in something. Imagine what it would be like in a facility, where all you do is wait for death.” Eskild paused. He licked his lips quickly. “Besides. Not all of you die. Some of you become leaders. I have saved a few, and I would love to save you as well. So you can save others in return.”

“Bullet Blade --” Jonas sounded devastated. He probably was. Isak hoped, he hoped with all his heart and might, that Jonas would take the deal. He had to take it. There was no choice, other than death, and Isak could not watch him die. Not him, too.

Eskild placed his hand on Jonas’ shoulder.

“Will you save them? I really don’t want to kill you. You’re one of my favourites.”

Please, Jonas. Please. Please. Please.

Jonas nodded. Eskild smiled, relieved, and hugged him. Jonas stared into the darkness over his shoulder. Isak backed down slowly. It was time for him to run back to the camp so he’d be there when Jonas and Eskild returned.

Isak started by sneaking into Eskild’s tent. After a short, heated search he found the radio equipment Eskild used to contact the City Council. Isak opened the casing and turned a couple of the tubes loose, just enough for the thing to stop working. Isak really hoped Eskild wouldn’t figure out too soon what was wrong with it. Then he sneaked back into their tent and curled up under a blanket to wait for Jonas to come back.

He heard steps. Someone entered the tent. That someone smelled like sand, wind and sunshine. Isak sat up to meet Jonas, and the first thing he did was hug him. Jonas buried his face against Isak’s shoulder and cried, letting Isak muffle his heaving cry with his body.

“I’m so proud of you," Isak whispered into the dark curls. “I love you.”

He let Jonas cry until he calmed down enough to talk with him. They agreed, they had to leave. Tonight. Right now. They had to take their bikes and disappear. Again. It had become a way of life for them, it seemed, and this time it felt like routine. Packing up, in the silence of the night. Sneaking to the bikes. Walking them out to the desert.

“He’s letting us escape," Jonas whispered to Isak as they walked forward. “I’m sure he is. There’s no way he’s not -- he knows. He has to.”

“Mm. Probably. But I’m not going to risk it, okay?”

“Yeah. Let’s just go.”

“Where?”

Jonas looked at the vast darkness spreading in front of them. He tried to smirk.

“Through the fucking sunset.”

 

When it happened for the third time Isak started to worry. The first time had been easy to dismiss, everyone blanked out every now and then, lost in thought. The second time had raised suspicions, but now, when Isak had to call Jonas by his name repeatedly even though he was standing right in front of him, and still got no response, Isak knew. Something was happening. Had his chip started to activate anyway?

“Jonas! Please!” Isak shook him. Nothing, Jonas just stared into the distance. Isak was getting desperate. When he ran out of other ideas he grabbed Jonas from behind the neck and kissed him. Come on, Jonas. Come on, wake up. Come back.

Jonas moved his lips. First just a bit, then a bit more, then he finally returned the kiss to Isak. Isak was so relieved he didn’t stop kissing him. He couldn’t. A part of him was so scared that if he stopped Jonas would just space out again. And, to be honest, he had missed this. Kissing.

Eventually they had to stop to breathe. Isak looked Jonas in the eye, stroking his hair.

“Please tell me you’re here.”

“What?” Jonas laughed, surprised. “Where else would I be?”

Isak bit his lip. Jonas didn’t know. He didn’t know what was happening to him.

“Do you know for certain when your birthday is? Like. The exact day?”

Jonas stopped laughing. He frowned.

“Why are you asking?”

“Just tell me. I mean. I’m not certain what day it is now. I don’t understand how to keep track of time, other than from sunrise to sunset and dusk to dawn.”

“Well. A year can be read in the stars. It’s not exact, but it’s pretty darn close. I know when a year has passed.”

Isak wasn’t completely satisfied with that answer. There was no way of telling, for sure, and that bothered him. Especially since Jonas had been acting so weird.

“It’s just that.” It was hard to say. Jonas had been so happy now that he had learned that he was off the hook. Isak was about to shove it right back in his mouth, all the way through his gills. “You have been acting weird lately.”

Jonas was not happy to hear that. He looked almost angry, but Isak had learned that frustrated Jonas looked a lot like angry Jonas.

“What do you mean? I have not. I’ve been just normal.”

“I’m so sorry, Jonas," Isak whispered. His eyes were filling with tears, there was a lump in his throat. A painful lump. “You have spaced out. Three times now. I had to kiss you out of it this time.”

“And here I was thinking you actually wanted to kiss me.”

Okay. That was definitely angry Jonas. Isak’s shoulders sank. Jonas had been there for him. It was his turn to return the favor, even if it meant receiving Jonas’ wrath.

“I like kissing you. I really do. But I don’t like it when I try to wake you up and nothing happens.”

Looking at Jonas made Isak’s heart ache. He looked so angry, and so scared, and so utterly helpless. They were alone in the desert, again, and they were probably being hunted, again, and the radio kept playing only static. Isak was so scared himself, afraid that Jonas would just turn off and forget him after all.

“I won’t let you forget me," Isak said quietly. “Like I promised. I don’t yet know how I’m going to do it, but I will.”

“You like to wing it a lot, don’t you?”

“I hate it. But I don’t have a choice, do I?”

Jonas looked at him. His eyes were glistening too. Their hearts were heavy, and the thrill of freedom had worn off some time yesterday. It was sinking in. Their reality. Their despair. Isak licked his lips slowly.

“We’re going to die out here. Soon. Aren’t we?”

Jonas tried to pull up an encouraging smile. He failed. Hard.

“We’re not dead yet, Issy.”

But soon they would be. They both knew it. They would run out of water, or food, at some point the holes would not be filled anymore for them and they’d starve. They needed to do something, soon, but what could they?

Isak’s heart sank when he noticed Jonas was staring into the distance again, his face blank. He couldn’t handle this, not at all, please. Please.

“Jonas?”

Jonas raised his hand to silence Isak. Then he raised it to shadow his eyes.

“Look.”

Isak turned to look. He saw just a desert. Everlasting, never ending, sand and sky and not much more. But then he saw it. A cloud of dust, in the horizon. He heard an engine. It wasn’t a bike. It was something else. Something big.

His heart skipped a beat when he thought it could have been Even’s jeep.

“What do you think?” Isak asked. His mouth felt dryer than usual.

“It could be anyone. They might be after us.”

“We’ve been ready to die since the beginning, haven’t we?”

Jonas took Isak’s hand. And it was decided. They wouldn’t run. They didn’t have guns, either, so all they could do was wait and see. They pulled their scarves on their faces and raised their chins proudly.

The dust cloud grew bigger. It got closer, rapidly, and the noise of the engine was clearer and clearer. It wasn’t a bike. It was a larger vehicle, and as it got closer Isak could finally see its outlines in the middle of the dust. It was big. Bigger than Even’s jeep had been. It was a big dark lump with wheels under it. Isak squeezed Jonas’ hand a bit tighter.

The vehicle stopped about twenty meters away from them. It had no windows on the sides, just a sliding door, which had the words LOS LOSERS spray painted on it. The door slid open and three girls stepped out, fully armed. The two blondes were holding assault rifles and the girl whose hair was covered with a scarf held two pistols, one in both hands. They were all aiming at Isak and Jonas, who raised their hands slowly. Still their grip stayed locked.

The front doors slammed. Two girls more, both with a gun. They were completely overpowered, to the extent of it being almost funny. At least the girls hadn’t shot them immediately on sight. But Isak couldn’t count on that not changing soon.

The girl squad was an impressive sight. The delicate blondes with hidden power directly under the surface, the intense gaze of the girl with the scarves, the near chaotic all over the place dangerous mixed with fun habitus of the driver, and the fifth girl, who seemed like the leader, her eyes sharp and analyzing Isak and Jonas carefully.

“It’s them," the leader said. The blondes took the safety off their rifles. “I suggest you don’t make any sudden moves, lost boys.”

Isak and Jonas stayed perfectly still. Jonas kept his eyes on the leader, while Isak noticed the crazy one looking at him with a bit too much interest. And expressing her interest a bit too openly.

“Sana, search them.”

The scarved girl put her guns in their holsters and walked to them. She patted Isak’s whole body carefully with her hands, then repeated the process with Jonas.

“Yeah, they’re clean. Chris, check their bikes.”

The crazy girl hopped to the bikes. When she called out _clear_ the leader approached them. She took her time, walking in slow dignified steps, stopping a couple of meters away from the boys.

“Noora and Vilde have you both in their aim. One wrong move and your brains splash all over the sand. You understand?”

Isak and Jonas nodded. They understood. They considered themselves lucky that hadn’t happened already.

The leader grinned.

“You can put your hands down now.”

They did. Still holding hands. That seemed to amuse her a lot.

“Aren’t you two just _precious._ Aren’t they, girls?”

The squad agreed. Isak blushed. He didn’t know why. But he wouldn’t be the one who let go first, he was in this with Jonas. Together.

“Are you going to kill us?” Isak asked.

“Maybe," Chris said. She had pulled out a knife and gave the blade a long lick. She kept her eyes on Isak.

“A very strong maybe," Sana reminded Chris, who looked at the leader.

“Eva, you promised we can scare them!”

The wind kept pushing Eva’s hair in her eyes. She brushed it behind her ears.

“They seem proper scared alright.”

Jonas let go of Isak’s hand.

“Healthy fear when facing five people armed to their teeth.”

“And when facing certain death in the desert," Eva stated. “You will run out of water in a day. We have no need to get our hands dirty, the sun will do you two in for us.”

They were right. Isak knew it. They didn’t have much time, even if they did find water in the holes scattered around the desert. Days, at most, and with Jonas getting worse -- they would die. Soon.

“Then help us," Isak pleaded. “We have done no harm to you.”

“Yet," Noora or Vilde said. Isak didn’t know which was which.

Jonas didn’t say anything. Isak turned to look at him, and saw his blank expression. No. Not now, Jonas! Not now. Isak tried to take his hand, but it was limp as well.

“Something wrong?” Eva asked. She didn’t sound surprised.

“It’s his chip," Isak said. “It’s starting to work. I don’t know how to help him.”

“I do," Eva said firmly. “Help me get him in the van.”

“Eva?” Sana didn’t seem to agree with the plan. She raised her brows impressively high. “Shouldn’t we vote on that?”

Eva huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Fine. Anyone in favor of helping this boy, raise your hand.”

Eva, Chris and one of the blondes raised her hand.

“Anyone opposing?”

Sana raised her hand. The other blonde didn’t, the one with shorter hair.

“Noora?” Eva asked. The girl shrugged.

“I really don’t care.”

Isak cleared his throat. He had an obvious question.

“How, exactly, are you planning to help him?”

Eva grinned. She looked mischievous when she grinned.

“I’m disabling that thing for good.”

Isak stared at her in disbelief. He had just heard that it was impossible. Jonas’ brain had grown around it, there was no way of removing it -- wait, disabling? That didn’t mean removing, necessarily?

“How do you know it works?”

Eva raised her hair at the back of her neck and showed Isak a tiny scar near her hairline. All the other girls, apart from Sana, did the same. Eva flashed Isak a triumphant grin as she turned to look at him again.

“We all turned eighteen last year. Now, help me get him and his bike in the van. You can ride yours and follow us.”

Vilde walked to Eva and whispered something in her ear. Eva frowned.

“Who said anything about letting them join us? We’re just helping them out, and in return they’re giving us one of those dirt bikes. Aren’t you, pretty boy?”

Isak blushed a bit at first, but then he realised Eva was looking at Jonas when she spoke. Jonas didn’t respond. Isak nodded.

“Yes. Take the bike. Take anything you want, just save him. Please.”

“Oh, _anything_ we want?” Chris asked, tapping the blade of her knife against her lips. She practically undressed Isak with her eyes. Eva poked her between the ribs.

“Stop teasing the poor thing. Can’t you see how lost they are?”

“You know who they are, right?” Sana said.

“Jet Star and Kobra Kid. I’m not an idiot, Sana. I listen to the radio.”

“Then why haven’t we shot them?” Noora asked, from behind her rifle.

“Cut it out. You’ve had your fun. This one is out of it and that one is already scared shitless.” Eva smiled at Isak, apologetically. “I’m sorry. The girls are restless because we haven’t seen any action lately.”

“Especially me!” Chris exclaimed.

All the girls laughed. It sounded really nice for a change. To hear people laughing.

“We’re not," Isak said. “Or, well, yes we are, we’re the people that everyone’s after, but. I’m Isak. And he’s Jonas.”

“Eva.”

“Chris.”

“Vilde.”

“Noora.”

“...”

“Sana?”

“They know my name. And I don’t like them. No offence, Isak, it’s just that boys are only trouble.”

“Sana!”

“Well," Isak said, “she’s got a point. Almost every boy I’ve run into out here has meant trouble in one way or another.”

Sana squinted when she smiled.

“Come on, Isak. Help me get Jonas in the van.”

With Eva’s assistance Isak walked Jonas to the van and inside it. In the back, where they tied Jonas, sitting down, to the wall so he couldn’t cause any trouble if he woke up in the middle of the drive. Chris, Noora and Sana lifted Jonas’ bike in there as well. Chris got behind the wheel and Noora opened the passenger side door. Vilde pulled the sliding door closed after the three other girls.

“Follow us. It’s a long drive, and we’re not stopping for you. Keep up or get lost, got it?”

Isak nodded. He was getting used to not having a choice. He’d follow Jonas to hell if need be, he had made an oath. Eva stepped into the van and slammed the door shut. Chris turned the engine on. Isak hurried to his bike and mounted it, and as Chris drove away Isak rode after her.

This was madness, Isak thought. These girls had appeared out of nowhere and Isak had trusted Jonas to them. Of all things, the most precious still in Isak’s life. But, Isak reminded himself, they had been armed. Isak had not been, and even if he had, he’d gotten maybe one, maybe two of them out and then died himself. Probably by Noora’s rifle. She seemed like a cold blooded bitch. She’d shot him without even blinking, to protect her own.

Also, if Eva really was telling the truth about the chips, she might have been the only hope for Jonas. The only way to stop his worst fear from coming true. Jonas had feared that the most of all, becoming a tumbleweed, forgetting Isak. And Isak had promised Jonas that he wouldn’t let that happen. Whatever the cost.

After hours of riding Isak finally saw a possible destination. A rock formation, with high sharp peaks and rough edges. As they got closer to it, Isak could see it formed a circular labyrinth, and yes indeed, Chris drove right in. Isak followed her, and after a couple of turns they arrived at a campsite.

The car stopped. So did Isak. He got off the bike and rubbed his aching arms. He took a couple of swigs of water, but didn’t dare to drink enough to really quench his thirst. He didn’t know if the girls would share their water with him or not, and Jonas needed to drink too.

The door slid open. Sana stepped out. Isak saw Noora and Vilde were both aiming at Jonas, who was still just staring in front of him without seeing a thing.

“Did he wake up?” Isak asked, his heart thumping in his ears.

“Once. He raised a real racket too, and then he just. Stopped.” Sana sounded like she had been pushed off her balance. Isak knew well why. He had been so scared when Jonas had shut down in front of him.

Sana looked at Isak for a moment.

“There’s something you should know," she said. “About Eva’s method.”

Isak’s heart stopped screaming in his ears. It went dead silent. No good news ever started with “there’s something you should know”.

“What is it?” Isak’s voice was barely a whisper. Dusty. Thirsty. Scared.

“It’s never worked on a male before.”

“What?” Now Isak’s voice was completely gone. So were his legs, or at least the feeling in them.

“That’s why Los Losers is a girls’ club. I thought you’d like to know.”

Isak sure did not. Or yes, he did, this was vital information, but still, it wasn’t something he _liked_ knowing.

“What happens if it doesn’t work?”

“He becomes a tumbleweed. For good. There’s no fighting it without killing him.”

For a moment Isak felt like he was turning into one himself. Everything lost its meaning, the sky turned gray, the sun dimmed and snuffed out. He could lose Jonas. For good. Isak barely noticed that Sana had grabbed him and helped him sit down on a small rock.

“How -- how do you know it might not work?”

Sana looked away, somewhere to the horizon. She was squinting again, but not smiling at all.

“Let’s just say Eva likes to make promises she hopes she can keep. But maybe it will work on your friend. He is the first one whose chip has started to activate before she tries to deactivate it.”

That sounded like a lot of ifs and buts. Isak didn’t like it at all, but there was no way around it. Either Jonas became a tumbleweed bit by bit, on his own, or he’d turn into one in Eva’s hands.

“We have to wait for him to wake up. We have to ask him. We can’t make this decision for him.”

Sana looked at Jonas over her shoulder. He was still docile, sitting in the van, not moving. They both knew what Sana was going to ask, so she didn’t ask it.

_What if he doesn’t wake up?_

“Isak," Eva called. “I could use a hand over here.”

Isak looked at Jonas. He looked at Sana. He didn’t want to ask, either.

“Go," Sana said, nudging her head toward the van. “I’ll go see what Eva needs.”

“For someone who doesn’t like us you’re exceptionally kind.”

Sana just shrugged and walked away. Isak looked after her for a moment, then he hurrried into the van. He nodded at Noora and Vilde, who were still aiming at Jonas.

“Hey. It’s okay. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

Noora and Vilde looked at each other, then at Isak. Vilde lowered her gun first. Noora followed her example.

“Don’t let him go. We can’t know how he will react if his chip fires up.”

“I won’t," Isak said. The girls stepped out of the van, eagerly, and soon Isak understood why. It got hot in there rather quickly. There was a hatch on the ceiling and it was open, but it didn’t help much. He needed to get Jonas out of here before he fried.

“Wait a moment," Isak said. “I’ll be right back.”

Isak stepped out of the van and found Chris. She looked at him again with the look that made Isak feel like he wasn’t a person but a plaything. Which Chris wanted to play with. He really hesitated asking for this from her, but the other girls seemed busy.

“I need some rope," Isak said. “Do you have any?”

Chris smirked.

“Of course we have rope! Rope is one of the most useful things to have around when you’re a renegade outlaw badass bitch.”

“Yes," Isak agreed, “I’m quite sure it is. Could I have some?”

“Oh I’d love to give you some. But let’s find you that rope first, shall we?”

Isak followed Chris to a shack that was put together from sheets of metal, maybe from a roof of some abandoned building. She got a skein of rope from there and handed it over to Isak. It was surprisingly light, and really sturdy for its weight.

“You could tow our van with that.”

Isak nodded. He believed Chris. This was a good rope. It was also nice and smooth, all the better, so Jonas wouldn’t hurt himself if he got agitated again. Isak hurried back to the van, and to Jonas.

“Hey," Isak said, hopeful. It had no effect on Jonas. He just sat there. Isak refused to let that get to him. Jonas would wake up, soon, and Isak could ask him what he thought about Eva’s operation.

What did get to him, though, was the thought that Jonas had woken up in the van, and Isak hadn’t been there for him. But he couldn’t do anything about that anymore. Isak started by undoing the ropes that were restraining Jonas. Then he tied his hands, his wrists together, and that would have to do. Isak wouldn’t leave his side anymore.

“Come on," Isak asked and pulled at the rope for a bit. “Let’s get out of here before we’re overcooked.”

Jonas followed him, like on a leash. Isak walked him outside and suddenly felt something hard press between his shoulder blades. It was a gun.

“What are you doing?”

Noora. Isak raised his hands slowly.

“It’s too hot in the van. I tied him up so he won’t cause any trouble.”

“Maybe we should tie you up as well. Would that keep you from causing trouble?”

“If you think that’s necessary, I suppose it would? But please, keep me together with him. He needs me.”

“Eva was right. You two are just precious.”

Noora pulled the gun away. Isak turned to look at her, still careful to not make any sudden movements.

“I just want to get him back. I need him, too.”

“Eva is a wonder. She will fix your friend, you’ll see.”

Noora seemed certain of it. Much more so than Sana had been. Isak had to take either one’s word for it, he had no evidence either way. He wanted to choose Noora’s point of view, but Sana’s words felt heavy under his chest. Somehow Isak managed to smile a little bit, anyway.

“I sure hope so. Is there someplace where we can wait until Jonas comes back to this world?”

“Our tents are behind those rocks. They’re good tents, keep the hot and the cold away. Mine is the last one in the line, you can crash there. I’ll sleep in Vilde’s tent tonight.”

Isak thanked Noora and walked Jonas to the tents. He managed to lure his friend inside Noora’s tent, and laying down on the ground. Isak laid down next to Jonas and wrapped his arms around him.

“Please. Come back. Just for a moment.”

Isak kept whispering to Jonas. He pressed his forehead against Jonas’ forehead and just kept talking to him, quietly, hanging on to the small spark of foolish hope.

Isak waited all day. Jonas didn’t come back. It got dark outside, the girls started a fire and sat around it talking and laughing, while Isak was in the tent huddled with Jonas. It was too dark to see him, but Isak felt him, with his body and his heart. Jonas was gone. Isak was all alone now. Even was lost and Jonas was erased, it was just him now.

And five really remarkable girls.

He could probably talk them into his revolution. At least the crazy one, Chris, and the trigger happy Noora. Possibly Sana, she seemed like she was fed up with all the world’s bullshit.

The revolution didn’t need Jonas. But Isak did. He didn’t want to make this decision, but he had to. Jonas was slipping further and further away by the moment.

“I’m so sorry," Isak whispered and pecked a kiss on Jonas’ lips. Jonas didn’t respond. “I have to try. If you don’t wake up until morning, I will ask Eva to try and fix you.”

Isak closed his eyes. He had to sleep. He knew he couldn’t, but he had to at least try. But the night crept on, the voices outside the tent withered away and silence fell over the camp, and Isak was still wide awake. He turned Jonas on his back and crawled on top of him, resting on his chest, his ear against the heartbeat so familiar to him. It was a song he knew by heart, his lullaby, he heard Jonas’ soft voice in his ears like an echo from far away and long ago. Na, na, na.


	11. Summertime

_ turned my headphones up real loud _ _   
_ _ I don’t think I need them now _ _   
_ _ ‘cause you stopped the noise and _ _   
_ _ if you stay I would even wait all night _ _   
_ _ or until my heart explodes _ _   
_ _ how long ‘til we find our way in the dark and out of harm _ _   
_ _ you can run away with me anytime you want _ __   
  


Isak yawned so hard he feared he would dislocate his jaw. He hadn’t slept a wink all night. He had just waited for the dawn and for the girls to wake up, so he could talk to Eva about the operation and the possible risk Sana had mentioned. But he had to be careful. If he pissed Eva off she might not help Jonas after all.

She had to help Jonas.

Isak crawled out of the tent, dragging Jonas with him. He was still tied up, still out of it, he just followed Isak’s lead with a blank face. Isak must have looked like a ghost himself, he hadn’t slept one bit all night. Outside Isak found Vilde. She was filling up a bottle from a large canister of water.

“We need some. Please.”

Vilde screamed and dropped the bottle. Isak jumped to grab it before it hit the sand. It didn’t spill one drop, at the cost of a sharp pain on Isak’s shoulder. Pain was something he could live with, water something he could not live without.

Isak drank without asking again. He took long hurried gulps and then poured half of the bottle’s contents on Jonas’ lips. Jonas drank, thank the stars, he drank every single drop.

“I could shoot you for stealing," Vilde said. She didn’t sound too sure about herself, though. Her threat was more of a contemplation. A conversation, even.

“It would be a quicker death than trying to go without water," Isak said calmly. He handed the bottle back to the girl. “I can ride to get more if you wish.”

“It’s okay. That was the bottle Eva told me to fill up for you two. But you still should have asked.”

Isak nodded, embarrassed. Yes, he should have asked, instead of just taking it. But he was so thirsty. And he had to take care of Jonas, too.

“Where is Eva? I need to speak with her.”

Vilde nodded at the van. Isak thanked her and dragged Jonas out there with him. Eva was by the van with Chris, though Isak could only see the lower half of the latter. The rest of her was under the car.

“Having problems?” Isak asked. Eva turned to look at him.

“Can you help?”

Isak shook his head. He was, sadly, quite useless in any other job than being the gunner for Jonas. Without Jonas he was practically nothing. Dead weight.

“Sorry, no. I came to look for you. Can we talk?”

Eva scooted down to say something to Chris. Then she got up and nodded at Isak.

“This way.”

Eva led Isak and Jonas to a bigger tent. There was a table and a small dust proof cabinet, and some efficient lights. Isak stared at the table, and his stomach felt hard and cold.

“Is this where --”

“Yes. I take it Jonas hasn’t woken up?”

Isak shook his head. His eyes were tearing up again. He was so scared and lonely and terribly tired.

“Sana told me something yesterday," Isak said. He owed it to Jonas, to at least ask. “Something about your operation not working on males?”

Eva sighed. She shook her head, not at Isak but at Sana, who was not present.

“If that’s what she said she should know better. It’s not that simple.”

“But it is true? That it’s only worked on girls this far?”

Eva grimaced. She rubbed the back of her neck, then shrugged.

“Wellll. Sort of, yes. But it’s not what you think. What she thinks. The method works, I’m sure it does, but there are so, so many parameters -- there’s really no way of telling what has caused the failure of those operations.”

Operations. Plural. Eva had failed at this more than once. Isak glanced at Jonas, at his blank face, and his guts felt colder and heavier.

“Just tell me. Please. Can you save him?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. But I am fairly positive I can. I’ve never done this with someone whose chip has full on activated, but there’s no reason to assume I couldn’t still disable it.”

Fairly positive. No reason to assume. Eva sounded way less sure than Isak would have liked her to.

“What will happen if you fail?”

“Hard to say. If I succeed he gets his mind and body back, the control, back to himself. Without any other side effects of the chips, even when they’re inactive they are nasty little assholes.”

“Side effects?” Isak touched at the back of his neck, by the hairline, where he had seen the scars on the girls.

“Infertility, for starters. Inactive chips work as contraceptive. And apparently they make you suggestable to the man on the radio, too. Something about his broadcasting signal makes you eat right out of his palm.”

Isak clenched his fist. Eva was talking about Even. And saying terrible things, too. As if Isak’s connection with Even was something artificially created. It wasn’t possible. It was true love and. Isak took a deep breath. Something about his signal. Even hadn’t been broadcasting all the time when Isak and Jonas had been living in his house. Lack of sleep was making him edgy, jumping to conclusions too easily.

“What do you base that assumption on?”

“Before I disabled our chips, his broadcasts made us really pumped. We were ready for war, for a death in a blaze of glory. When I set us free we heard the same words, but they didn’t have the same effect.”

Isak had to admit that seemed like sound proof. But he still wasn’t convinced. Even was magical. Divine. That’s all. He looked at Jonas, looking for support, but Jonas offered him no help.

“Is there a risk of death?”

“Life is a risk of death.”

Isak sighed. Chipped or not, sand kids were still sand kids.

“Especially out here. But you’re right, Jonas doesn’t fear death. He fears this, the life he has now, this was his worst fear. By far. This is not as hard a decision as it feels like, is it?”

Eva stepped closer to Jonas. She looked at his face, up close and carefully. She smiled.

“Don’t you worry, boy. Mama’s gonna fix you right up.” Eva looked at Isak. Isak nodded. Yes. He gave his blessing, if it was needed. Eva smiled, reassuringly. “You are not needed here. It’s best you wait outside. Make yourself useful while at it.”

“I would like to stay with him.”

“And I am asking you to leave. Please. I know what I’m doing, I have learned so much already. I will save him. Okay?”

Isak was not proud of it. But he really needed a break. Maybe he could try and get some sleep. He most certainly didn’t want to see Eva operate on Jonas, his nerves wouldn’t handle that sight. His stomach, probably not either. So he gave Jonas a quick kiss on the cheek, whispered a wish of good luck to him and escaped the tent into the bright, warm sunlight.

He saw Sana. She was paying very close attention to their bikes. Isak decided to go ask her why.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting myself acquainted to my new ride. Which one is the payment?”

Isak pointed at his bike.

“This one. It’s a good bike. Fresh cells.”

Sana kept looking at the other bike. Jonas’ bike.

“I like this one more.”

“You can’t have that one.”

Sana turned to face Isak, tilting her head.

“Oh? Why not? I mean, it’s right here, in  _ our _ camp, while Eva is trying to fix  _ your _ friend. It’s not like he’s using this or anything, is it?”

Isak pulled his shoulders back.

“If you’re trying to bully me into giving it to you, it’s not working. If you want Jonas’ bike, you will have to fight me for it.”

Sana raised her brow. Then she pulled her guns out and aimed at Isak with both of them.

“I win.”

Isak backed down. Slowly.

“Please. It’s his most beloved possession. Jonas loves that bike.”

“After Eva’s  _ treatment _ he won’t give a shit about anything. Not you, not this bike, not anything.”

Isak really tried to keep himself from crying. He didn’t want to give Sana the satisfaction. It wasn’t going well.

“Stop saying that.”

“It’s the truth.”

Isak wiped his eyes. Furious. Sana was so mean to him, and he didn’t understand why. He was so tired. He just wanted to fall asleep with Jonas, like normal. That was the hardest bit about this, really. His life had been twisting and turning upside down constantly, but Jonas had been by his side all along the ride.

“I’m not giving you his bike. If he doesn’t make it, I’ll ride it in his name.”

Sana looked at him. She was squinting in the bright sunlight, her lips pursed.

“Fine.”

That was all Sana said. She turned around and walked away. Isak stayed with the bikes. He didn’t like it, but he had to inspect them both in case she had tampered with them somehow. She clearly had a chip on her shoulder, and Isak didn’t think it was beneath her to do some sabotage just out of spite.

The bikes were fine. Isak checked them twice and he couldn’t find anything wrong with them. He looked around to find something, anything, to distract himself with. Then his eyes landed on the radio on Jonas’ bike. Something grabbed a tight hold of his heart and squeezed. Isak stepped slowly closer to it. A ray of light was reflected from the dial, beckoning him. His mouth felt dry.

Isak knelt down on the sand in front of the radio. This moment felt so meaningful. It was heavy, it was loaded with purpose and intent, and Isak knew. He just knew. If Isak just turned the radio on he would hear his voice. Isak’s hand was shaking when he brought it on the switch. He took a deep breath and held it in.

He turned the radio on.

All he heard was static.

Isak turned the dial a bit back and forth. Static. Static. A distant click of a mast somewhere far away. Isak had been speaking with Jonas about him teaching Isak how to navigate with the radio, but they hadn’t had time to get around to it.

After a couple of minutes of searching in vain Isak turned the radio off again. He felt like a fool. Like an idiot. He was so sad and pathetic that he had clinged to an illusion of hope. A daydream.

What the hell was taking Eva so long? Had something gone wrong? Maybe she had messed up and now Jonas was lying dead on that table -- Isak had to see. He got up on his feet and hurried to the tent where he had left Jonas with Eva.

Eva was leaning over Jonas. She had a lamp on her headband and a laser blade in her hand. She didn’t raise her eyes.

“I’m surprised you managed to stay away for this long.”

Isak blushed. He didn’t enter the tent, he just kind of lingered by the entrance.

“Is he okay?”

“I’m closing up the wound. I used a light anesthetic, he should wake up in about fifteen minutes. Maybe half an hour. You can wait here with him.”

Isak nodded. Grateful. He stepped inside and waited for Eva to finish before he stepped up to Jonas.

“Hi," Isak said quietly, taking Jonas’ hand. “I miss you. Please come back.”

Isak raised his eyes to look at Eva.

“What if he doesn’t wake up?”

“He will.”

“But what if?”

Eva grimaced. She was not happy about this subject of conversation.

“If you’re asking if there’s anything else I can try, the answer is no. If this doesn’t work, I don’t have anything. He’s gone.”

Isak nodded. Barely visibly. He squeezed his grip a bit tighter.

“Thank you. For trying this. You gave us hope where there was none.”

“Isak. If he doesn’t wake up. He will have to go. We can’t keep dead weight around.”

Isak nodded.

“Yes. I know. I’ll go with him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’ll be heading back to the city. All tumbleweeds roll back there and are never heard of again.”

Isak had to admit it, what Eva told him did sound scary. He didn’t want to go back. Not to his parents, not when his mother was -- whatever it was that she was doing with William. And possibly others, too. Isak couldn’t face her.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving his side.”

“Have you thought about yourself?”

“Thought about what?”

Eva looked at her for a moment.

“You have a chip in your head too. It’s just not activated.”

Isak touched at the back of his neck. Of course he couldn’t feel the chip, it was inside his brain. Thinking about that made him feel a bit queasy.

“I’d rather keep it like that. It might not activate ever, right?”

Eva nodded.

“It’s possible. But it’s also possible that it will activate and I won’t be around to do anything about it.”

Isak looked at Jonas. In a moment he might or might not wake up, and that moment would define the direction of the rest of Isak’s life.

“I’ll take my chances. Thank you.” Isak hadn’t forgotten about the hypothesis that the precious operations had gone awry because the chips hadn’t been activated yet. It was too much of a risk. He had things to do. If Jonas woke up he’d have a revolution to start, and if Jonas didn’t come back to him -- then he’d have a long walk ahead of him.

Now it all came down to Jonas. Isak leaned over him, to whisper in his ear.

“I need you, Jonas. Come on. I know you have it in you.”

Eva stepped closer. She laid her hand on Isak’s shoulder. Isak let her keep it there. They waited, patiently, for the minutes to drag onward. Isak had no idea how long they had waited, but it felt like more than fifteen minutes. Much more.

Jonas groaned. Isak made a little nervous squeak.

“Jonas?”

Jonas groaned again. He shifted on the table. He was waking up, but to what extent? Isak kept his eyes on Jonas, not blinking once, barely breathing.

Jonas opened his eyes. He looked at Isak. And he really saw him.

“Issy? Where are we?”

Isak’s legs almost gave in out of relief. Jonas saw him. Jonas spoke to him.

“I’ll tell you later. Now you need to rest, okay?” Isak’s voice was shaking. He was relieved and scared out of his mind at the same time. He had no idea how exactly he was holding himself together.

He barely was.

“Okay," Jonas said and nodded. He closed his eyes and frowned. “My head’s killing me.”

Isak looked at Eva. Did she have something for the pain? Was it safe to give to Jonas anything?

“It’s just a side effect of the anesthetic. Nothing to worry about.”

The voice Jonas didn’t recognise made him open his eyes. Eva stepped closer and smiled at him.

“Hey there. How are you feeling?”

Isak saw a spark in Jonas’ eyes. He hadn’t seen one like that there ever before. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the chip being disabled. Would it have always been there without the chip interfering?

“Uh. A wicked headache. But I’ll manage.”

Eva smiled triumphantly. Jonas pulled up a some sort of confused grin. Isak just kind of waited for them to have their moment and for that moment to pass.

He hadn’t expected Jonas waking up and him feeling this lonely. Jonas was right there, he was back, and at the same time Isak was aching with longing. Or maybe he was just so tired. So messed up.

“Jonas?”

Jonas turned to look at him. Isak tried to keep himself from crying.

“Can we take a nap?”

By now Jonas knew how hard it was for Isak to get sleep alone. And he must have seen how exhausted Isak was. He nodded.

“I can always hope this headache is gone when I wake up.”

“It’s best if you two sleep here. If the girls see him walking around all normal again they won’t be able to contain themselves.”

Eva helped Isak make a bed for them. Just some blankets in a pile, but it looked so, so inviting right now. With Eva’s assistance Isak got Jonas down from the table and to the blankets. Isak curled up in the middle of them and snuggled against Jonas. He was shaking and he didn’t know why. He was falling apart.

Jonas wrapped his arms around Isak and pulled him closer. Isak felt himself relax. It was like deflating, but it felt wonderful. Release. He didn’t have time to enjoy it, because sleep took him over near immediately.

 

The next morning Jonas was still himself, though a bit disoriented. And the next morning, and the morning after that, and on the fourth day Isak could finally breathe normally again. He had been sleeping badly, waking up at least once an hour to check that Jonas was still there, or to escape his own nightmares where both Jonas and Even died again and again. So, he was tired, but since Jonas seemed to be more and more okay every day Isak was feeling a bit more relaxed.

Isak had talked to Eva about the possibility to help other sand kids free from their chips, but she had apparently already tried that. It had gone badly. The method was still too uncertain, for males more so, and because the sand kids were loyal to their leaders, volunteers weren’t easy to find. It was dangerous, to go about telling people that their minds were being secretly, though badly, controlled. Especially when their leaders were secretly in on it.

It was all so dizzying. The mere scale of this all. William. Eskild. Even. Isak’s mother, and who knows who else, all in on one big conspiracy. And to what end? Isak wasn’t sure. He didn’t know enough about it to tell who was benefiting from it all, but he knew that the sand kids were far from that end of the deal. And he knew where his own allegiance lied. Isak looked down from the rock he had climbed on, and he saw Jonas showing off his radio skills to Eva. He probably should have felt jealous, but he didn’t. Jonas was not committed to any one person at the time, he knew it and he accepted that. He knew Jonas didn’t love him any less because of that - love was a thing that multiplied by giving it away.

Isak did not have any feelings towards Eva, though, and he had given it some thought. That could he give Jonas something with Eva, something similar that Jonas had given him with Even. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to. Jonas could keep her all his own. Isak was actually kind of relieved, because someone was giving Jonas something back now. Isak was too exhausted to do so himself, all he could do was take and take and try to keep himself together. It seemed that every time Isak managed to somewhat regroup himself something happened that made him fall apart. This far Jonas had always been there to help to put the pieces back together.

Jonas jumped up on his feet.

“ISAK!”

Isak waved his arm to show him he had heard him. Jonas was jumping up and down.

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!”

Isak got up and started descending. Jonas kept screaming at him to hurry. He went as fast as he could without falling or cutting himself on the sharp rocks, and as soon as he hit the sand he started running. Because now he heard it. Music.

There was music on the radio.

There was music. On the radio.

Isak practically ran into Jonas. Jonas caught him, and his exhausted exhilaration, he grabbed Isak and lifted him up and gave him a couple of spins. When Jonas put him down Isak was glowing.

“Is it him? Did you hear him?”

“Just the music. But who else could it be?”

“Anyone?” Isak didn’t want to think about that possibility, but he had to. He had to protect his heart.

Eva looked at him, long and carefully.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. Isak laughed.

“It doesn’t show? I’m about to burst!”

“That’s just it. It’s not -- you’re not getting excited about riding into a fight?”

“What? No!”

Eva looked at Jonas. Jonas nodded.

“There’s no need for them to broadcast just music to entertain us," Jonas said. Eva nodded.

“I agree. It’s not them, is it?”

Isak didn’t quite understand. He didn’t really care, either. He just waited for the song to end. He waited to hear the voice on the radio. He had never heard a song this long in his life. He tried to turn the volume up but then it echoed in the rocks and got muddled. Jonas adjusted it back down and took Isak’s hand.

They waited.

Isak could imagine every single sand kid standing by a radio, just like them, holding their breath, holding hands and wrenches and guns, and waiting. Hoping. All over the desert, hoping from the bottom of their hearts, Isak could almost taste that collective hopefulness in the air. It tasted like thunder.

The song ended. The last notes faded away.

The static returned.

Isak covered his mouth with his free hand. His other hand squeezed so tight that a part of him felt the bones of Jonas’ palm groan in objection.

“Do something!” Isak hissed. “Fix it!”

Jonas turned the dials. Nothing. Just static. Isak let go of Jonas’ hand and stepped back. No. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t  _ fair. _

Isak saw the sky and the sand switch places, then he saw nothing at all.

 

It was Noora who figured it out. Or at least she was the one who said it out loud and thus made it obvious for everyone.

“It’s a trail for Jonas and Isak.”

Isak and Jonas lifted their heads. The song had just stopped playing. It was always just one song, the same one, every day. Nothing else, one song and then back to static.

“Doctor Death Defying knows that you’re a wizard with radios, right? I bet you could trace this signal with ease.”

Isak looked at Jonas. Yes. Of course. Why hadn’t they thought of this sooner? Most likely because they had been so devastated by disappointment, day after day after day, but still. They were idiots.

“Can you?” Isak whispered.

Jonas nodded, a bit hesitant.

“I should. But what if it’s a trap? Other people know of my skills too.”

Isak was feeling so many things at once that he went kind of numb from it all. He just looked at Jonas, in the eye, with everything he had left in him.

“What if it’s not?”

They came up with a plan. Jonas would stay here, with the girls. Eva wanted to continue studying him, in order to improve her process. Isak would go, because he couldn’t stay anymore, and Jonas would guide him through the radio. But first, Jonas would have to build up the system he needed for all this.

Isak was not proud of himself during those days of building and planning. A part of him had already left, out to the desert, and the rest of him was irritable, snappy, agitated and barely sleeping. Every day he listened to the song on the radio, and every day he was disappointed when it was followed by only static.

He was also worried sick. If it was Even, Jonas was not the only person who could trace the signal, was he? Their enemies, whoever they were, could be looking as well, and they probably had the equipment ready and in use, and what if,  _ what if _ Isak did find him but it would be too late? Isak couldn’t think about that. He had to dismiss it completely to be able to operate at all. It was Even, and Isak would find him, and they would bring this shit down together. All the way through the sunset.

Finally Jonas was done. He had worked day and night with Chris, and now Chris handed a pair of headphones over to Isak. They had an antenna and a dial on them.

“This is a direct, encrypted signal to us," Jonas said. “Or, well. From us. We can’t receive from you. I couldn’t find enough components for that.”

Isak nodded. He tried the headphones on his head. Chris showed him how to work the dial in case the signal was glitching.

“I can tell you where the signal is coming from compared to our location. You will have to navigate yourself, based on that. For now the location has changed daily, and it’s safe to assume it will keep doing that. You will have a rough ride ahead of you, Issy.”

“But now we know I can ride in the night as well. There is no Scarecrow.”

“You must sleep sometimes. Issy. Promise me you will stop to get some sleep every night.”

Isak didn’t look Jonas in the eye. He didn’t want to make a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep. Not to Jonas.

“I promise to try. If I can’t sleep I might as well be riding.”

“So, Isak will crash into a rock when he falls asleep mid ride, and we will keep sending him directions until the end of our days, is that it?”

“Sana!”

“It’s okay," Isak said. “She’s right. This might be the death of me.”

“I will keep sending you directions until the signal stops coming," Jonas stated. Matter of fact. He was not going to argue about this with Sana, or with anyone else.

“Thank you," Isak said. He meant it with all his heart. “Tomorrow, when the song starts playing, I’ll ride, right?”

Jonas nodded.

“Right. Ride fast. Don’t fear.”

“Death is always near," Isak completed the greeting. Eva took Jonas’ hand.


	12. DESTROYA

_ so show me what you got, you children of the gun _ __  
_ don’t hide and we don’t run_   
  
  


“Curve left if you can hear me.”

Isak curved left. He heard Jonas, loud and clear. The headphones blocked the engine’s noise pretty well, and Isak had no difficulties understanding what Jonas said to him. He could even hear the song still playing in the background.

“Good. If this stops working, come back. Please. I can fix it and then we can try again.”

Isak kept riding. He had no way of answering Jonas. He was too far away already, all Jonas could see was a cloud of dust. All Isak could see was the desert. He was happy his bike didn’t have any mirrors, he didn’t want to see the place he had almost started calling home get smaller and smaller before it disappeared completely. The desert was big enough as it was, and his mission felt already hopeless.

But there was hope. There was a song on the radio. There was Jonas in Isak’s ears. Jonas’ bike under him. Jonas had given it to him because it had the best radio, and Isak depended on it. His headphones worked together with it somehow, Isak didn’t know the technical details, he just knew what he was supposed to do to make it work and a couple of troubleshoots in case something went wrong. That was all he needed to know.

Jonas told him the heading and then kept talking. He told Isak about whatever popped in his head, and it seemed that Eva was a popular subject. Isak smiled a bit under his scarf. Eva and Jonas seemed like a good match. A balanced couple. If only Eva would let Jonas be himself and not demand him something he couldn’t give.

Probably not. She seemed to have a good head on her skinny shoulders. Maybe it was an age thing. Maybe anyone who survived that long in the desert practically on their own had to be smart. William had his tribe to take care of him, for example, and apparently the City Council as well.

Isak rode faster. He needed to find Even. He knew that it was really unlikely for him to find the sender of the signal right away, but he couldn’t keep himself from hoping. That he would fall asleep on Even’s arms tonight. He still had no way to tell for certain if the song was coming from Even, he had no way of knowing if Even was still alive, but still, he knew.

“Remember to save water," Jonas said in his headphones. Isak hummed. Jonas couldn’t hear him, but that didn’t keep him from answering. “If they’re still hunting us the water holes will be emptied. Or maybe they haven’t been refilled after our reported ghosting.”

Isak had the bike packed full of water. Every possible bag and compartment was filled with it, apart from half of his backpack - the other half was full of energy gel packets. Los Losers had an impressive stock of them. The water would run out well before food would. Isak fixed his eyes on a tall rock in the distance and decided that once he reached it he would take a break in its shade. If he didn’t spare his strength he would not last one day.

He lasted three days and nights. As the sun was setting on the third night Isak was getting tired. He hadn’t slept more than a few hours in total, and he was lucky to have an hour of interrupted sleep. It was starting to get to him, bad, he was having difficulties keeping his eyes focused anymore. But he soldiered on, across the dunes, and when he found the location Jonas had sent him to he found a fire cell half buried in the sand. He touched the underside of it, and it was still warm. He had just missed them. But he was too tired to go on, and he needed to wait for the next broadcast to get a new heading. Right now his wild goose chase felt hopeless. He was closer than he had yet been, and he felt further away than ever.

Isak readied the bike for the night and pulled up his tent. He crawled inside it and closed his eyes. He hummed to himself, the song Jonas had sung to him long ago, when he had been lost and scared. Now he was neither, he was just tired. So, so tired. When sleep finally took him over he welcomed it with open arms.

He woke up to something hard pressing against his temple. It was a gun. Isak had never had a gun held against his head, but he knew exactly how it felt the moment he noticed it. His eyes snapped open. He looked up and saw a familiar face. He smiled, so warm and wide.

“Shade Rage. I’ve missed you.”

Magnus looked sad. He looked so sad, and his hand was shaking. Isak realized that he was, actually, holding him at gunpoint. Why? Why on earth would he?

“What is it?”

“We’ve been looking for you. Get up.”

Isak obeyed. He suspected that Magnus was not alone, and when he got out of the tent he saw the whole Nissen tribe gathered around his miniature camp, carrying lanterns and lights. They looked nervous, huddled close together, glancing at the dark sky every now and then to check for crows.

William was there, as well, with a cocky grin lingering on his lips.

“Look who’s not dusted out after all," William said. He looked at the bike. “What have you done to Kobra Kid?”

“What?” Isak didn’t understand what he was being accused of. He was still so tired.

“Kobra Kid would not leave his bike voluntarily. Where is he?”

Isak had half a second to think. He decided to take his chance.

“Jonas died.”

William nodded at Magnus. Magnus looked like he was feeling sick, but he pulled his hand back and slapped Isak’s cheek. The rush of pain stung his face, but the fact that Magnus had been forced to deliver the blow hurt more. Shit, he really hated William.

“He died in a fire. I tried to help him but it was too late.”

Isak didn’t care if they believed him. But he could hope they would stop asking. Another nod, another slap. Isak took it. He looked at Magnus.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”

Isak hoped that what he saw flash in Magnus’ eyes was relief.

“Why are you playing the same song every day?”

What? They thought it was -- of course they did. They had followed the same signal, and found him, right where it was coming from.

“In his honour. It’s for Jonas.”

Lying was surprisingly easy when you were too out of it to care if you were believed or not. Magnus sniffled. That really broke Isak’s heart, that little badly hidden sniffle. Isak wanted to give the boy a good long hug. But he was not in a position to do something like that, he was a prisoner.

He really had no time for that kind of bullshit. He had to get away from here before the song played again. He had no idea how he would do that, and he was so, so tired.

“Look. I have done no harm to any of you, I just play a song on the radio. That’s not a crime, is it?”

“That’s not for you to decide," William said. Isak didn’t like his tone at all. It was so contemplacent. Isak knew he should have been scared now, scared for his life, but he was too tired and frustrated to care. But when William ordered a couple of the Nissen kids to dig a hole Isak got proper nervous. The whole tribe was agitated, troubled, because the hole was a cruel death. William really had something against Isak. This was personal.

“Monster Ride, please," Magnus tried to plea. It was in vain, since Monster Ride just waved his hand and dismissed the objection.

“Have the hole done by sunrise. Until this rat is in it, he is to be watched at all times by two armed guards.”

William divided the watch hours. Isak was allowed to go inside his tent. They didn’t want him to freeze before his punishment could be executed.

Heh.

Funny word, that. Executed. That was exactly what would be happening to him. At dawn. Isak didn’t sleep a wink all night. He had failed.

When the sun flashed its first rays across the illuminating sky Isak was pulled out of the tent. Magnus was nowhere to be seen, but Mahdi was there. He was deadpan serious. When Isak was ordered to undress to his underwear, Mahdi looked away. Isak could almost hear him grit his teeth. But he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Not without making things just worse. Isak undressed, mechanically, he was pretty much numb.

That wouldn’t last long. Isak walked in slow, solemn steps to the hole that had been prepared for him. It was like a shallow grave, dug in the sand, and lined with thin sheets of metal. It felt cool against his skin when he laid down in the hole. The metal grate was placed over him, and weighed down with big rocks. Isak saw only the blue sky, getting brighter and bluer bit by bit.

He heard someone cry. Someone else comforted them, in a quiet voice.

“Can I please get a gag?” Isak asked. He didn’t want to traumatize anyone with his screaming. As soon as the sun would rise high enough to reach the hole, Isak would start cooking alive. It could take hours.

Nobody answered him. Isak heard steps walking away from the hole. But no engines. They weren’t leaving. They were staying for the show. Isak laid on his back, helpless, and all he could think about was Jonas and his signal, spreading through the desert, searching for an antenna to land on, but in vain. Isak had snapped it off the headphones, luckily without anyone noticing, as he had handed his gear over to his captors. Jonas would continue speaking across the sky until the music died. He would tell the empty desert about his day, and how his feelings for Eva were getting deeper, and how he missed riding into battle with his gunner. The simpler times, when they knew what they had to do.

Isak closed his eyes. He thought about the song, playing on the radio, beckoning him to come. He had gotten so close, and now -- would Even hear of his death? Would he give up hope? Would there be a day when he placed his hand on the switch to start the broadcast, hesitated for half a second and pulled his hand back? A sob bursted out through Isak’s chest, splitting him in two, and his hollow scream was sieved through the crate and scattered into the wind.

He had been prepared to die. Just not like this. Now that he knew Even was still alive his own demise seemed simply so unfair. All he could think about was everything he wanted to do with Even but would never do. He thought about those things until he couldn’t hold them inside him anymore, and he screamed again.

As he ran out of air and had to stop screaming he heard it.

Music.

And engines.

Was Nissen going to be raided by another tribe? It wasn’t usually done, Isak had been told, but sometimes if one tribe ran out of supplies and was forced to attack. Maybe, Isak thought, they would save him. He was at the same time really hopeful for himself and super scared for Magnus and Mahdi. He should have tried to warn them. But the engines and music got louder, and if Isak could hear them in this hole there was no way the kids of Nissen didn’t hear them too.

Isak heard shouts and engines starting up. Yes. The tribe was alert. Then he heard something that he didn’t recognise. The sound was like a big thud, followed by a hiss, and then everyone nearby was coughing and shouting and running around. Isak could see a couple of twirls of some kind of smoke drift above him, and he smelled a hint of something stingy.

The sky disappeared. The smoke didn’t reach the hole that much, it just floated over it, but it was white and thick and close enough to make Isak cough too. His lungs were kind of burning. He tried calling out for help but couldn’t get any strength into his screams. What if nobody noticed him in all the confusion? What if it would get silent, and the smoke would clear and the sun would finally reach him?

Sand rattled against the metal sheets as the crate was pulled away. Someone threw clothes on Isak.

“Put these on.” It was Magnus. His voice was muffled by something, but it was him. Isak tried to sit up but Magnus told him to keep down for now. Isak stayed down and squirmed into the pants and shirt. Something hard, round and big landed on his chest. It was a helmet. Isak put it on his head and grabbed the hand Magnus stretched out to him.

“We have to get you out of here. Now.”

“I’m not leaving without you and Silver Heat.” If they stayed here, Monster Ride might hurt them. They lived in the same tent, they were kind of family. Isak was certain his escape would make the leader of Nissen really pissed.

“We’re coming! Come on, let’s go!”

Isak let Magnus lead him to the bikes. He heard gunshots around him. The helmet blocked the smoke and muffled the sounds, but it also made it hard to see. Isak had to fix his full attention on Magnus. Someone was waiting for them, also wearing a helmet. It was probably Mahdi, Isak thought, and as he saw Magnus get behind them on a bike he knew for certain. Silver Heat and Shade Rage were leaving Nissen.

Isak mounted the bike Magnus was pointing at. Then they rode. As fast as they could. The smoke was replaced by a cloud of dust. Isak was riding too close to the other boys, but he was in too much of a hurry to just get the hell out of here. He heard other engines get close, and that made him real nervous. Were they being chased? But since Magnus didn’t take his gun out Isak just focused on riding, and soon enough the other bikes grouped in formation with them. Whoever these people were, they were with them.

It was a long ride. Isak was so thirsty, and hungry, and exhausted, but they just rode and rode. The helmet kept the dust out of his face, but it also kind of made his head bake a bit. He was more and more convinced he would fall soon, and had to focus all his willpower to keep himself up on the bike.

Finally they stopped. Isak stopped his bike and let it fall on the sand, he fell on his knees right next to it and rolled over on his back. He tore the helmet off his head and gasped for air in desperate heaving breaths. He had never been this exhausted in his life, and never more grateful to be still breathing.

Someone knelt beside him. Isak felt something wet on his lips. A bottle of water. He grabbed it with both hands and pulled his shoulders up from the sand. He drank, greedily, he drank exactly half of it and the handed the bottle over to Jonas.

Except Jonas wasn’t there. The thought stung at Isak’s chest for a split second, then the dull pain of Even’s absence returned in its place. Right under his sternum, its weight heavy and familiar. As someone took the bottle from Isak’s hand the feeling muted slightly.

“You don’t look like a messiah.”

Isak looked up at the speaker. It was a guy, in his twenties, tanned skin and dark hair, and a squint that looked rather familiar.

“A what?”

“That’s what we’ve been told you are. Someone to bring the whole system down and lead us to a new era.”

“You are Jet Star, aren’t you?” Isak heard someone ask from the side. The guy speaking with him rolled his eyes, still familiarly.

“What, you suppose there are  _ other _ people trapped in holes this very moment, Mikael? Really?”

“Stop talking about holes, they make me sick to my stomach.”

The first guy cracked a joke about holes that Isak didn’t quite get. His attention was now elsewhere. He heard music on the bike’s radio.

“I need my headphones”, Isak hurried to say. “Shade Rage? Please tell me you packed them.”

Magnus stopped fiddling with his bike and turned to look at Isak. He looked devastated.

“I’m not -- that’s not my name anymore.”

Isak knew why. Magnus and Mahdi had left their tribe, their home, for him. He should have been a better friend right now, but he didn’t have time.

“Whatever your name, the headphones! Did you pack them?”

Magnus shook his head. Isak grabbed a handful of sand and threw it as far as he could, screaming. Fuck! He would never find Even without Jonas, never. He had been saved, but for nothing.

“Someone should probably inform Doctor D to stop playing that song. It’s a miracle the geezers haven’t tracked him out already.”

Isak froze. He stared at the guy who had spoken, eyes wide, mouth open. What?

“Where is he?” Isak tried to whisper, but he didn’t get any voice out.

“Why shouldn’t that someone be you, Yousef?”

“Fuck you too, Elias.”

Isak tried again, and failed. Okay, he couldn’t speak anymore. He would have to use other means. Isak forced himself up on his weary feet and jumped Yousef, grabbing the guy’s jacked with both hands.

“Where is he!” Oh, he could speak. He could shout, and he was shouting directly at the guy’s face. Everyone around him stopped whatever they were doing, to stare. Isak let go, slowly, and stepped back.

“Sorry. I just. Please. Where is he?”

Yousef grinned.

“No idea. But by tonight he will be right here.”

That was when Isak stopped hearing anything anyone told him. He turned to look directly into the sun to see where it was in the sky, how long he would have to wait, and its brightness pierced his eyes and his brain and everything went black.

When Isak opened his eyes again he didn’t see the sky. He saw fabric, a dome arching over and around him, and it took him a couple of seconds to understand he was inside a tent. He looked down, between his legs, and saw Magnus. He was kneeling on the ground, holding Isak’s legs on his shoulders, and when he noticed Isak was awake he blushed intensely.

“You fainted. I’m holding your legs up.”

Isak smiled.

“Yeah, I can see that. Thank you.”

Then it all rushed back in again. By tonight Even will be here. How long had he been out? He couldn’t see the sun from the tent. Isak sat up way too fast for both his head and his legs, and tumbled back down immediately.

“Easy!” Magnus lowered Isak’s legs one at the time, slowly. “You’ve been through hell lately, cut your body some slack.”

“Even,” Isak mumbled, “Even’s not dead.”

Magnus looked at him, confused.

“Who is that?”

“It’s Him, Magnus. Doctor Death Defying.”

Magnus made a sound that sounded like some sort of a bird. A cawing short laugh.

“What?”

“Is the sun setting already?” Isak sat up, but Magnus pushed him back down from the shoulder. Gently but firmly.

“No, it’s about mid afternoon. And you need to rest. Seriously. I have so much to ask and tell, too.”

Mid afternoon. It’s still far from whatever “tonight” meant for Yousef. There was still time, and to be honest, Isak had some explaining to do for Magnus, too. And questions to ask. So, Isak stayed down.

“Who are these people?”

“They are called the Balloon Squad. That’s pretty much all I know about them, either. When Monster Ride ordered to put you in the hole I sent a distress call on the radio, to anyone, on all frequencies, and they picked up.”

“You did what?” Isak stared at Magnus. He had risked everything, and sacrificed his whole life in Nissen, to help him. To save him. He had given up being Shade Rage, for him.

Magnus shrugged. He looked broken. And brave.

“I couldn’t stay in a tribe that let something like that happen to anyone.”

“Even a traitor?”

“I said: anyone.”

Isak nodded slowly. He understood. Magnus still didn’t know, not for sure, if what Doctor Death Defying said about him was true. But he had lied about Isak’s death, so he could be lying about other things as well.

Shit. Finding out the truth would kill Magnus. It would be a devastating blow to anyone, really, and now Isak wasn’t all that sure about himself or his plan. He had planned to just tell the truth, to everyone, blow the cover -- and then what? But he didn’t have much choice, did he? Things couldn’t go on like they had this far, with kids being sent off to die in the desert just for standing out.

Isak had to tell Magnus.

It was just quite a lot harder to do when looking at him.

“What was said about me and Jonas -- it wasn’t true.” Isak started with the easiest bit, the thing that he knew Magnus would accept easily, maybe even eagerly. “And. That stands for a lot of other things as well. Please, just listen, you can ask anything when I’m done explaining, okay?”

Magnus nodded. Isak made him promise out loud as well, and then he told Magnus everything. He told about the man in the shack out in the desert, and about the radio in Monster Ride’s tent, and about the vanful of girls cutting into brains to heal people. About the love, and the fire, and the signal in the air, beckoning him. It was a long story, and Isak emptied two bottles of water while telling it, but finally he was done.

He looked at Magnus. He had been staring at his feet all through his long story, scared to see what hearing it did to his friend. But he had to look now.

Isak didn’t expect to see Magnus look really pissed off.

“How fucking DARE they!”

Isak stared at Magnus. He had never expected this kind of anger from him. He probably should have, given how just Magnus was in general, but still. Now Isak understood Magnus’ name, seeing the dark burn in his eyes. Shade Rage.

“We will burn them to the ground.” Magnus clawed at the back of his head, hissing. “Mind control? Really?! Where is this Eva chick and how do I find her?”

“Magnus, calm down. I will take us all to them, but first I need to see Even.”

Magnus stopped squirming and nodded.

“Yes. You do. I bet he misses you a lot.”

“I miss him,” Isak sighed. “I miss his voice, too. Hearing it on the radio.”

“We all do. Everyone is confused without him, and restless. The song we hear every day helps a bit, but not for long if you ask me.”

Isak raised his hand and Magnus stopped talking. They both listened. The sound was distant, but distinctive. It was an engine.

Isak rushed outside. The sun wasn’t yet setting, but it was starting to consider it. Isak looked at the horizon and saw a cloud of dust, and in the middle of it, a dark speck. It was bigger than a bike, but smaller than a van, and as it got closer Isak saw it better. It was a jeep. He stared at it, as it approached Isak’s heart was beating harder and harder. It was him, Isak was certain of it, there simply were no other options.

It was him.

It was him.

It was him. The jeep stopped and Even jumped out of it. He stood by the car, frozen, staring at Isak. Isak couldn’t move, either, the wind and the setting sun pushed tears out of his eyes and the dust scratched at his lungs. His legs felt like blocks of lead.

“Please”, he whispered, barely making a sound. “I can’t.”

Maybe Even heard him, maybe not. Still, he came. He came to Isak in a couple of long strides and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Isak clinged to the man. He was shaking.

“I knew you were alive. I just knew it.”

“You found me. Finally.”

Just hearing his voice made Isak tremble. He would follow this man anywhere, chip in his head or not, and so would everyone else. Isak had doubted his mission but now he was sure of it again. Sure of himself.

“How? How are you not --” Isak couldn’t say it out loud. Even’s death wasn’t an option.

“These guys found me. They saw the smoke and charged. They’re crazy, every single one of them, they just rode in guns blazing and wiped out everyone but me. Then I took the jeep with the equipment and ran away with them.” Even paused, to look at Isak. He took Isak’s face between his hands and just looked at him. “I missed you so much. I missed your light.”

Isak laughed through his tears.

“What light? It was so dark without you. If I didn’t have Jonas I wouldn’t --”

Even kissed him. The kiss tasted like salt, and it shut Isak up, just like Even had probably planned.

“You’re here now. And you shine.”

“Shut up and kiss me again.”

They kissed and talked all night. Mostly kissed, and in between those kisses, lying down in their tent, they whispered and mumbled of longing, hope and despair. Of friends gained and lost. Isak managed to tell Even everything he knew about things, and some of it was clearly new information to Even, too. Even, in his turn, filled Isak in on the details he wasn’t aware of. Like who the Balloon Squad were.

When Even told Isak, near the crack of dawn, about the boys who had been turned to tumbleweeds and suddenly awakened alone in the desert, having lost their family and friends, Isak finally connected the dots. The squint, the smile, the angle of their proud jawline. He jumped up.

“It worked!”

Even sat up slower, his hair messy, his skin covered in small bruises made by Isak’s hungry mouth from his neck to his belly button.

“What did?”

“I have to go.”

Isak grabbed the lantern, rushed out of the tent and dove into the next one, where he found Mikael and Adam curled up together. He apologized quickly and charged in the next tent.

“Elias! Do you have a sister?”

Something dark and pained flashed in the man’s eyes, and Isak knew.

“Sana is going to kill you for staying lost for this long.”

Elias sharpened up. The last shreds of sleep fell on the ground around him.

“You know her? You know my sister?”

“Even better! I know where she is.”

There was a general commotion in the camp. Magnus and Mahdi refused to leave their tent before dawn, despite Isak telling Magnus about the Scarecrow, but everyone else gathered around Isak. He told everyone about Los Losers and the signal Jonas was sending out for Isak, every day, for as long as the song was playing.

“That’s why I needed the headphones,” Isak told Magnus through the tent. “I broke the antenna when you caught me, but I’m sure they could be fixed.”

Isak heard a sniffle. Then Mahdi said in a calm, assertive voice that the headphones were gone now, and they would have to think of something else.

“A signal like that shouldn’t be too hard to track,” Mutta said. Isak shook his head.

“It’s from Jonas. If he doesn’t want you to trace it, you can’t. We need to come up with something better.”

Even placed his hand on Isak’s shoulder.

“I have an idea.”

It was a crazy idea. It was a scary one. But it had a change of working, so they all agreed to try it out. They decided to wait until dawn, which left them enough time to get everything ready. They had to pack beforehand, so they could get going immediately after, before anyone looking for them could track and locate them.

The sky was glowing red and orange when they were done. Isak took Even’s hand and waited, holding his breath, for the first rays of light to slip out from behind the horizon. As the sun crawled out and made them squint Even flicked the switch and leaned closer to the microphone.

“Good morning, children. I hope you missed me.”


	13. The Kids From Yesterday

_ and you want to live forever in the lights you make _ __  
_ when we were young we used to say _ __  
_ that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break _ __  
_ now we are the kids from yesterday _ __  
_ \-- _ __  
_ here we are and we won’t stop breathing _ __  
_ yell it out ‘till your heart stops beating _ __  
_ we are the kids from yesterday, today_   
  
  


Isak leaned closer to the speaker so he could hear the clicking sounds over the roar of the jeep’s engine. Their plan had worked. Jonas had heard them, and he had responded, and though Isak didn’t know much about navigating with the radio signals he knew what to look for. So as Mutta turned the wheel on the radio Isak listened, and told Mutta what he heard. Jonas was brilliant. He sent his signals in the tune he had hummed for Isak in the cold, dark nights. The frequency followed the notes exactly, and each fragment of a second was pointing in the same direction. They were pointing at Jonas.

Finally Isak recognised the rock formations in the distance. They were here. His heart was beating so loud in his chest, it felt like bursting, and it felt like love. It was different, what he and Jonas had, so different to what Isak felt with Even, but it was still strong. Jonas felt like he was half of Isak, a missing piece. Isak could be happy without Jonas, but he couldn’t be whole.

Without Even, he couldn’t be happy.

That was the difference.

“Faster!” Isak shouted. “Go faster!”

Even did. The jeep accelerated, zooming over the dunes, making a magnificent dust cloud in its trail. Others were riding their bikes in broad formation to avoid the full blast of the sand, but their helmets allowed them to ride closer than usual. They were coming home, and the roar of their engines sounded like music.

The girls and Jonas were waiting for them. Armed to the teeth and hiding behind rocks and cliffs. They stopped their engines and Isak jumped out of the jeep, with his hands up in the air.

“Jonas!” Isak shouted. He saw Jonas was in pain. He didn’t want to hold Isak at gunpoint like this, but he had to. “It’s okay! I get it!”

Others got off their bikes, slowly, keeping their hands visible. Then the boys took off their helmets and revealed their faces to Los Losers.

Something black flashed past Isak, and a rifle landed on the ground in front of him. When he turned to look he saw Sana had jumped up and been caught by Elias, and they were locked in a tight embrace. Everyone else lowered their weapons and came to them, as well.

Isak almost jumped Jonas like Sana had jumped her brother. But he saw how tight Jonas was holding Eva’s hand. Jonas raised his brows at Isak, and Isak nodded. It was okay. Really. He was okay with just being near Jonas, seeing him, being with him. He didn’t need to own him.

“I heard your song”, Isak said. Jonas grinned.

“I knew you would. And we heard your message.” Jonas looked at Even. “I know what you need to really make things start happening. We should probably get on with it right now.”

“I’ll help.” Mutta stepped up. Jonas nodded. He hopped up on the jeep to inspect the equipment, and Mutta and Even joined him. Isak was left alone, while everyone else around him was talking and shouting and laughing and celebrating reunions and new acquaintances. He noticed Magnus was staring at Vilde with his mouth open.

“A boy can dream, right?” Eva stepped to Isak. She was grinning, and her eyes were sparkling. “It really worked. I knew it.”

“It seems so. It just took a while.” Isak turned to face Eva. “Can you teach others to do the same? We need to liberate everyone. All of the sand kids. And maybe the city folk, as well.”

Eva’s grin was wiped off her face to make way for a grimace.

“I have no idea. It’s not -- it’s complicated. It’s actual brain surgery, and I really am lucky that I didn’t kill anybody while trying. Hell, I still can’t be sure the effect is permanent.”

Isak nodded. Eva was right.

“Well. You have given them some more time. And freedom. That’s something. That’s huge.”

Eva shook her head. Then she sighed.

“We need to talk about him.”

Isak knew who Eva was talking about. He sighed, as well.

“There’s not much to talk about, is there? I love him. He loves you. I love Even, Even loves me, and as long as I get to be his friend I don’t need Jonas for myself.”

Eva smiled. There was a sad hue in her smile.

“It’s funny, how a matter so complicated can be presented so simply. You forgot something, though. Jonas loves you, too.”

Isak shrugged.

“He loves differently. He can share of himself to many people. I can’t, not like he does.”

“I will be forever jealous of you. Of what you have with him. That might be a problem at some point.”

“Only if you let it be one. I can swear to keep my hands off him, and his hands off me, but I don’t command his heart. Or mine.”

Eva laughed. She didn’t sound happy at all.

“I’m not the master of my heart, either. But I can, and will, protect it.”

“Sounds fair to me.” Isak looked at the jeep. He saw Jonas, Mutta and Even huddled up over the equipment, but the one he really wanted to look at was Even. A small smile crawled on his lips. “I have a feeling you won’t be needing to be jealous for too long. We’re just friends. Really, really good friends, but that’s all.”

“I won’t be happy until I know he would choose me over you.”

Isak nodded. He kept his eyes on Even. For practice. Would he choose Even over Jonas? He would. It would kill him, and he would resent the sight of Even forever, but if he had to choose, he would choose Even. Isak couldn’t lose Even again, he had done so once already.

“He will. In time. Consider it a token of my gratitude for bringing him back.”

Eva touched Isak’s arm. Isak turned to look at her.

“I’m sorry. I really am. It’s just that. You’re the messiah. The lightbringer. How can I compete with that? How can I compare?”

“First of all,” Isak laughed, “you are the one who makes miracles happen. Second, I need you. All of you. You, Jonas, Even, the Balloon Squad, Magnus and Mahdi -- if I’m alone I’m nothing.”

Eva looked at him for a long time. She was really quiet, squinting in the sunlight. Then she made up her mind, and nodded.

“Well, Isak. You’re not alone.”

Late that evening Isak was starting to believe Eva. He wasn’t alone. He had a tribe around him, and this time it felt properly like a family. Isak sat by the heating blocks, in dim lantern light, with everyone else in a wide circle with him. People were laughing, some were smooching and kissing every now and then, and Isak was really comfortable in Even’s lap. He was sitting sideways, their long legs carefully folded and arranged, and leaning his shoulder lightly on Even’s chest. If he pressed his ear against it he could hear Even’s heart.

Jonas laughed at something Mahdi had just said. Isak turned to look at him, at his face lit up by joy, and curled up a bit closer to Even. He would step aside. He would have to. Isak knew he couldn’t make Jonas happy like Eva did, because Jonas couldn’t make him happy the way Even did. It was a complicated thing, presented simply, like Eva had said. She really was a smart girl.

Magnus was not his usual goofy and loud self. He was sitting in silence, and staring at Vilde. Isak couldn’t say for certain had Magnus stopped looking at her since he first laid his eyes on her. By now Vilde had also noticed the attention she had caught, and whenever she glanced in Magnus’ direction she blushed a bit. Some dreams had a chance of coming true, Isak thought, and turned his eyes to Sana. She was locked in her place under Yousef’s arm, and Isak was sure she had been dreaming about this ever since the horrible moment Yousef had shut down for the first time. Isak could still remember how it had felt when he realized he was going to lose Jonas.

“What is it?” Even whispered in his hair. Isak raised his face up to look at Even.

“What?”

“You tensed up all of a sudden. What’s the matter?”

“It’s just. Everyone is so happy tonight. But it won’t last.”

Even looked at Isak. There was a little wrinkle between his eyebrows and his lips were pouting adorably.

“Happiness doesn’t last. That’s why it’s so precious.”

Isak started to pout as well. But Even was right. All his life Isak had only known moments of happiness, all of them fleeting and fickle. It made them worth more. Isak reached up a bit and kissed Even. A burst of happiness bubbled inside him. He let the kiss linger for a bit.

Then for a bit more.

Isak felt sand under his shoulder blades. Even had tipped him over to kiss him harder. He didn’t mind it at all. His life in the desert had taught him the ways of the sand kids, and privacy was a rare luxury out here. Especially after dark. Besides, it was probably good that Jonas saw him and Even like this. And Eva, too.

It was a magical night. They all stayed awake and under the stars all night. Kissing, talking, laughing, being together and pulling strength from each other. They were more than a tribe. A family. When the sun came up they weren’t even tired. They were burning in their fire, brighter than the dawn.

 

That fire refused to be put down. It kept burning inside all of them, day and night. It burnt when they worked to load the van with radio equipment, and when they formed new rider and gunner pairs, when they danced around their heat block fire and locked their lips in passionate, forceful kisses. They had a tribe, they had a goal, they had a purpose, and they were happy.

Finally the work was done. They were ready to take this show on the road. Their plan was as simple as it was insane: find a place to rally up, get Doctor Death Defying on air and have him call every single sand kid to arms and to join them. They should come. Jonas had been experimenting on the signals and managed to come up with something that made Magnus and Mahdi light up when they heard Even speak in their radios. It was still uncertain, because Mags and Mahdi were both on their side to begin with. But it was something.

It really was the best chance they had. The only chance.

Isak gave a last, not so quick kiss to Even and walked to Jonas and his bike. He was maybe selfish, but he needed one last ride with Jonas. Eva would be driving the van anyway, and Even’s jeep was stocked full of stuff they couldn’t carry on the bikes. It simply made sense for Isak to ride as a gunner for Jonas, who needed one anyway.

“Hey,” Isak said, with a half smile. Jonas raised his eyes from the radio to him, grinning. Jonas loved riding. He was made of sun and desert wind.

“Hey. Eager to get going again?”

“I must admit I am. It’s been too long, hasn’t it?”

Jonas nodded.

“Practically forever. I’ve missed my gunner.”

Isak wanted to tell Jonas how much he had missed his rider. But he didn’t say anything about it. It was for the best, in the end. Everyone would be happier this way.

“Well, here I am. Packed up and ready to go.”

Jonas looked at him, without saying anything. Isak felt his cheeks get blushed. It was clear Jonas knew something was going on, and he was considering if he should ask or not.

“It’s never going to be the same again. Everything is changing today, isn’t it?”

Isak nodded. Jonas was right. After today, nothing, nothing at all was going to be the same. Their plan might work, or it might not, they could live or they could die, but today would forever be the day when the revolution started.

“We should hope so. Even practiced his speech with me last night and it is the best he has ever given. They will come. They will all come, and we will unite and ride together into the cities. We will bring the old world down.”

Jonas smirked.

“There you are,” he said. Isak blinked, confused.

“What?”

“Jet Star. You shine again.”

Isak brushed his hair behind his ears. It felt good in a weird way, to hear Jonas say something like that. And scary, too.

“I don’t feel like a star. I never do. I just try to go on and save whoever I can.”

Jonas shaded his eyes with his hand and looked toward the sun.

“I doubt a star knows of its own power. It’s all blasting away from it, after all.”

Isak looked at Jonas. At his silhouette against the sky, at his silent strength.

“I couldn’t do this without you.”

“Nah.” Jonas shrugged. “You could. And would. But I am happy to ride along.”

“Speaking of riding, we should get going.”

Isak looked around after hearing Sana’s words. Everyone was ready to go, and everyone was looking at him. Isak shook his head. Oh, no.

“I can be a star but I am not a leader.”

“Great,” Sana said and banged at the side of the van with her hand. “Come on, people! Let’s go!”

Bikes were mounted. Engines roared, and the dust flew up in the air as the tribe got moving. Jonas got on the bike but Isak delayed. He watched at his family, at Magnus riding behind Mahdi, at Sana on the bike with Yousef, at the van and the jeep speeding along side by side. The revolution didn’t really look like much. Finally Isak got up on the bike and settled against Jonas. He clicked there like a piece of a puzzle, seamlessly in his place.

“Isak?”

Jonas didn’t start the engine yet. Isak reached his head forward, touching Jonas’ shoulder with his chin. He was listening.

“I have something I want to tell you. I was going to wait for tonight to get alone with you, but --” Jonas waved his hand at the dust clouds that were getting further and further away from them.

“What is it?”

“The chips make the defects sterile.”

Isak frowned. Why was Jonas telling him things he knew Isak already knew?

“Yes?”

Jonas waited. Isak saw the corner of his mouth pull up, losing the battle to a mindless grin. Isak’s eyes grew wide when he realized what Jonas meant.

“You mean she -- that Eva is -- really?”

“That’s what she told me. They’re going to be the first child born without a chip in their brain in generations. The beginning of a new world.”

“And you call me the messiah.”

Isak felt the laughter boom inside Jonas before he heard it come out.

“What should we call you, then?”

“You can call me Issy.”

Isak pecked a quick, dry kiss on Jonas’ cheek and asked him to ride like the wind. Jonas revved up the engine and as the bike dashed forward at full speed Isak knew that this feeling would be gone soon. Happiness never lasted. But it could return. And while it was here Isak let it fill him up completely, from head to toe. He was too full of it soon, he let it rush out of him in a wild, high pitched howl. Jonas joined him, and when Isak had to pause to draw a breath he heard the echoes of the howling ahead of them. The tribe was riding to battle. It was ready to die, and hungry to live, and as Isak pressed his body tighter against Jonas he knew he didn’t care which would be his fate. As long as they would all be together, til’ the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was it!
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this ride. I sure did! Love you to bits!


End file.
